The Love Room

4TH

2010-10-24T07:32:00.002+08:00

Ever since October came, I've been drunk every weekend. Weather it's because of an occasion or not, I've spent every waking hours of my Sunday morning in a drunken stupor. Just like today. With only minimum difference. I am still sober enough to write and my insomia just kicked in on time to make sure that I will experience all morning with a terrible headache. But what the hell, I deserve this for drinking too much.

In four days time, it will be the 28th of October. If I was still with MB, it would have been our 4th year anniversary. Yes, you got that right, I am still in pain. A lot of pain. Though I will never have confessed any of this in front of my peers because of pride, I guess the alcohol has done it's job to loosen my tongue a bit. So here I am, in front of someone's computer in the wee hours of the morning lamenting my failed relationship.

But why did it fail? That's the question I hear every single time that I will let it slip that I just came from a three and a half year relationship. I always tend to say that it's because MB no longer loves me. That MB can no longer bear the thought of being with me. That MB's better off alone. And no matter how painful it is and no matter how numb my body is due to the alcohol I ingested, that's just half the truth.

I am the worst boyfriend in the history of boyfriends. I am the worst kind of person that anyone could have lived with. I lied, I cheated, I stole. I guess that's how short I can summarize things. Because I indeed did all those things both literally and metaphorically. I wish I could say differently but that's the whole truth. And now that everything is at it's end, there's no use in denying and lying about anything anymore.

I loved MB. I still love MB. That has and will never change. But today, as I write this, with tears running down my cheeks, it's time to bid adieu to the one chapter of my life that gave the meaning to my existence.

To MB, if ever you will read this, I love you, I miss, and I'm sorry.a

The Day The Music Died

2010-05-07T09:03:00.003+08:00

05.04.10

All this time, from the day you decided to end everything, I always hoped and believed that one day, someday, you will change your mind and welcome me back in your arms.

All this time, I deluded myself in a fantasy that you will not let all those years we've been together to go to waste. That you will realize, after all this time, that you still love me.

All this time, I kept my hopes up that those time that you will see me, you will remember the days when we were happy. That you will remember that you once loved someone like me.

All this time, I loved you.

But today I finally understand. Today, finally, everything is clear.

When you said you no longer care. It pierced my heart so deep that the wound will not stop bleeding. The pain it cost was so unbearable that even I can not take it anymore.

I once said that the love I have for you is unconditional and will never fade. The love I have for you can bear everything and anything that you can throw at me. No matter what.

No matter what insult you hurled at me.

No matter what abused you deem fit for me.

No matter what humiliation you think I deserve.

I weathered them all.

Not because I think I deserve them.

Not because I think I should take them.

Not because I think that's what love is.

Not because I think they made you feel good.

But because I know, no matter what happens, no matter what you throw at me, it is all done out of love and concern.

But everything seems farce now.

For you no longer care.

And it kills me.

Every minute.

Every day.

Miss You Like Crazy

2010-04-30T15:53:00.004+08:00

Bhe,

I miss you so much. So much that it hurts. So much that I am in tears. It's been a long time but I still can't accept the fact that it's over.

I decided to write here again because I'm running out of space in my notebook and my pen ran out of ink. Because I can't stop doodling your name next to mine. Trying to imagine what it was like when we were still together. When we were still happy.

I know it's my fault that you're no longer here. I know that there's no chance that we can still fix things. I know, because the problem is "ME" and I can not be fixed.

I miss you so much.

I miss your hug...

I miss your kiss...

I miss your smell...

I miss your laughter...

I miss your eyes...

I miss your lips...

I miss you.

I love you. Please forgive me.

July '07 - June '08

2008-06-25T06:41:00.001+08:00

Friends are nature’s masterpiece.

Whoever said this got it right the first time. I certainly believe in this saying because in all my life, it is the gift of friendship that I value more than anything else. I smile as I think about the people who were with me last Saturday will react about this statement. Because it seems to me, that my actions are going on a different direction. If you were there with us, it will seem to you that I do not value my friends and all I do is blabber.

I can not deny that what I did to my friends happened to me, I will not be able to forget it myself. Makes you wonder what happened that day right? But I will spare you the details. Let’s just say that I burned all the masterpiece nature has given me.

One of my dearest friends talked to me last Monday about what I “did” during that fateful day. It was horrible, unspeakable, and undeniably offensive. And as much as I tried to explain my side, I can’t seem to do so. For I know, no words I can utter can heal the wounds that I have caused.

The same close friend shared with me about what I was blabbing about on that day. I was all about friendship. It didn’t surprise me since I know for a fact that I can’t stop thinking about how happy I am that I have my friends. But what I realized just now, is how much right to the point my friend was. You see, I always prided myself as someone who puts their friends first before anything else. May it be work or even myself. But it seems that that’s hardly the case because I have always placed my fears above everyone and anything else. My biggest fear is losing a friend. And in my efforts to make sure that my fears will not come to life, I try my very best to please them. But instead of getting the result I desired, I ended up on the losing end.

As I write this post, I still haven’t spoken to two of my friends. Both of whom I cherish as someone who defines what being a friend is. And both of whom I offended the worst. Honestly speaking, I don’t think that I can show my face to them, let alone talk to them. And it is one of the reasons why I am writing this post. I am hoping that one, if not both, of them will be able to read this.

Trust is one of the most essential things in a relationship. And once the trust is gone, the relationship, for me, no longer exists. What happened that night is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Because I may very well lose the people I hold dear. The very people I tried to please. The very people I call “friends”.

As I said earlier, I can’t still bring myself to talk to my friends. I’m afraid of what they are going to say. I know I have failed them as their friend. And I’m so sorry that I will lose them without even being able to know them deeper. Not that I think that our friendship is as shallow as a jigger of scotch, but because I didn’t know them enough for me to say that they know me. I showed them a façade in fear that they will not like the real me. What a pathetic little wimp I am.

And on that sad note, the love room bids you farewell. I will not delete this blog for I hope that someone will be able to find wisdom on the mistakes I made in my life by reading my previous posts. I, however, will no longer be accessing this site.

I found my friends when I started my first blog. Let it end with my last blog.

Love Song #10

2008-06-18T03:14:00.004+08:00

Temptations - ain't too proud to beg (strings mix)
Uploaded by mickeynold

I know you wanna leave me,
but I refuse to let you go
If I have to beg and plead for your sympathy,
I don't mind coz' you mean that much to me

Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me, girl, don't you go

Now I heard a cryin' man,
is half a man with no sense of pride
But if I have to cry to keep you,
I don't mind weepin' if it'll keep you by my side

Ain't to proud to beg, sweet darlin
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go

If I have to sleep on your doorstep
all night and day just to keep you from walkin' away
let your friends laugh, even this I can stand
cause I want to keep you any way I can

Ain't too proud to beg, sweet darlin'
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go

Now I've gotta love so deep in the pit of my heart
And each day it grows more and more
I'm not ashamed to come and plead to you baby
If pleadin' keeps you from walkin' out that door

Ain't too proud to beg, you know it sweet darlin'
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Ain't to proud to plead, baby, baby
Please don't leave me girl, don't you go
Baby, baby, baby, baby (sweet darling)

Love Song #9

2008-06-02T17:39:00.004+08:00

Alison Krauss - Baby Now That I've Found You - Nashville Liv
Uploaded by Superpatri

Baby,

now that I've found you

I won't let you go

I built my world around you

I need you so,

baby even though

You don't need me

now

Baby,

now that I've found you

I won't let you go

I built my world around you

I need you so

Baby even though

You don't need me,

You don't need me oh, no

Baby, baby,

when first we met

I knew in this heart of mine

That you were someone I couldn't forget.

I said right,

and abide my time

Spent my life looking

for that somebody

to make me feel like new

Now you tell me that you want to leave me

But darling, I just can't let you

Last Week

2008-05-27T18:51:00.004+08:00

Last week, from 142 lbs. I am now a measly 128 lbs. To some, it might be a good thing but not for me. I’m what you call a natural lean. No matter what I do, I can’t seem to get the pounds I needed to get bulky. So if you see me now, you would say that I’m a walking skeleton hahaha!

Last week, I missed going my friend’s pre-birthday bash. I also missed going to his birthday celebration. And I hate myself for that. As a message I once received said:

“There are two great things in life. Friends, and Beer. And the best times usually involves both”

I also missed working. Not that I no longer have a job. I still do. But not being able to do what the company is paying you for tends to become boring. Especially for a workaholic like me, I miss the pressure, the deadlines, and the complaints.

Also, last week, I missed my bed. Its warmth, and its softness. More importantly, I miss the person I go to bed with. Yes, we still each other from time to time but it’s a different thing sleeping in two separate beds. It just didn’t feel right.

Last week, I decided to confront one of my fears. And luckily for me, it’s not really as scary as I thought it is. And thank goodness I have a friend who’s with me till the very end. Who virtually hold my hand and comforts me with kind words.

Last week, I was admitted in Medical City due to complications in my paranasal sinus and nasal cavity. Actually, as I am writing this, I’m still in the hospital waiting for my clearance from my doctor that I can finally check out and go home.

Last week, I miss being with MB. I miss his touch, his voice, his laugh, his angelic eyes, his warm embrace, and his smell.

Last week was hell. I hope this week is better.

Morbidity

2008-05-27T18:13:00.002+08:00

I just finished watching the season finale of House MD season 4. Amber, the girlfriend of Dr. Wilson, is the patient and so on and so forth. Watch the episode to find out more.

Anyway, what happened in the end part is what moved me into making this post. Amber died. And I can’t stop my tears from falling. The scene where Wilson lies besides Amber before he “pulls the plug” is a real tear jerker.

Back to my post. As I watch this scene unfold, I can’t help but wonder what I would feel if I was in his shoes. I mean, what if it was MB who’s lying there and someone told be me he’s about to die? Honestly, the first thing that comes to my mind is rage. I would probably rip apart the person who tells me that I will lose the love of my life. Then after I’m done with that person, I would then charge in the room and god knows what I would do.

But then, come to think of it, I wouldn’t really hurt the person who will tell me that MB is dying or worse, dead. I would probably just collapse, find a seat, and be detached from reality.

Or I could start asking questions. Ask the doctor why or how or even when. Maybe even challenge the doctor’s diagnosis and look for another doctor for a second opinion.

Or I can just walk into the room, sit beside my love, hold his hand, and kiss him one last time.

All of these are just possibilities and nothing is certain. But one thing I would sure do if MB kicks the bucket before me. I would follow him not a moment too soon.

“A life without love is worse than death ” - Anon

Boston Legal

2008-05-13T06:46:00.001+08:00

I’ve wanted to post something about the series me and MB is currently watching. Yup, you’ve guessed it right! It’s Boston Legal.

Basically, the series revolves around the folks in a law firm named Crane, Poole and Schmidt. And what I really liked about them is that the people in the firm are so unbelievable, you can actually enjoy watching TV and know that it’s just TV. No pretension and make believes. It’s just pure fun.

The main personality in the program is lawyer Alan Shore played by James Spader. But the person who I like most is the named partner, Denny Crane portrayed by William Shatner. Now Denny Crane used to be the biggest gun in the state of Boston before mad cow / Alzheimer’s got his brains. But that didn’t stop him from being larger than life. Even when he just walks in the room, you know, he’s the big guy. Every single time I see him in the screen, the episodes suddenly is alive. Kudos to William Shatner for his great acting!

Now, so much for my “review”. This post is actually about the episode I saw earlier today. It’s about many other things but what struck me most is the smoker client of Alan Shore who can’t give up smoking to save her life. But when she said that what she missed about smoking is how it is a time away from the frenzy, hate, stress, and whatever else she mentioned, and how it gives her a peace of mind, even if its just a couple of minutes, it made me realized something. The reason why I always wait for MB before I take my lunch time, even if it means waiting the entire day, the wait pales to the time I will spend with him. Even if it’s only a couple of minutes or an hour, it’s worth the wait. Because that’s my time away from stress, away from problems, away from suffering, away from boredom, away from anyone else but him. My time and my space are directed only to one person. All my energy, my effort, is given to him. And with that, I know my day wasn’t a waste at all.

“Spending even a nanosecond with your love one is enough reason to keep fighting” - Anon

Lost in Reverie Again

2008-05-06T18:59:00.002+08:00

I believe in the idea that love doesn’t equal sex. With this idea, I came to believe that having sex with someone other than your partner is not cheating. But even though I believe in this notion, I no longer practice it. However, if MB decides to do it, I will take no offense or whatever. And you will never get me to accept that my idea is screwed up. Well not until recently anyway. Something happened that made me doubt my way of thinking.

We invited a friend to visit our place and have a few drinks. The night dragged on and we were all tipsy so we decided to let our friend to sleepover. And since we currently have only one bed and no other furniture, our friend will be sleeping with us in bed. To avoid any conflicts, I agreed to MB’s suggestion that our friend will sleep in the middle while I will take the right side and him the left side. When everything was settled, we went to bed.

After around two or three hours, I stirred and when I opened my eyes, MB and our friend is fast asleep. I was about to go back to sleep when I noticed that our friend is wearing nothing but his boxer briefs while both MB and I are still wearing our day clothes. And as I look, I was surprised when our friend’s hand suddenly went inside his boxer’s and started jacking it off. My eyes flew to his face to see if he’s just teasing me. His eyes were closed. Could he be just dreaming? I closed my eyes and summoned all the courage I have in my body and turned my back on him. It is one thing to have sex with someone else but it is different doing it while MB is in bed with us. I was about to go back to sleep when I heard a muffled conversation. I can’t seem to understand what they were muttering so I decided to turn but continued to pretend that I’m still sleeping. When I thought I could risk opening my eyes a little, I was surprised by what I saw. Surprised mind you, not shocked. It was MB caressing our friend’s body, touching his well defined chest, his cut abs, down to his dick. “Fuck!” I said to myself. I was actually referring to our friend’s dick. It’s huge! Probably 7 inches long and is very thick. I closed my eyes again and contemplate what I should do next. I would definitely want to taste our friend as well. I mean I have fantasized about him quite often during my jack off sessions. But the thought of disrupting MB from what seems to be something he’s enjoying keeps going back to my mind. “What should I do?” I asked myself again. I decided then that I would just watch and see how things played out. I opened my eyes again and watch our friend’s face as he enjoy whatever MB’s doing to him. I lowered my eyes to see it for myself. MB’s jacking his dick slowly. Up, down, up down. He spat on his palm and stroked our friend’s dick once more while making sure that his thumb keeps on playing with its head.

My mind is blank. I couldn’t seem to entertain any thought or any feelings. All I know is that I’m a willing watcher to whatever is transpiring before me. Then I saw MB leaned closer and was about to enveloped our friend’s dick in his mouth when my friend stopped him for a second. “Aren’t you together? I mean isn’t he your boyfriend?” He asked. I saw MB smiled and said “We’re no longer together” then proceeded with giving my friend a head. I closed my eyes and turned my back to them. Full of emotions but I don’t know what kind.

When I woke up, I realized everything was just a dream. There’s no friend of ours sleeping between us. It’s just me and MB in our room. But I can’t shake the feeling of pain that was brought to me by my dream. What I don’t know is weather I was hurt because MB decided to elicit an affair, with a friend nonetheless, in our own bed, with me by their side or the fact that MB denied our relationship.

I would like to wake up MB and share to him my dream but I know he’s not a morning person. So instead, I just hugged him as tight as I can and whispered to his ears.

“I love you, please don’t leave me.”

Eighteenth

2008-04-29T05:05:00.001+08:00

I got up early and cook breakfast for two. Although it’s just a simple meal, I cooked it with all the love I’m feeling today. Unfortunately, it was left on the table for hours without being touched. MB is still in bed refusing to stand or to make any sudden movements. He wants to make sure he has a full rest for today’s Monday. And we both know that Monday is a hell day for the both of us. So I let him be and satisfied myself with watching dvds that we bought from Carriedo the other day.

Around noon time, MB finally got out of bed and decided that it’s time to meet the day’s warm embrace. He noticed the cold food in the table and muttered something about not waking him up. I just smiled and gave him a huge hug. Kissed his cheeks and asked him if he wants me to warm the food for him. He said otherwise so we started to dig in. Nothing is better than to start your day with a good laugh and to eat with your love one I said to myself. So we continued to savor our cold foods and laugh at what’s on TV.

After our brunch, we each took our showers and went straight to pay our bills. Everything was planned until we reached our destination. The establishment we were to pay is closed. A thought came to mind when MB mentioned that the next nearest place we can go is in our old neighborhood. I immediately suggested that we go there right then without giving any reasons why. Luckily for me he agreed. When we reached our destination, I was awed by how much the place barely changed. I can still see the placed we frequent during our habitual nighttime walk. Even the place where we spend our mornings for breakfast is still there. I just grabbed MB’s hand and smiled at him. The place reminded me of how much I’m inlove with my bebhe. Now I wish I said these exact words instead of just staring at his eyes and smiling sheepishly.

When we got in the office, we parted ways. No words were yet exchange about how important this day is. Hours passed and we each began becoming busy by the moment when a friend suddenly sent me a message. I saw a window and mentioned to my friend to tell something to MB. After a few minutes, I smiled. Bingo.

While I’m writing this, I can help but smile to myself. Though I look really stupid infront of my colleagues for they see me typing something in winword while smiling stupidly. What do I care? For all I know now, that even though things like this come in scarce nowadays, it just makes it more worthwhile to try harder to get it. Because even for just a second of happiness, a single smile, a single laugh, or a second of being with the person you love the most, it’s all worth it.

Happy 18th Monthsary Bhe :)

“A genuine smile is worth more than any gold you can find – more so, if it came from a love one.” - Anon

Lost in Reverie

2008-04-26T10:01:00.002+08:00

I was “cruising” the familiar sites as always when I got the call. I ran as fast as I can without paying any attention to who are what I’m dumping into. There was only one thing in my mind. MB.

As my cab sped pass the hi-way, I can’t help but utter a few words of comfort to myself. There is really nothing I can do now than to ask my driver if he can drive faster and hope that I we won’t end up in a hospital.

At the hospital lobby, I just stood there speechless. I have no idea what to do. There is no one else there but me. I would like to shout, to cry, to laugh, anything to release the tension building in my chest but I seem to lose the knowledge to move or to show any emotions. I just stood there like a statue.

When the doors opened, the doctor beckoned me. I approached him with heavy feet and legs. When he removed his doctor’s cap and gripped it tightly, tears started flowing down my cheeks. It’s bad news. I knew it.

I entered the room and look at the motionless person covered by a white blanket from head to toe, tears still flowing freely down my cheeks and no words coming out my mouth. I took the chair beside the bed and pulled back the blanket to look at the face of the person who changed my life for one last time. I would like to kiss and hug him but my limbs failed me. I just sit there, staring. Staring at the face of the person who I knew I will never see again.

I wasn’t able to speak for days after the funeral. I withdraw to my room and did nothing but stare at the skies through my window. People came and tried to lift my spirit but I just can’t. I just can’t. People said that I’m still in shock hence the silence. But they don’t know. They don’t understand.

One day, when the skies were clear, a friend entered my room. He noticed that I’ve been staring to the skies ever since the accident. He asked me, why. And for the first time in a year, I smiled and said:

“I’m waiting for my angel to come back”

PN > This is just a dream. Everything is OK. Thanks to wanderer for bringing this to my attention.

OUT

2008-04-24T06:22:00.004+08:00

I'm the kind of person who has nothing against PDA. Heck, I even practiced it myself a couple of times before. I also have nothing against those people who decided to leave their life like the world is their stage. I'm sometimes like that. And being discreet is nothing new. Some practice it, some despise it. Me? Well let's just say I prefer to keep it under the radar. And so the story goes...

MB and I work for the same company. And as far as I know, nobody knows about us. Of course there are those who can “smell” people like me but they just keep it to themselves. Late last year, we decided to take our relationship to another level. We went to a friend’s wedding as a couple. Their reactions are of mixed surprise and joy. Everything is going our way. Until recently…

I don’t care what other people will think or say but as much as possible, I would like to keep our “identities” under the radar. Of course there are those that can smell us out but since they keep it to themselves, it doesn’t really matter. I just don’t get it why people need to know what I do on my own free time. I go to work to work and not to tell stories about my personal life. But of course, it can’t be helped. People have been like this for like forever.

Many of my colleagues know that I live with my partner. What captures their curiosity is why I haven’t introduced, let alone met, her. I always tell them that my personal life is mine to keep. I thought this was clear enough. I forgot the fact that there are people out there who are stubborn as me. They actually found out that my partner works for the same company. They were even able to know which department. And since they keep asking, they were able to fish the information that my partner is not a she, but a he. Not that it really matter, but I always answer their questions except when they started asking weather I’m with a guy or a girl. I will just smile and tell them: “think what you would like to think.”

Yesterday, and like all the yesterdays since I got involved with MB, I took my lunch break when he decided to go home. Our place is just 5 minutes away by cab anyway. The reason for this is because I want to eat with, and sometimes cook for MB. I never thought though that the people in the office will make a big deal out of it when a couple of folks saw us getting in a cab. I was suddenly the talk of the town. Everyone wanted to know about my relationship with MB and why did I keep it secret. I immediately notified MB about this to prepare him for what people’s reaction might be. Luckily for me, MB already developed a think skin about such controversies.

When the dust settled, a couple of friends approached me and told me how sweet of me to take time to bring my partner home everyday. How lucky I am for being able to find my life partner. And how much they envy me for my courage and strength to keep my affairs private as possible.

After all is said and done, I kept my head down and my mouth shut. MB doesn’t want people in the office to know what they don’t have to know and I will keep it that way. So what if they saw us getting in a cab. As long as we continue what we do, this will be forgotten and we can continue to live our lives like we want it. Private and peaceful.

"The moment the world decides who and what you are is the moment you died" - Anon

Hang Ups Anyone?

2008-04-18T06:11:00.006+08:00

“I like talking to you because you seem to have no hang ups or whatever.”

No hang ups? What the --?? Can anyone tell me what this mean? I asked around and here’s what some of the people think what “No hang ups” mean.

“Nothing’s holding you back. No doubts or apprehensions.” - Lesbian friend

“You can talk without any shame or inhibitions” - Cowboy Girl

“Not easily hassled by things. Seems to have no problems. Cool. Someone who shows who he really is.” - Rich Kid

“Ang sakin lng, u can show ur emotions. Kunwari may sinabi ako sa iba. tas may sinabi sila sakin. parang kulang. Parang masyadong safe or masyadong plain. Ndi ko masyadong maramdaman. Yung dating nya sakin ganun kasi nga iba yung personality nila... ang sakin lng, mag gusto kita kausap kasi mas aaliw mas kwela mas ok... mas palagay yung loob ko” - Saito Hajime

“Totally moved on ka na. Wala ng natirang remorse, galit, pain, sama ng loob etc.” - Boy Genius

“Someone who doesn’t feel any guilt for what happened in the past. Someone who doesn’t feel any anger or pain even to his EXs or anyone who came to his life or anything that happened in his life. Simply put, it's a person who never dwells in the past.” - Gym Buddy

Hhhmm... so having no hang ups is like a good thing. But if this is the meaning of not having any hang ups, then I definitely do not fall in this category. I for one know that I am a person with a lot of apprehensions and doubts. I talk with inhibitions because I’m afraid that what I say might not be the right thing to say or might just be rejected. And I’m definitely someone who is easily intimidated, hassled, and bullied. And what is this that they are saying about having no problems? Who on earth doesn’t have a problem? Everybody does right? And just to clear things up. I’m not cool.

With that said, how can someone even tell me that they love talking to me because I do not have any hang ups? I’m a loser with no characteristics that anyone will like. You can even ask my friends and they will tell you what a headache I am and how much pain I have inflicted to them. But that didn’t stop MB from loving me. MB showed me that even a loser like me can be loved, cuddled, kissed, hugged, and treasured. That someone so miserable as me can still be happy. That I still have a future; a future full of happiness. And that, my friends, is just one of the things that I love about MB. He loves me for what I am. No hang ups.

“It's not who or what that's important” - Anon

Q&A

2008-04-15T04:58:00.005+08:00

How can you really make a relationship work? What do you need to do for your relationship to last?

These are just some of the questions I always hear from people that talk about relationships. I do not pretend to be some expert when it comes to relationships. I know for a fact that I am not for I came from a failed relationship before I found the person who saved me from drowning. I know that I made more mistakes than the next guy when it comes to making decisions while in a relationship. That I am a failure when it comes to the “ideal person” to be in a relationship with as set by society. But I know that some, not all, may benefit from my experiences and that's why I share them to people.

So how can someone make a relationship work? Simple. Just as the question mentioned, it is work. Now I can see people’s eyebrows raising after reading that statement. Well we all have different opinions. This is mine so back off :)

Now back to the topic. Contrary to what people believe, love is not enough for a relationship to last. Like it or not, time will come when emotions will be tested and love will fade. When that time comes, you must be ready to work your ass to make your relationship last. You must fight for it if needed. If you will only rely on your emotions to get you through the day, then you will always end up in the losing end. You must know when to use your emotions and when to use your mind. Both are needed for a long lasting relationship. Now this is just my thoughts and I’m just speaking out loud. I do not intend to give advice to anyone since I’m not the right person to do so. So when someone do come asking about what I think, I always tell them stories about my past instead of giving off advice. I just think its better that way.

So when a friend talks to me about his problems about his partner, I will explain to him what I did when I was in the same situation as he is and hope that he will be able to make his own move from there. For example, a friend told me his story about not talking to his long time boyfriend for almost a week just because he doesn’t want to be the first to make a move after a petty quarrel. I shared my experience with my ex that after not talking to each other, we just grew cold and got used to not speaking to each other. Like it is the normal thing to do. Another instance was when a friend came to me telling me he’s getting tired of being the “strongman” in the relationship. Of being the person who’s always there for his partner. I just told him about my experience with MB when I was on my lowest point. That I felt that the well is drying out because no water is coming in. But giving up is not an option for me. Because for me, I can’t picture myself without MB. I just can’t imagine waking up and not finding him by my side. Just the thought of it makes me cry. What more if it’s a reality that I brought to myself? Oh what misery I will be in!

And lastly, being in a relationship is not always fun and full of happiness. So those who are out there who are getting desperate that you are still single, don't try so hard to be in one. I'm telling you, you are not missing a lot. If you think you are prepared for something this hard, then you are not at all prepared. If you think you are mature, then you are very immature. Read this post. I can tell that this friend of mine knows what is needed for a relationship to work. I suggest that you click the link and read it. It’s definitely worth your time (Don’t forget to read the link he mentioned as well!).

"Admitting your mistake is the first sign of maturity" - Anon

Let's talk about X

2008-04-10T07:40:00.005+08:00

People come to me for advice. Either I’m just too nosy or people do tend to see me as someone who they can share their pain with. I think it’s the first but I can dream too.

One of the things that people always asked me about is relationship. I don’t pretend to be an expert on this issue since I’ve only experienced two serious relationships to date. So instead of giving them advices, I tend to share to them my past experiences. And when I say experiences, I mean my experiences on “relationships” and relationships. The first being the “relationships” I had or more aptly known nowadays as flings, MU, and LDRs. I had my share of failures and pain about all these things but I do not consider them as anything serious. The latter is the two relationships I consider as serious since there was real commitments and love, not lust, is present.

Some of the people asked me how I was able to get past my previous serious relationship in order to enter a new one. Some people complain about their former affairs. And others just would like to know if the “relationship” they were in was indeed a relationship. Others still, ask me how I was able to know when it was time to move one.

It was never easy to get up from a downfall of a serious relationship. For me, it took me more than 2 years before I was able to let go of the past. Before I was able to finally say to myself that whatever we had was over. Some will say that 2 years is a long time to recover from heartache. I always tell them is that it was not heartache that I needed to recover from, but hope. The hope that one day, he will realize that I was the one for him. That if I keep being there for him, helping him in time of his need, he will come back to me. Hope was my enemy and I was fighting a losing battle. Because he moved on, I didn’t.

Now some will say that two years is still too long for hoping something like that and I agree with them. But there is no regret for what happened because it taught me a lot of things. And it allowed me to become mature enough to recognize what love really is. So when I saw it, I grabbed it and made it mine forever.

My EX will forever have a special place in my heart. But that doesn’t mean that I do not love MB with all my heart. I love him without any inhibition and any equivocation. It’s just that the person who made my life colorful before will forever be in my heart. My love for him will always be there only on a different level. More of a special friend than a lover. And understanding this thing made me fall ever more for MB.

I just remembered something that was said to me by a friend when I asked him if he still love his ex. He said:

“Love, once given, will never fade. It just mature and change”

To those that are wondering what my EX looks like, here’s someone that always reminds me of him.

Ahem!

2008-04-03T07:50:00.009+08:00

I have a lot of drafts but I don't think I will be able to post them soon since I can't seem to finish anything with themes on it. So here I am, writing another stupid post about nothing at all.

People are still asking about my relationship with MB. I guess I left it hanging and was not able to explain what happened between the two of us. For all those who are asked, thank you! but no need to worry about us anymore. My relationship with MB is stronger than ever. What happened between us is just what one should expect once you are in a relationship living together. I've expected much worse so no need to worry about us.

Hmm what to write, what to write? I guess I could tell you about my conversation with a friend about relationships but that would be something that I'm reserving for dry days. So for now let me just tell you the story of what happened a week ago when I was asked by MB to find a place to stay for the night since a friend will need to sleep over. Its actually better than it sounds so don't go raising the alarm just yet. My plan was actually to have a drinking session with my friends but I cancelled it on the last minute because of somethings I will not discuss here. So to cut the story short, I spent the night at my office, in front of my PC, surfing, chatting, and watching whatever comes to mind. Yup even porn!

Now why did I brought up this story you ask. The friend who slept over needed a place to stay since she will be leaving for the province the following day. But the real reason was she needed someone to lean because she just found out that her boyfriend for 8 years, who left her a month ago, is currently dating his secretary! Yup his very own secretary! Isn't that such a TV/Movie cliche?

Before MB left our place to pick up his friend, he was worried that he wouldn't know what to say to comfort her since he is not a very emotional person. He could solve many things even under pressure but he's at a lost when it comes to emotions and relationships. I just smiled, kissed him, and told him that he just needs to be there for her. And being there, sometimes, means just that, being there. You don't need any fancy words but just be physically there. This somewhat gave him enough courage to push through.

Now that I'm typing this, I can't help but wonder. Will that happen to us as well? I mean, they lasted for 8 years while MB and me are just starting out. Sure they are different and but of course there are always what ifs but with trust and love I believe we can make it. And what do you know, I answered my own question! The answer is just that. Trust and Love. No one really knows what's going to happen tomorrow but with a little trust and a sprinkle of love, I believe that whatever tomorrow brings, my love for MB will just keep growing stronger. I can only hope that his love for me does too.

I just remembered something so let me finish this post with this:

"Enjoy what you have right now for you don't know if its still be there tomorrow. Now if you really don't like what you have right now, then no need to punish yourself. Just wait. for tomorrow is another day. Who knows what it may bring. So smile more, laugh a little louder, dance a little, sing one more song, and love a little better. And tomorrow, well let's leave it at that for now." - Anon

Love Song #8

2008-03-29T01:03:00.000+08:00

"Sana'y Wala Nang Wakas" Jed Madela
by tribeofjed

Something for the Road

2008-03-28T04:51:00.006+08:00

To be honest, I don’t know how to start his post. I want it to be mushy and something that will touch the heart of the person that I intended it for. But sadly, my words are failing me. I can’t seem to compose a decent group of words that can be readable enough and at the same time, touching enough, so that it can be looked at as something special. But then again, I’m at a loss for words.

For now, I would like to apologize to whoever is reading this, for what you are reading is just a babbling of a restless mind being racked continuously to oblivion. But nevertheless, let me trudge on and tell you the things that are in the juices of my so-called “brain”.

I started blogging more than a year now. I think it was way back in February of 2007 when I first created my first post. Of course, like everyone else, I was craving for people’s attention and for them to visit my blog. And in my desire for this to happen, I visited other people’s blog. And during this “visitations” an unlikely bond was formed. Something that’s so rare in the real world that it is so hard to believe that it can happen in cyberspace. What I’m talking about here is the bond called “Friendship”. And not just any kind of friendship for that matter because what I was able to find is the truest form of friendship.

Let me enlighten you about what my take is on friendship. For me there are 5 different kinds of “friends” or more rightly put, levels of friendship:

Level 1: Acquaintances

Here fall all the people I got to chat with online, as well as all the people who asked for advices and shared opinions with. Sometimes, neighbors fall in this level too.

Level 2: Officemates

Since I spend more time in the office than I spend anywhere else, it’s just normal that I’m more attached to my colleagues than my neighbors and the people I talked to online. People who I chat with everyday though I haven’t seen yet falls in this level as well.

Level 3: Friends

Here falls all the bloggers that I share interest with and are in my list as well as those few officemates that I get to know a little better than others. These people normally gets 50% of their favors granted. Most of my exs falls in this level.

Level 4: Special Friends

My “barkada” as well as “kababata” falls in this level. “Barkada” means the special bloggers that I almost have a regular meetings with. “Kababata” or childhood friends are self explanatory. These people gets around 80% of their favors and are the people who I’m with when it comes to “having fun”. My EX falls in this level.

Level : A FRIEND

There are a very limited number of people who actually reached this level. Actually, there are no more than five who did. These people knows the real me. My pain and my fears. These are the people that I can bare everything to and still be accepted and be loved. And there is nothing that I wouldn’t do for the people on this list.

Now why do I go into great length just to explain my non-sense, self-serving, conceited, and blasphemous view of friendship? Because someone just made it to level 5! And there is no regret whatsoever from my end for letting this person into my life. For now I know, someone will catch me when I fall. Someone will be running with me when the time comes. Someone will be sitting with me inside a jail and laughing out the mischief we did. Someone will be there to tell me that I’m wrong but will still back me up no matter what. Someone who will be there no matter what.

To you Friendship, thank you.

Crisis Over

2008-03-26T00:49:00.005+08:00

“I never thought that I would be in this position again…”

I said to myself as I contemplate the possibility of a more serious action to hopefully remedy my ailing relationship. As you have read from my previous post, my relationship with MB is taking a big hit. We haven’t spoken for the longest time and I was afraid that we will both get used to it that eventually we’ll just ignore each other. It is the very thing that will guarantee the failure of any relationship.

As I look at my current situation, a decision was formulated. A gambit that might spell doom for what I and MB have or it might just be the very thing that can save it. And even if the consequence is so dear, I believe that the time for half measure and talk is over. If I don’t act now, the very thing that keeps me going all this time will be at its end. And if that happens, I don’t think there will be enough pieces left to piece back the puzzle.

And so, as I plot what could have been the biggest decision I had to make since I became attached to someone, something happened. Someone I barely knew approached me from behind and reminded me about something I have planned back in November. So for what it’s worth, I ditched the plan I created moments ago and reverted to the one I had back then. I grabbed a post-it and scribbled something as I walk to MB’s station. And I guess the gods are smiling at me during this time because MB is not there; giving me all the time that I needed.

Time flew and it was time for me to see if this so called “last hurrah” will bear any fruit. I kept my fingers crossed as I open the doors to our place, our so called Love Room, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, I was wrong to think that drastic means is the only answer left.

As I enter our place, the silence that greeted me gave me a sense foreboding that I just stop dead in my tracks, afraid to move and step into our bedroom just to find that my efforts are in vain. After like a year has passed, I finally decided to move and get it over with.

Love Notes #9

2008-03-14T07:07:00.002+08:00

Bhe,

It has been a long week. Normally, it would have been a breeze. But now, it's tiring, stressful, and it's driving me crazy. We haven't had a real conversation for the longest time since we've been together. I don't know how much more I can take it. I know you have every right to be mad after what I happened. I'm stupid, stubborn, and irresponsible. But please do believe me when I say that I am trying to change. Because I don't want this relationship to end. I want to fight for it, for this, for us. Because nothing is more important to me right now than to you. But Bhe, I need to know that you need me too. That you love me too. Because I feel so tired and stressed out right now that for the first time since we moved in together, I'm starting to doubt. I don't want to continue on this path but you're not giving me any alternative right now. Please, please, please help me. I can't do this on my own.

A friend sent me a message saying that a successful relationship requires one to fall inlove everyday with the same person. I can say with all my heart that I am. Every single time I see you, your smile, your smell, even the sound of your laugh makes me fall for you more and more each day. There is no one else in this world I would rather be than be with you. I love you so much. But Bhe, please give me something to hold on to. Because no matter how deep the well might be, time will come that it will dry out if it's not being replenished from time to time. And right now, as much as I would regret admitting it, the well is drying out. A famine is in the horizon and its scaring the life out of me.

Please save me...

Explain Explain

2008-02-21T01:31:00.007+08:00

After my trashy post, I come back with a new post about love. Still boring and filled with trash but at least it's in English :)

I just watched this movie “After Sex” and it reminded me about a message I received from my ex a long time ago.

“Don’t ask me how I know I love you. For love is not meant to be explained. It’s meant to be felt.”

And I have to say, after receiving that message, I never felt the same. I mean I always answered the questions of my friends that I have no idea why I’m with this person but it just feels good when we’re together. I never thought that I was giving the right answer about being in-love. Because love is not something you can quantify or something that you can attribute to your partners eyes, legs, face, even mind. It is something you feel towards that person. And don’t tell me that you “love” that person because he/she is kind, sweet, honest, beautiful, loyal, faithful, monogamous, or whatever you have in your mind. I hate to break it to you but that my friend is not love! Those are just what you see when you are in-love and even if those things are absent, you don’t give a damn because no matter what short comings that person has, your feelings will not change. And don’t give me that lame reason of him/her making you feel complete. That’s not love either. If that’s love, you won’t feel complete; you’ll feel that you want to be a better person for that person. Now that, that’s Love.

There will come a point in your life that you will find that one person that will make you feel that you want to be a better person. And you want to wake up every morning beside that person. Smelling his/her hair and preparing a breakfast for two. But unfortunately, not all will have the guts to jump and take the risk. Some will be too scared of the possible pain that they will cower away from what will make them happy. But I can’t blame them. Because to tell you the truth, even if you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with that person for the rest of your life but the person you’re feeling this to is not reciprocating it, then you will just end up in a world of pain. But that’s the beauty of it. Love is like jumping into a pool without knowing if it’s deep or shallow. If it’s shallow you will end up hurting. But if it’s deep, well you will be in for the ride of your life. I have taken that jump twice. The first time I was hurt pretty bad. I even promised myself that I will never jump ever again. But then I met MB, and I was never the same again.

To end this post let me tell you about a quote from a friend that said something like this:

I don't know how but I do. And I don't know any other way. I love you.

I’m paraphrasing of course but you get my idea right? If it’s something you can quantify or basically anything that you can explain, then that’s not love. It’s just lust. And sometimes it’s better. Especially if you’re honest to yourself.

“Explained Love is Sugar-coated Lust” - Anon

Non-Sense Post

2008-02-20T23:39:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko alam kung anong meron pero nahihirapan ako magsulat ng bagong post. Hindi ko rin alam kung bakit parang lahat ng sinusulat ko ngayon eh basura at walang saysay. Magtatatlong araw ko ng sinusubukan pero wala talaga. Sasabihin nanaman ng iba dyan ang drama drama ko. Eh panong gagawin ko ganito talaga ako. Pinanganak na madrama.

Ang dapat pamagat ng post ko eh “Sun and Politics” dahil gusto kong ikwento kung bakit ako nagpalit ng network provider. Pero dahil hindi ako makabuo ng isang kwento sasabihin ko na lang agad kung bakit. Nagpalit ako ng network kasi may nakilala akong bagong kaibigan. At dahil gusto kong makilala siya ng lubusan, nagpalit ako ng network. Uunahan na kita. Hindi ko siya kasintahan o anuman at oo malakas talaga siya sa akin dahil nagpalit pa ako ng numero para lang makausap siya. Hindi nya hiniling na magpalit ako. May topak lang talaga ako kaya ganito. Pero matapos ang dalawang araw na kwentuhan at paguusap, inaalikabok na ang telepono ko. Nagiisip na nga akong bumalik sa dati kong numero para naman may silbi ang telepono ko.

Sa loob ng dalawang araw na kwentuhan, madami kaming napagusapan. Madalas ang usapan ay tungkol sa Moon. Wag mo na akong tanungin kung bakit tungkol sa Moon ang usapan at hindi kita sasagutin. Pero ang pinaka nagustuhan kong usapan naming ay nung nagusap kami ng ala-una ng umaga na umabot hangang alas kwatro ng umaga. Ano piangusapan namin? Moon nanaman. Pero nung araw na yon, medyo naiba ang usapan dahil nahaluan ng politika. Nagbiruan pa nga kami kung ano ang gagawin namin kung kami ang presidente ng Pilipinas. Sabi ko ang gagawin ko eh tatangal ko ng Pork Barrel ang mga mambabatas dahil hindi naman sila hinalal para magpagawa ng mga tulay, kalsada, at eskwelahan. Nandyan sila para gumawa ng batas. Wag nilang agawan ng trabaho ang mga lokal na opisyal. Tapos sabi ko pa na hindi dapat binibigay ang budget sa bawat syudad at bayan. Dapat merong pangbansang budget kung saan manggagaling ang mga kailangan ng bawat bayan. At hindi pera ang makukuha nila kung hindi materyales na kailangan nila para sa kanilang proyekto. Sa ganitong paraan, mababawasan ang korapsyon. Ganyan ang napagusapan naming at kung ano ano pang mga kahibangan.

Ang panghuling bahagi dapat ng post ko ay tungkol kay tungkol sa bigat na dinadala ko ngayon. Nitong nakaraang mga araw, ninais kong lumabas ng aking kwarto para maiba naman ang tanawin. Kasi naisip ko lang na kung lagi akong nakakulong sa apat na sulok ng kwarto ko at lumalabas lamang para magtrabaho, hindi ko makakalimutan ang sakit at lungkot na nadadama ko dahil sa aking ina. Sinubukan kong ayain ang aking mga kaibigan yun nga lang, meron silang mga kanya kanyang buhay at suliranin na dapat din harapin. Nagpapasalamat ako kay Macoy sa kanyang pagdamay sa aking noong nakaraang Lingo. Kahit na antok na antok na at may pasok pa kinabukasan, sinamahan nya akong magkape kahit ang ginawa lang namin ay magtitigan at makipagusap sa kanya kanyang telepono. Sayo Macoy, salamat ng marami!

Whew! Ang haba ng litanya ko! Isipin nyo, yan ang pinagtityagaan ni MB sa araw-araw. Kaya mahal na mahal ko yun eh. Kahit puro drama ako, hindi nya ako iniiwan. Hindi nya ako pinapagalitan. Bagkus, lalo pa nya akong iniintindi at minamahal. Wala na akong mahihiling pa.

LDR

2008-02-16T04:23:00.003+08:00

I was talking to a very dear friend of mine earlier today about his problems with his partner. Normally I would asked him to hold on and fight for their love but not this time. My reason, I'm not a big fan of LDR

Long distance relationships or LDRs for short is one of the hardest kinds of relationship to maintain. The chances that this kind of relationship will last are less than 20%. This is mainly because more often than not, the relationship has a foundation of pretensions. I would like to say “lies” but I will be wrong. This is where the phrase “Put your best foot forward” comes in. I think this phrase was invented when someone was quoted saying “First impressions lasts”. The latter quotation is of course by all means correct. But the second saying gives me the creeps. But what do I know, I’m a nobody.

Going back now to the topic, people who are in LDR, and I’m not saying all of them, put their best foot forward. This mostly happens in the beginning of the relationship, when one party is trying to impress the other side. Trying to get their trust and establishing a comfort zone with them. Of course people will point out that this is just the first part of the relationship and will be of little significance if you get to know the person better as time goes by. What these people are forgetting is the second saying that I mentioned earlier. “First impressions lasts” because they do. And those people who put their best foot forward will have to continue doing so for the rest of the relationship so as not to disappoint the other party, especially if that person has already fallen for the other. This is where it starts to get ugly. I’m not saying that the person who put their best foot forward is lying to the other side. He or she is not. For all we know, he or she is really that kind of person, just not all the time. The problem will come in when that person will have to pretend that he/she is that kind of person, the person the other side has fallen for, even though he/she is not like that every single time.

Just for arguments sake, let’s say that the relationship lasted for 7 months or even a year. Everything is going the way you planed and then you decided that you will now let the other side know the real you. Of course by now you are thinking that since both of you love each other, he/she will accept you for who you really are. Some will, but some won’t. And this is where the relationship will start to plummet. Because even if the person who you fall in-love with accepts the real you, time will come that he/she will start to think that you are not the person he/she fell in-love with in the first place. Tragic but true.

Putting your best foot forward is pretending to be someone who you really are not. And in the process, you will hurt yourself and the people around you. Most people know this but they are still doing it. The reason is they just want to get accepted. I, for one, had fallen prey to this kind of relationship a long time ago. Luckily for me, I’m a pain in the ass and borderline boring. So after 4 months of LDR, I decided to pay my so-called partner a visit in his far home town. Good thing I have the guts to do so or else I wouldn’t know the real person I’m getting involved with. I will probably be still stuck with that person until now and have not found MB.

I can’t say that I’m not doing this “pretending” show. For all I know, I’m just trying to be who I am even if it irritates the hell out the person I’m trying to be friends with. I think its better this way than pretending to be someone that I’m not just so people will like me. I’m just being me. so If I pester your day with questions of pepper you with generic txt messages, I'm just being me. But of course it’s not an excuse not to change. For hurting people, intentional or not, is something that no should be allowed to do.

"Pretending wastes your chances to be happy" - Anon

When A Gay Man Loves...

2008-02-14T04:21:00.001+08:00

I heard about this docu-film from one of the groups I belonged to online. So I got curious and downloaded it. At first I thought that it’s a porn flick because the place where I got it was a place known for it. But after watching it, it was actually about the experiences of our effem friends about falling in-love. And I have to admit, while half watching half listening, I can’t help but feel giggles especially during the part when an actor called his ex and asked for just one more time. Not chance but time. And as he cries while begging for his last hurrah, I was reminded by the people I hurt, the people I gave false hope, and the people whom I deceived.

The documentary also features interviews from people of different religion. And as you know, the Catholics have their stand as well as the Baptists. But what struck me most is what was said by one wizened lady in the form of Fe Alguso of the United Church of Christ in the Philippines. She said that she can accept the homosexuals as a person but she can’t accept a homosexual relationship. I guess what she said is the best thing that came out of religion. Not that I care if they, i.e. religious people, or anyone for that matter, accepts the kind of relationship I decided to enter. But for those people who are waiting for religion to accept who and what they are so that they can “come out”, this is, for me, is the best thing that they could hope for.

For most part, this documentary tackles the topic of homosexuality being a sin as seen by religious people. And of course, the point of view of our effem friends is that it is not. For me the jury is still out when it comes to this matter. And since I’m not religious, it will not matter if it’s a sin or not.

I have been doing this since November of 2005. And even though I can’t say that I have tried everything about this life, I certainly can tell that I have been into relationships that can last me a lifetime. But for all the people whom I was lucky enough to come across with, I’ve only fell in-love twice. Although I can’t say that I was in a serious relationship with one of them, it was still a fun feeling being in-love. And as John Lapus said in this documentary, how can something, that was born of love, and brings happiness to your miserable life can be a sin? For me, I can certainly say that being with MB is one of the best things that ever happened to my life. And if it is a sin, then this is the sin that I will burn in hell for without any regrets.

Happy Valentines Day My Love.

“Sin or not, love like you never love before” - Anon

V Day Blues

2008-02-13T06:51:00.000+08:00

It’s Valentine’s Day again and people are cramming to find someone to be with. I have no arguments about that. If they think that by having someone, they will be happy, they by all means, let them do as they please. But if they are looking for people to be with just for the sake of not being alone on that specific date, you’re not lonely, you’re loony.

Forgive me for my introduction for I have the tendency to pick fights with every word I utter. And it doesn’t have any connection with today’s post. I mean no connection with the “picking fight” thingy. But of course this is a Valentine’s Day post.

This will be the second V day that I will share with MB. But just the same as last year, we will both be in the office, ignoring each other, as we try to accomplish the day’s work. Last year, I tried to ask MB to dinner around 12midnight. Yes I know it’s already the 15th but what the heck! It’s the effort that counts. But of course, being the process lead, MB can’t come with me. But that’s last year. It’s history. Now is what’s important. And I intend to make MB feel special on that day, although I have no idea how to do it.

V day has it’s own perks. In our company, there will be a cork board posted outside so we can post our “love messages” to our crushes and love ones. I intend to make use of it as soon as no one is looking. You may not know this but we are discreet and the relationship MB and I have are kept under wraps. But of course, even with perks, V day comes with its on problems. Here’s some that I currently face:

First concern of the day, “Zero Balance”. Yup I have not a penny to my name as of today. I’m crossing my fingers that our salary will be released on the 13th so that I will be able to buy something for MB or even to pay for our dinner. But then I realized that even if my salary does come out on that day, it will be spent paying debts. Ah the beauty of misery…

Second concern of the day, “Work”. Yes we will be in the same place on that day but don’t forget that we both have our jobs to take care of. We don’t go to our office just to chat and post blogs. Well not MB anyway. So how can I steal him from his desk when last year I was unsuccessful? Hhmmm…

Of course every problem has its corresponding solution. In this matter, I already know what I need to do. The only question is, “will I do it?” Right now, I have no idea…

"Every day is a special day if you decide it is one" - Anon

Grey's Anatomy

2008-02-09T01:01:00.000+08:00

Time

MB is currently watching Grey’s Anatomy. And since we are living together, I was drag in the process. I have to say that I first watched it out of my love to MB but I can’t help but fall for this show. It grows in you.

Anyway, I mentioned it because this post blossomed whiled watching an episode last week. I just can’t figure out what. But what I do know is that at the latter part of the episode, when Meredith Grey is doing her monologue, she mentioned that everybody needs more time. That everyone, demands more time. Time…

I’m currently lost in my thoughts as I think about Time. Surely I’m wondering why I can’t have more time working so I can earn a little extra. Why I can’t have more time so that I can sleep a little longer. Why can’t I have more time to spend with MB every day. Why can’t I have more time with my mum. Why can’t I…

It saddens me deeply to think about all the time I lost by staying away from home. Or even all the time that I spent in the office away from MB. It saddens me deeply and it’s breaking my heart.

Time changes everything. It can even heal the deepest wounds in our hearts. For with time, comes change. With change comes maturity. With maturity comes forgiveness. But why can’t we stop time? Why can’t we have our moments together with our love ones a little longer? Why can’t we just stay here, in this time, and remain happy forever? Why…

I’m stopping right now because obviously, I have a lot of questions in my head right now that I can’t compose even a respectable post. And obviously, even if I said that I was ok, I clearly wasn’t. But maybe it’s ok not to be ok. Maybe it’s ok that sometimes, we’re miserable. That sometimes, we are not ok. And maybe in time, I will be ok…

Time.

“Time waits for no one” - Anon

Henry's Tag

2008-02-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

I was tagged by Henry last January 15 but I was only able to finish it today. So here it is…

1. Name 1 thing you do everyday:
- Read whatever book I'm currently in to

2. Name 2 things you wish you could learn.
- How to save money
- How to save more money

3. Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood.
- Reading blogs
- Going back home (I live in an apartment with MB)
- Talking to my little brother

4. Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do.
- Apple
- Chocolate
- Ice Cream
- Chicken Curry

5. Name 5 things that make you feel good.
- Hug from MB
- Compliments from MB
- Being with MB
- Kiss from MB
- Receiving comments for my posts

I’m currently not in the mood to tag anyone so to all that read this, your TAGGED!

The Cat is out of the Hat

2008-01-30T02:37:00.000+08:00

I tried to keep from MB what happened. He already has too much on his mind for me to add my own problems. Unfortunately, I seem to forgot to ask the people I told to keep it under wraps for now. Until I can tell MB that is. But things do seems to happen outside of your plans. And a couple of days ago, I was confronted by MB about what friends are saying on their blogs as well as on my cbox.

At first, I tried to deny everything. I guess it's just my natural reflex to deny whatever I tried to hide. But as the day goes by, I finally cave in and confessed everything to MB. Unfortunately for me, it came a little too late. And for the first time in a year of living together, we haven't spoken for 3 days.

Usually, after the first couple of hours, I will console MB and asked for forgiveness. But this time it didn't happen. I'm guessing that the events have indeed taken it's toll physically and emotionally that I was no longer able to patch things up with MB just like before. At first, I'm always saying to myself that I'm just taking my time. Phasing myself before I face another issue in my life. Convincing myself that everything will turn out just fine in the end. But as the day goes by, as I pick up the pieces of my heart and soul that was broken, I realized that everything will not be ok. Not unless I do something about it. Not unless I'm strong enough to trudge on.

In the end, I was able to mend my relationship with MB. I know for now it will not be the same as before. But as time goes by, the wounds will heal. I know it will. I need to believe it will...

"There's only one constant thing in this world. That's change." - Anon

1956 - 2008

2008-01-30T02:35:00.000+08:00

“Elvis is Out of the Building”

I always knew that this day will come. That one day, the “King” will have to leave us. I always knew it but I never dreamed or wished that it will happen. Not this fast anyway. But things do happen. Sometimes, I will be able to do things that will prevent things from happening. At times, it works. But this time, I can’t do anything but to accept it.

It’s one of the darkest times in my life but I have to accept it. But it doesn’t mean I can’t mourn or grieve. But as much as I want to, there’s something in me that’s telling me that I should not be sad. For this thing happened for a reason. I may not like the reason but it’s still the reason. And as I see the “King” for the last time, I felt glad. For I no longer see neither pain nor suffering. The “King”, my “King”, is finally at peace.

The “King”, in this story, is a she. The reason why I am using the word “King” to describe her is because she is the so-called “King of the house” in my life. A woman whose life she lived maybe not to the fullest, but definitely with grace and full of love. I will never forget her image as she walks the street while waving and smiling at her neighbors. I will never forget the sound of her laughter and of her giggles. And of course, how can I forget the stern words of wisdom she parted to me through the years that we were together. As if I can.

But the Earth will not stop circling the Sun even when the “King” has left the building. As my friend put it, “Life goes on”. And I totally agree. But at this moment, at this second, I will stop and drop everything my doing to say these words…

“To my mom, my queen, and the “KING” of our house, I love you. Forever.”

“Life goes on. Why don’t you?” - Anon

Celebrating a Friend

2008-01-16T01:41:00.000+08:00

I was given a once in a lifetime chance of getting to know one of the people that I respect greatly. Unfortunately for me, I didn’t ask the right questions. So what happened instead is that the topics revolve around one thing. Love life.

It no longer comes as a surprise that in this life that we are living, the life span of a relationship is no longer than the life of a matchstick. Yes you may last for 5 years or even 10 years but time will come when you will have to move on. I know. I’ve been there. And armed with this fact, I entered a relationship with MB hoping against hope that I will be able to prove my theory wrong. But of course, that’s only the half of it. The other half of my theory is that in this life, boyfriends, girlfriends, and yes, even partners, will come and go but not your friends; Never your friends. Your true friends anyway. Come what may, they will be there.

With this theory, I was able to gain friends of all types. But of course time will come when you will need to part ways with your friends. But we must remember that it doesn’t mean that your friendship has to end. Because no matter the distance or the circumstance is, a friend will always be there. Always.

Now back to my friend. He told me about he has a plan. I mean who doesn’t? But the plan he has involves the “M” word. At first I was surprised, shocked even, not because I doubt his capabilities or him being a responsible partner but because of fear. Fear because I have come to hope that I will never lose him. But things do change. One phase is over, another one begins.

In the course of our conversation, we managed to talk about many things. Things I didn’t know existed. But what fascinated me the most is the fact that even though I already regard him as very respectable person, he was able to take it to a whole new level. I never thought I will be able to respect anyone like the way I respect him. He’s just amazing.

And even though he can be an ass at times, I will not hinder the choices and the plans he already have. I’m his friend. I will support him.

Say What?

2008-01-10T07:02:00.000+08:00

While I was daydreaming earlier, I suddenly remembered an episode of QAF that I saw way back then. I vaguely remember the exact story but what stuck to me the most is this line

“I’m need a partner, not a boyfriend”

And as usual, I started wondering what the difference between the two is. I asked a few people and here’s what they have to say:

Virgin Boy says “The word “Partner” applies only to same sex relationship while “Boyfriend/Girlfriend” is more specific to gender.”

Liberated Girl says “Partnership has less commitments compared to having a boyfriend.”

Lesbian Friend says “I don’t know”

I don’t claim that I know better than any of these people. Everyone knows that my opinion counts less than theirs. But a friend always said, we must trust our own opinions. And my opinion on this matter is this: A Partner is more intimate than a boy/girlfriend. You may have a boyfriend or girlfriend now but everything can change your mind tomorrow and get a different one. But if you have a partner, that can be for life. You are committing yourself to something, to someone, to yourself. And that, my friends is much better than anything a relationship with your boy/girlfriend can offer.

Now comes the hard part. How do you recognize if what you have right now is a potential partner or not? That, I will leave up to you. I had made mistakes about this quite enough and would not want to drag anyone down. But if you ask me now, I can say to you proudly, MB is my partner, not my boyfriend.

"Realization is the key to satisfaction"

Love Notes #8

2008-01-03T03:25:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

I’m sorry po kahapon. I know napaka unfair ng ginawa ko. Nagpakahirap ka na makauwi ng maaga para lang magkasama tayo, ako naman, umalis at inuna ang ibang mga bagay. I’m sorry po talaga.

I know napagusapan na natin ito at dahil understanding ka, naunawaan mo ako. Pero Bhe, hangang ngayon I feel guilty sa nangyari. I should have known better. I mean, dapat mas naging responsible ako sa actions ko. I should have messaged you na matatagalan pa bago ako makabalik. Na wag ka mag alala dahil ok lang ako. Yung mga simpleng bagay na yan na lagi kong nakakalimutang gawin ang unti unting sumisira sa pagtitiwala mo sa akin. Na unti unting nananakit sayo. At sa tuwing nasasaktan ka, hindi lang doble kung di triple pa ang sakit na dadama ko. Napakasakit.

Tinanong mo ako kung ganito na lang ba tayo the entire year. Ayoko ng mangako kasi baka hindi ko matupad. Pero Bhe, gagawin ko lahat para ang taong ito ay maging mas masaya at magaan para sayo. Pipilitin kong paligayahin ka. Sa puso, sa isip, at sa gawa.

Mahal na mahal kita.

Goodbye 2007

2007-12-30T00:45:00.000+08:00

I already know how to blog using multiply before but only last February did I learned about blogspot. And everything is history. But just like every year ender post, here's some things I look back at this year.

Mid January of this year, I canceled my multiply due to some personal issues I need to dealt with. A couple of weeks after that, I was surfing the net when I accidentally landed into one of the blogs of my now close friend TheTripper. And like most people, I became an instant fan. But like a hungry bear, my appetite is not easily satisfied so I checked the links that he has to see if they offer the same kind of "food". That's when I encountered the darkbrokenredjars.blogspot.com of Macoy. He write so fearless and so eloquently that I became so inspired that I decided to create my own blog. To become like Macoy.

My blog, my original one, jmfreak1028.blogspot.com went through several revisions and was left alone by fellow bloggers except for TheTripper and Mugen. Everything change late March when suddenly a thought dawned to me. A new theme and a new topic for my blog. With the help of TheTripper, and the inspirations I got from both Macoy and Joms, I created a new blog. Hence, "The Dark Room, the adventures of the dark knight" was born. Pitiful as my writing skills are, there were some unfortunate bloggers who manage to drop by from time to time. And with the guidance of Joms and TheTripper, my writing improved a bit and my blog began to take it's shape.

I think it was right around the second or third week of June that I introduced to the blogging community the love of my life, MB, which is of course short for My Bebhe. The response I got was so mixed that I almost thought of quitting the blogging world if not for the steady support of my sisters Kaizen and Turismoboi. I would have never made it this long if not for them.

July made its mark when the Dark Room went off the air.

But as Joms said "Once a blogger, always a blogger" so here I am with a new blog but still struggling. But I know I have accomplished something. I guess.

So to all those people who have been instrumental in keeping me in this blogosphere, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And to MB, thank you for understanding me. I love you.

"Don't lose hope. The Sun will shine soon."

14

2007-12-29T07:29:00.000+08:00

Yesterday marked our fourteenth months of being together. But instead of eating out in some place fancy or cooking something special, I spent the day alone in our apartment eating wheat bread and left over ham. MB is with his family in Bohol for the holidays. We’ve already talked about this before but I can’t help the fact that I miss him so much that I couldn’t sleep. And as the night drew to a close, I received a much unexpected message.

“pauwi na ko…”

I was in the office when it happened. I immediately dashed out and hailed the first cab in sight. When I reached our place, the love room, there he was, standing by the door, looking as handsome as ever. I couldn’t wait for the doors to be opened. I grab him and kissed him passionately. And once we got inside, even before we reach our bedroom, we couldn’t stop kissing and holding each other tightly. As if the words “I miss you” and “I love you” are not enough to profess our feelings for each other. Well you know what happened afterwards.

And as we lay together, our skins still touching, telling tales of the days that passed by when we were apart, my mind drifted to the coming year. For I know there will be challenges that we will face. We will have our share of arguments, even fights that we will need to mend. But then, here we are. After fourteen months. Still together. Still getting stronger. So I hold his hand and said to myself that no matter what, I will not let him go. No matter what.

And now as the year comes to an end, I look up to the stars to see what they have to say about my future. Here it goes…

Love and Relationships

The year 2008 will mostly be good for you from the point of view of love and relationships. This year will bring lots and lots of adventure for you. You may meet someone who will take you out of your comfort zone. The experience will be new yet enriching. However, during the earlier part of the year, you need to be careful around some of your friends. One of them may cause trouble for you.

I don’t believe in horoscopes or in fortune telling. But that should not hinder me from hearing what they have to say. “Keep an open mind” I always say. But of course, I always trust my heart. A great general once said “My greatest advantage is that I know my enemy.” I guess I’m thinking on the same line as he did. But nevertheless, I will follow my heart. And my heart tells me that no matter what, I will not let this relationship falter. I love MB so much it hurts.

DK's End

2007-12-27T02:04:00.000+08:00

I was browsing through my files when I found the letter I wrote to MB before I closed my old blog. As I read it again, my heart ached. I remembered how much I hurt MB by acting so foolishly. And now, as the year is drawing to a close, it will serve as a reminder of how close I came to losing MB.

Bhe ,

I'm sorry for acting like a jerk and being stupid for the last couple of days. I know I have hurt you so much and that you may not be able to trust me again. I'm really sorry.

For the last couple of days, I have been trying to end my connection with Jon, the friend who asked me to be his PA. He was the one who keep on calling me and sending me messages. He's also the one who called me "Beb". He asked me if it was ok. I said "bahala ka". I am ending my friendship with Jon because I know it hurts you to see us together knowing that he has other intention than friendship. I just can't seem to figure out how to do it without hurting that person. But believe it or not, I am going to end whatever Jon and I had today.

I love you so much. I have not invested this much emotion in a relationship before. Actually, I never cried before about my relationship. Even with John, when he left me, I didn't cry. Because I know I can move on. But with you, I can't live one more day without you. And I don't think that I can do it again with somebody else. I can not see myself with anyone but you. You are the only person in my mind, my heart, and my soul.

I guess I should stop here. I left the keys to your dorm, our love nest, here. I will be going back to Pasay for a while. Not because I am giving up in this relationship. Because bebhe, I will never let this relationship end. I love you so much to do just that. I would rather die than to let you go.

I will be closing my friendster and other networking accounts. I will be closing the blog today as well. I don't need it if you're not by my side.

Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. I also left my phone here. I will not be using it anymore. It's just going to be a temptation.

I love you so much

TL

Everybody has a problem. And my relationship with MB is not an exception. Many can attest to that. It is not always perfect. But it's how many times I get up that counts. If I stay down, nothing will happen. If I argue, nothing will be achieved. I know. I've been there.

"Falling in love is just like that. You fall and hope. Hope that he catches you."

Looking Back

2007-12-19T06:16:00.000+08:00

History does repeat itself. What’s happening now happened last year as well. And it was when I realized how much important MB is for me. It was during my lowest times that he was there and is still here. And it’s still fresh in my memory. That is one of the reason I was touched by the movie we watched last month.

“He loved me at my worst…”

I just hold MB’s hand tightly when I heard this line. Although it was meant differently in the movie, it had a different effect on me. I realized how much I am being loved by MB. I just hope I’m returning even half of that love because he deserves to be loved.

MB loved me during the worst time in my life. He became the stronghold that I cling to. And when I spoke to Myex about being inlove with MB, he told me that he understood. For MB was there when I felt so low as I was there for him. That MB cared for me when I needed caring. I know what Myex said is true. I just realized now how much it meant to me.

Indeed MB was there and will always be there for me. Through both good times and bad. In sickness or in health. And I love him for that. And now, as I face another challenge in my life, I thank MB for being there for me. Just like before. Just like always.

I love you MB. Always and forever.

Tradition No More

2007-12-14T07:16:00.000+08:00

This will be the second Christmas since we’ve been together. Although we are yet to celebrate it together, we are still happy for each other since we will be spending time with each of our own family. But this post is not about Christmas. It’s still too early for that. This post is about something before that.

I used to have a tradition that I practiced for 15 years. I will spend time alone, either roaming the city or just locked up in my room for a certain day, thinking about the life I lived and to see what else I can do better. For 15 years I have done that without any regrets but something change last year. I met MB.

“We’ve been together for almost the entire day; spending every moment of it with joy like I have never felt before. And even though my heart dictates otherwise, I followed my mind and continued on with my tradition. At around 10 in the evening, I decided to leave while he is still sleeping.

I hailed the first cab that came to my sight and directed the driver to just drive. I don’t know where to go in particular but I just need the speed. I need to think. For my mind is against my heart and I don’t know how to react. I got off at Araneta Center and started to walk. Thinking. Then just like lightning, I decided to take another cab and went back to his place.

As I stand in front of his doors, my heart and my mind are still against each other. But I mastered myself and opened the doors. What I saw made my heart melt. There he was, sound asleep, smiling and so angelic. I took off my clothes and lay beside him. Sensing my warm body, he turned and hugged me tightly and whispered “Thank you.” Fighting tears, I hugged him back and said “No, thank you.”

From then on, I decided that 15 years of tradition is long enough. The following night, I told him the story about my tradition and the reason why I’m breaking it.

“I don’t need to be alone to think about what happened to me this year because I already know that this year, 2006...

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

And now, a year has passed. And as i looked back to what I did last year, I feel no regret. Because for the first time in 15 years of my life, I spent my special day with the only person in the world I will spend it with.

I love you Bhe.

RIPPED!!!

2007-12-12T02:26:00.000+08:00

Ok, I give up. I need you help! You see earlier today, I was uhm, well was doing something with MB’s pants and I kindda manage to rip one of its legs.

I need to find a replacement before MB sees it. Ahm, it’s sort of his favorite pants so to speak. And I will get a helluva of something and nothing of something if you get my drift.

Aeropostale Slacks
Brown
Waist 30

Ahem, ok. Txt me :)

Killer Qoute

2007-12-12T02:18:00.000+08:00

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.

Some are running scared.

Some are coming home.

Some tell lies to make it through the day.

Others are just now facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good.

And some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world.

Six billion souls.

And sometimes...

All you need is one.”

- One Three Hill, 2003

Nuff said

Note: This was supposed to be a videopost. I don't know what happened :(

Love Notes # 6

2007-12-11T05:03:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

Salamat po sa suporta at pagtitiwala. Salamat at nandyan ka lagi sa tabi ko at handing umalalay. Salamat sa pagintindi at pagunawa sa mga bagay bagay. Mahal na mahal kita...

Bhe, alam mo naman ang nangyari nitong mga nakaraang araw. Nagdesisyon akong gawin ang isang bagay kahit na alam kong may masasaktan. Sa totoo lang, wala akong ibang dahilan o rason kung bakit ganun ang aking naging desisyon kung hindi ang sobrang kakulitan ng aking isip. Alam mo naman na hindi ako mapapakali kapag merong isang bagay na hindi ko alam. Para akong kiti-kiti na paroo’t parito kakaisip sa bagay na gusto ko malaman o maintindihan. At nito ngang nagdaang mga araw, nangyari ito. At dahil na rin sa kagustuhan kong masiyahan ang aking isipan, nagdesisyon akong gawin ang bagay na yaon.

Alam kong sasabihin ng mga taong makasarili ang aking hangarin at dapat lang na ako’y kagalitan ng mga taong aking masasaktan. Sa totoo lang, maari ko namang sabihin na ginawa ko iyon para sa ikabubuti nya. Para makatulong. Pero alam mo naman na hindi ko ugali ang magsinungaling hangat maiiwasan. At sa pagkakataong ito, wala akong nakikitang dahilan upang itago ang tunay kong hangarin. Makasarili man ito o hindi.

Kagaya mo Bhe, maraming nagsasabing para akong nagsusugal. Oo tama kayo. Dahil para sa akin, ang buhay ay parang sugal. Sa araw araw, tayo ay binibigyan ng kalayaang mamili at hindi natin alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan. Pipili na lang tayo at mananalangin na sana’y tama ang ating naging desisyon sa buhay. Na sana, maganda ang kalalabasan. Masasabi ko na naiisip ko rin yan nung nagdesisyon ako. Naisip ko na magagalit sa akin ang mga tao. Naisip ko hindi nila ako maiintindihan. Ngunit tinimbang ko kung ano ang mas mahalaga. Ang hindi alamin ang isang bagay at tiisin ang sikip sa aking dibdib o ang makasakit ng aking kaibigan. Oo, sumugal ako. Sumugal ako na mauunawaan ako ng aking kaibigan. Na ako’y kanyang mapapatawad matapos ko siyang saktan ng pangalawang beses.

Aaminin ko, hindi ako umaasa na ako’y kanya pang mapapatawad. Ang aking naging desisyon ay napakamakasarili. Hindi ko inalintana ang kanyang damdamin. Ngunit kahit ganoon man ang mangyari, hindi ako nagsisisi sa aking naging desisyon. Pero kahit napakasakit para sa akin na makitang galit sa aking ang isang kaibiganangagatawan ko ito at haharapin ang anumang kahihinatnan nito.

Ika nga ng isang kaibigan ko, ano daw ba ang mapapala ko sa pakikialam ko sa buhay ng may buhay? Gustuhin ko mang sumagot ng isang magandang rason, pinili kong sabihin ang aking makasariling desisyon. Makasarili pero totoo.

Kaya ako’y nagpapasalamat sayo Bhe. Alam kong hindi mo ako iiwan. At kahit mawala man silang lahat, nandidyan ka pa rin. Handa akong mahalin.

Mahal na mahal kita…

Mike, The Magnet

2007-12-06T02:01:00.000+08:00

You’ve read from my previous post that I was looking for the next step in my relationship with MB. I say was because I got my answer not more than a month ago. We, actually MB, invited a friend to visit our place. Visit the Love Room. And for the first time since we’ve been together, we will be having a guest as a couple. Normally, he would dismiss the idea every time I will bring it up. But that day was different! It was MB who suggested that we invite a friend to come over and have lunch! Shock as I was, I quickly regained my composure and agreed before MB changes his mind. And so we prepared for the visit of my “Friendship”.

It was back in the days of The Dark Knight when I met him. And his blog was not yet named as it is known now. And by means of exchanging messages and comments, our relationship grew deeper and bonds were formed. So deep was the bond I felt that I took the risk and started calling him “Friendship”, a name I still use until today. And what a true friend he has become. For he redefines the meaning of friendship and continuously take it to next level! And now I can say with confidence that my Friendship is indeed a diamond among the sand. A rare find that I will cherish until the end of my days.

So who is this “Friendship” that I’m talking about? I’m sure you already know for he is the friend that is close to everyone’s heart. Yes you guessed it right. The man who used to be called as Mink, the Twink before he was known as the Arabian Phoenix and now has found an identity as the Arabian Paladin. Yes it’s the guy we know as Mink. But for me, he is no longer Mink or the Arabian Paladin. For me, he is Mike, one of my dearest friends.

But apart from all his accomplishments and contributions to my life, the best thing that I will remember about Mike is this: Magnet. Magnet for he was the reason why I was able to meet the other bloggers that I can only dream to meet. For example, I never imagined in my lifetime that I will be able to meet Davenport if Mike would have not come home. Nor will I be able to meet the people who influenced my decisions and helped crafted the Dark Room at the same time. Again, it was a dream come true thanks to Mike.

Another thing about Mike that I really love is how he managed to break down the walls and barriers between different circles. You and I both know that each people have a certain circle of friends. And it is the same here in blogosphere. But thanks to Mike, he was able to combine all that and form one big circle. That’s the power only the Arabian Paladin has.

I am sure there will be more posts written about my friend Mike so for now I will skip some details and go on with my story. You see not only did Mike become my friend; he also became a friend to MB. And ever the loving MB, he accepted Mike not only in our Love Room with all the warmth and hospitality a person can offer, but also in our hearts and in our lives. I will never forget how Mike brought brightness and liveliness back in our dull and lipid place. How he manage to make MB glow with every story he shares. Or even how he reached out to us made us a part of his life.

To Mike:

You’re one of a kind. You’re my Arabian Diamond. And I thank you for sharing, bonding, and loving me as a friend should. I just hope I was able to give even half of what you have given me. I am glad that you are the first friend we have as a couple. You already have a special place in our hearts. And I can’t wait for the next year to arrive. For with the new year comes the hope of seeing you again Friendship. I miss you so much. We both do. See you soon.

To MB:

I love you so much Bhe. I cherish everyday and every moment with you. Thank you for letting me enjoy the company of friends and for being so understanding and caring. I love you with all my heart.

P.S. Don’t worry, when Mike comes back he will cook pineappled chicken again for us.

Good Thing I'm Not Popoy

2007-11-29T06:16:00.000+08:00

On our ride going to home, I tried to bond with a couple of MB’s friends. Luckily, I was able to make them like. And since it’s still early, when we got off at Galleria, I asked MB if it’s ok to watch a movie. Tired as he is, he didn’t object. So we trudged on to the cinema in silence. When we reached the cinema, I asked MB again if it’s ok. He just smiled at me as if trying to assure me that there is nothing more that we wants to do but to watch a movie with me. And eyes welled up and I fought back the tears. Oh how much I love MB!

During the movie, I can’t help but snuggle up with MB. But I guess he is so tired that he was not able to respond the way he would normally do. So, thinking that the best thing that I could do is to let him rest, I shifted to the other side of my seat as to distance myself from him so that he could sleep. So during the entire movie, I acted as if I was watching it alone while stealing some glances to the person I love most in the world.

The movie was good. It made me realize a lot of things and cleared up some thoughts that have been disturbing me for quite sometime now. Here are some of them:

1. Never say how fast a quickie can be if you don’t want to start an argument.

2. Don’t use shampoo for suicide attempts. It will not work.
3. Close your eyes when breaking up with someone if you don’t want to be hit.
4. Don’t kiss a singer, it will make you puke.
5. Not everything can be fixed by make-up-sex.

Seriously though, during the movie, I asked myself what I will do it I will be in Popoy’s shoes. Would I leave the person who were there during the worst time of my life and help me start over just to be with the person I love? No matter how I would like to put it, there is only one answer that my futile, stubborn, rush, and irrational mind. Yes I will. I mean, there is no point at all in being in a relationship with someone if the only reason you are with that person is because you owe him/her. And even though you have grown to love that person, you are just kidding yourself. You know who your heart is aching for. You know who you will be happy with.

I know some of you will say that they will be willing to curtail that longing and bear that heartache because they don’t want to be hurt again. They don’t want to take that step into the unknown once more. They would rather stay with the one they are certain that will not make them cry. I just remember a dialogue in one of the films I like.

“He doesn’t make me cry”

Tess answered to Danny Ocean when Danny asked her if Terry Benedict makes her laugh.

If you don’t take risks, you will live your life asking yourself “What if?” Now ask yourself, do you want that? I know I don't.

Sevens Tag From Henry

2007-11-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

I’ve been tagged by Henry about my sevens. Sorry bro for not being able to finish this tag soon.

Here are the rules:

1. Mention the person who tagged you and create a link back to them.

2. Pick 7 others you would like to get to know better.
3. Let them know you’ve tagged them by leaving a comment on their blog.
4. And don’t forget to give them the rules.

Seven truths about me that you might not have known yet:

1. I used to be an activist and had spent a day in prison about it.
2. I am currently a Recruitment Coordinator.
3. I am an education graduate but not yet licensed.
4. I used to be Dark Knight of thedarkknightcometh.blogspot.com.
5. I am second cousin to singer Christian Bautista.
6. I am a Jed Madela fan.
7. I am a hopeless romantic.

7x7 (which by the way is much harder):

1. I believe that 7 is the most powerful number.
2. I have been in 7 serious relationships (including the one now).
3. I only own 7 things in our apartment.
4. I slack for 7 hours and work for 2 hours in the office.
5. 7 is one of my favorite numbers.
6. This is my 7th try in blogging.
7. I masturbate at least 7 times a week.

I would like to tag people that I want to know more. Those people who we came across as the mysterious type. So I tag Macoy, Engz, Barbara, Davenport, and Shamasu.

Wedding Daze

2007-11-19T22:30:00.000+08:00

As most people know, I was wondering what will be the second step in my relationship with MB. I got my answer last Saturday. We were invited to attend a mutual friend’s wedding in Manila Cathedral. This will be the first time that we will be going to an event as a couple. And it scared me to death. I don’t know how should we act or how we should talk when people are expecting us to be sweet. As in PDA sweet! I mean, PDA is not a problem with me, but I know how uncomfortable MB will be when I start to hold his hands in public even if it's just in front of our friends. Thus, the dilemma.

We arrived at the church 2 hours late because of waking up late and the Christmas rush. But nevertheless, the wedding, being conducted here in the Philippines, haven’t started yet. The reason: The wedding before our friend’s went overtime for some unknown reasons. For all I care, we were not late. We took our seats and the ceremony started. But not before my tummy started to complain that the last food I ate was almost 24 hours ago. So I started fidgeting and grab my phone to send messages to some of my friends just so I can take my mind off my grumbling stomach. This went on even after the mass started. So being the serious type, MB grabbed my attention and told me off for using my phone during a mass. I got crossed so I shut up. Ever the sensitive partner, MB saw the change in my aura and apologized for telling me off. So I told him that the real problem was my tummy. He smiled. And my hunger faded, momentarily of course.

I always fantasized of proposing to my love one when someone else was getting married. And as the groom will give the ring to his bride, I will then take my love one’s hand and give him the ring that will symbolize my eternal love for him. Unfortunately, I don’t have a ring last Saturday, so the dream will have to wait for yet another wedding. For now, I contented myself with holding MB’s hand and mimicking the vows that the bride and the groom were exchanging. I felt MB’s hand squeezing mine. I squeezed back and used my free hand to doodle the words “I Love You” on his thigh. He smiled. I smiled back. And for a moment, we were in our own world. Loving one another.

We were forced back to reality when my tummy grumbled a little louder than expected. We both smiled and wished that the priest will finish the mass and the ceremony soon. But as much as I wanted for the ceremony to be over so that I can eat, I’m afraid of what’s going to happen at the reception. People would be expecting to see a sweet couple. I can always grab his hands or even lean on his shoulders. It will be ok with me but I don’t know about MB. So, I leaned over to MB and whispered to him my concerns. He smiled at me and squeezed my hands tight. As if to assure me that everything is going to be ok.

All in all the wedding was great. Everything went according to their plan. And I’m very happy for our friend. She married the love of her life. I just hope he did.

“Love is the food of the soul” - Anon

Wandering Thoughts Again...

2007-11-16T01:39:00.000+08:00

Another lazy day at the office so I found myself in reverie yet again.

Next Step

We've been together for the past 13 months with the last 11 months of it leaving together. I can't say that we have gone through everything just yet but I can definitely say that we got to know each other more. We have grown together. And with that, our love for each other. Now, staring at my monitor, I wonder, what will be the next step to our relationship. What will be the next hurdle that will come our way that will help us grow more. I wonder, what's next?

Moving On

I met a guy just a couple of days ago who endlessly talked about his ex. Yup! His ex! They've been together for not more than 5 months but he is so sure that his ex is the love of his life! It made me remember the days when I haven't gotten over my ex. When I used to wake up everyday reminiscing every happy moments we had together. Reminding myself day after day, that I love him. That there is no one else for me. Then, I met my Bebhe. Boy was I wrong! My ex was not the love of my life! It's my Bebhe! I was so sucked up into the "relationship" concept that I filled the vacuum in my heart with our happy memories. But that's just that. Memories. No more, no less. But thanks to my Bebhe who woke me up from the illusion I was having and showed me true happiness. I love you Bhe!

Taking Risk

What I like about being young is the fact that they can recover if they failed on the endevours they take. Why not? They have Time on their side. This is the same reasoning that I heard from a lot of people when it comes to getting in a relationship. They are afraid to take anymore risks because they think that they might not be able to recover anymore from hurt. But I believe that the moment you stop taking risks is the moment that you die. Without risks, you will just fall in a monotonous kind of life. Dull and boring. Remember, if I never took the risk of being hurt and rejected, I would have not found the missing piece of my heart!

A quote from my favorite movie character when he was confronted by his troop about not being able to beat the enemy's army.

"No, we can not. But we will meet them in battle none the less."

King Theoden

Lord of the Rings, The Return of the King

Wandering Thoughts

2007-11-14T04:27:00.001+08:00

Staring in front of my screen for the last 7 hours doing nothing resulted to some thinking.

Fear

Just last week, I started walking a familiar path. A path to my own destruction. I said familiar because this is not the first time that it happened. First time it happened, it was my best friend who was the casualty. After that, every person I was closed to me got a piece of me. I ended leaving everything I have worked hard to create.

Now, after almost 10 years, it’s happening again. I broke a friend’s heart. Then, it was the code of silence. I’m afraid that if this continues, I will need to leave the world I began to love, forever.

I know some of you will react different after reading this one. Some will say that I should work things out with my friend. Others may even say that, as far as they know, everything has already been taken care of. But I know myself. Either I end up hurting more people, or I will hurt myself.

Grow Up!

Surprisingly, I can hear people saying that phrase as they read this post. And I have to agree with them. I should grow up. I’m so immature! Reckless and insensitive! Now I’m not saying this just to get you on my side. I don’t need that. I’m saying these because these are the facts. And they are undeniable.

Trust

One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Personally, I don’t think there will be any relationship at all if there is no trust between the two individuals. Because for me, people in a relationship puts there life, money, feelings, and time in the hands of the person they are with. Will you rely on someone you don’t trust? So if you can’t trust the person you are with, you better break off the ties between you because without trust, the relationship is dead.

A quote from my favorite movie goes like this…

“… I’m the best because I work with the best. If you don’t trust the person you work with, you’re as good as dead.”

Harry Stumper
Armageddon, 1999

Relate! Relate!

Many of you who have witnessed my rollercoaster relationship with my Bebhe can attest that too many times I have pushed my Bebhe’s trust to the limit. But My Bebhe’s still here. That is one of the main reason why were still together! We love each other so much that we trust each other no matter what. If one stumbles, the other is there to lift him up. And even if it hurts so much, so much that you feel you can’t trust anyone anymore, my Bebhe just closes his eyes and extend his hand to me. Helping me and trusting me all the more. Honestly, I don’t know what I did to deserve such a wonderful and loving person such as my Bebhe. And now, at my lowest point, know one thing; I trust my life, my entire being, to the love of my life. My Bebhe.

Love Notes #5

2007-11-11T22:11:00.000+08:00

Bebhe,

Nalulungkot talaga ako at hindi ka nakasama nung nagkita kita kami nila Mike, Jay, Marlon, Reynaldo, Carlos, Mark, at Dave. Napakasaya nilang kasama. Lalo na si Mike! Hahaha hangang ngayon natatawa ako tuwing maalala ko kung papano niya pinatahimik si Marvin Agustin ng sabihin nyang "Ang gwapo mo naman". Sabi ko sayo Bhe, parang dumaan ako ng ilang beses sa sobrang tahimik namin. Parang nagiintay ng reaksyon ng bawat isa sa narinig namin. Nung nagsalita na lang ulit si Marvin, dun na lang kami ulit nakahinga ng maluwag. Kung may dala lang akong camera nun nakodakan ko sana ung nangyari hahaha. I'm sure matutuwa ka.

Hhhmmm... Since wala akong picture nila, describe ko na lang sila sayo. Dahil nakwento ko na dati si Carlos at Jay, unahin ko na si Mike. Alam mo bang higit pa siya sa inaasahan ko? Hindi ito ang unang pagkikita namin pero nung una ko siyang nakita, akala ko talaga artista! Makinis at maputi! In short flawless! Tapos akala mo minsan lumilipad ang isip yun pala eh inoobserbahan nya lang pala kami. Nakakatacute! Pero infairness Bhe, ang sarap kausap nyang si Mike! Ang daming alam! Microbiologist ba naman eh!

Pangalawa, si Mark. Siya ang pinakamayaman na blogger na nakilala ko! Grabe! Unico iho ba naman eh. Haciendero ata ang loko! Hahaha! At hindi lang yun ha, kung saan saan yan nakapunta! Nakakaingit! Minsan nga pagbinabasa ko yung blog nya at nakikita ko ung mga pictures, parang nalibot ko na ang buong Pilipinas! Ang galing! Pero dahil hindi kami gaano nakapagbonding, sa susunod ko na lang siya ikukwento sayo.

Pangatlo si Marlon. Kabatabata pa eh ang cute cute na! Tapos ang tahitahimik! Hindi makabasag pingan. Kung hindi ko pa kikibuin eh hindi rin kami kakausapin. Nakakatacute din!

Pangapat ay si Reynaldo o Rey for short. First time ko siyang nakita at nakilala nung araw na yun. At talaga namang para akong nastarstruck! Kilala siya ni Marvin Agustin! Hahaha! Nakakatuwa! Tapos game na game siya sa usapan. Kahit ano. Ang masasai ko lang, magaling siya makisama. At sigurado akong hindi nagkamali ang kaibigan namin ng maging sila!

Panglima ay si Dave. Ang pangalawa sa pinakapogi sa aming lahat! (Pangalawa lang kasi ako yung una! harharhar) Pero kupal talaga siya eh. Hehehe hindi mo ba napansin nung kasama natin siya sa EK eh ang kulit kulit? Hahaha.

Ayan, nadescribe ko na sila sayo. At ang haba na ng post na ito! Hahaha yung lunch namin eh ok kaso medyo bitin kasi inubos ng mga kasama ko ung pagkain. Pero kahit bitin sa pagkain, busog na busog kami sa kwentuhan. Parang hindi kami mauubusan ng gustong sabihin sa bawat isa. at sa tuwing nangangailan ng pahinga, dadaan lang ako para tumahimik ng konti hehehe.

Sana sa susunod po makasama ka na. Namiss kita at namiss ka ng mga kaibigan ko na kaibigan na din ang turing sayo.

I love you.

TL

Working it Out

2007-11-11T17:19:00.000+08:00

I don't pretend to be an expert when it comes to relationships. Everybody who knows me and those who I had relationships with can attest that I suck when it comes to being a better half. But why do I write about something I suck at? Well, I believe that my failures has taught me alot and I want to share it to everyone who wants to listen.

First off, I used to believe that relationships starts because of the the so called "spark". Back then, I will immediately turn down a person I just met because there is no "spark" when we had coffee. What the --?? Imagine the number of people I hurt because I won't give them a chance of proving themselves because of such a lame ass reasoning?? And how about those people that I had relationships with? I readily said "I love you" before even knowing the real persno behind the mask just because there was a "spark". I can go on and on but it will just get nasty. I have already made a post about this one so just go dig my archive about that one. This post is not about starting a relationship anyway. It's about maintaining it.

I just read from Jhed's latest post about a friend asking him how to tell his lover that he's no longer in love with him after 2 years of being together. I do not know what is happening between their relationship so I will not and can not comment about it. But what I do know is this. People stay together not because of love. People stay together because of faith. Yes you were both inlove in the early part of your relationship. I don't deny that. But after 3 or so months, that love changes. It matures. Let me rephrase. It Must Mature! We grow old, so must our love for each other. But what happens when you feel that you are "no longer" inlove with you mate? Do you just say, "Hey Sorry I don't love you anymore. Thanks for the 2 years!". People believe you me when I say that it happens! We may be bored of being with our mate or seeing them or talking to them everyday. But that doesn't mean you don't love him/her anymore! You just need to try different things. Or even try a different approach. Suprise each other every now and then. And don't fling around the phrase "I love you" every so often. Let your partner crave for it. It helps. Trust me. I know.

I can go on and on about this post but it's getting late and I need to be with my Bebhe instead of infront of my monitor. So here's the juice about this one. Don't say "I don't love him anymore". Reality check, you don't love him the first time you were together. If it's a spark, then it's just lust. If there were no spark and love blossoms during the course of time, then it might be love. Don't you want to make sure every possibility is exhausted first before giving up? I know I would.

"Work begins where love ends" - Anon

A very "Enchated" Day

2007-11-06T07:14:00.000+08:00

I planned to go to Enchanted Kingdom with Mink last Sunday, November 4. Actually, it was Turismoboi's idea. Unfortunately, I had to cancel 2 days before our trip because my Bebhe, who went back to his hometown for the holidays will be coming home on that said day. Of course I will be spending that day with him instead. So Saturday came, the evening before the trip, I already confirmed to Mink that I will not be able to joinn when he informed me that for some reason, Turismoboi will not be able to join them. So it will be just him, Gripen, and Davenport. I just wished them good luck and decided to rest for the evening when I received a message from my Bebhe that he will be coming home that very night! I was ecstatic! I will be seeing my Bebhe after 4 days of being apart from each other! Oh how I miss him! I immediately started cleaning because the place was a mess! Yes I'm a slob. But before I was able to completely clean the apartment, my Bebhe arrived.

[insert kilig moments here]

After making sure that my Bebhe's well rested, I started to regale him of my unexciting holidays spent in the apartment playing "mosquitos" in my phone. And when the topic about EK was brought up, My Bebhe bolted upright and said that he wanted to go to EK. I then informed him that there is a possibility that we will be seeing my blogosphere pals there. And to my suprise, he said "It's OK". Whoaa!!! I didn't know what to do or to check his temperature. Because this is my Bebhe not caring about seeing my friends! Usually, he will be his anti-social self but today... I immediately grab the opportunity and made the plans to be in EK as early as possible!

.Sunday.

We woke up just before 10am and after eating breakfast, I hastily prepared everything so that we can leave for EK. Everything was just great! And we even get to see the remains of Glorietta 2 when we went to makati for our ride!

.EK.

When we arrived at EK, I sent Mink a message saying that we already there. Mink was there already with Davenport as early as 10am. Hahaha addicts!!! Anyway, we met each other, and for the first time, I was able to do one of the things that I wanted to do for the longest time. Introduce my Bebhe to my friends. Introductions were made and we started to stroll around the part. Nothing much was said but as the day progressed, I saw and felt that my friends made sure that my Bebhe felt welcome and my Bebhe, the ever charmer, made sure that he was not a killjoy all through out the day. What more can a guy ask for?

Altough we ended the day earlier than expected (Davenport got dizzy with the rides and everyone except for Bebhe and Mink got wet because of the jungle log jam and the rio grande rapids)We went home around 8pm. Of course this was after our little chit chat about sex, relationships, and more sex.

All in all, the day went great! Soak, cold, sleepy, tired,, but definitely happy. As the old folks say, "This one is for the books!"

"Magic is the bond between friends. Unseen yet Poweful." - Anon

Rekindling the Fire

2007-11-05T20:50:00.000+08:00

Its been a while since I was here. As many of you know, I just came back from a well deserve rest from blogging. It did bring some bad issues along with it but what's really important is that I got my rest and now, fully energized, I'm back in the blogging world!

As many of you will say, its not that easy to get back on one's own feet. It takes time. And that's what I will just do. I will take time in going back to blogging to avoid burning out again.

So! What to write on this glorius Monday night? I know! Why not start with the rumor that went around about me closing my blog? Yup! That will be nice. I noticed that some of my blogmates speculated about the sudden decision I made of going private. Especially the words that I used in making the blogosphere know about it. So let me see... If I remember it correctly, Angelopaolo, my sisterhoods Kaizen and Turismoboi, shamasu, and Kapatid na Gripen,, too name a few, who made an assumption that I had a problem with my relationship with My Bebhe. and I understand where they're coming from! I mean for goodness sake! This blog is made for my Bebhe! If I were in their shoes, I will be thinking the same thing! Because I will be concerned for my well being. And I can feel that they feel the same way. So guys, THANK YOU!

So what is the real reason behind my abrupt disappearance. Well honestly, I just lost the fire of writing. I lost the drive. No that my relationship with Bebhe started to become dull and unintersting that I can't write anything about it. On the contrary, so much was happening that I can't get my wits together to write something about it. So instead of seeing my blog everyday and frustrating over not being able to write a thing, I went private. And I got more than what I bargained for! Not only was I able to rekindle the blogger in me, I also got my priorities straight and got to spend more time with my Bebhe. Isn't that great?!?

Lastly, and I just want to say this, thank you guys for all the support and loving that me and my Bebhe receive from you everday. We both appreciate it more than you think.

"Diamonds are rare and expensive but nothing compared to a true friend" - Anon

A Year At Last

2007-11-02T20:55:00.000+08:00

Last October 28 we celebrated our first anniversary. And to commemorate our union, we made sure that we have enough time for each other on that very special day. Although most of our time was spent sleeping beside each other and arguing when we were awake, I can still say that all in all, that day was one of the happiest day of my life. Why, you might ask. What made my day at all when we don't seem to have done something special? All I can say is just being with my Bebhe makes that day worthwhile. Watching my Bebhe sleep and listen to his subtle snores that are like music to my ears. Those things, my friends, made my day. Because I believe that it was not the fancy food or the expensive suite or even the great sex will make that day memorable. A year or two from now, we will not remember where we had our first anniversary. Rather, we will remember how we cuddled each other. How we laugh at each other's recorded snores. And how we made it through a year.

To you my Bebhe, I love you.

2007-10-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

I need a rest.

Nuff said.

This blog is going private.

No Regrets

2007-10-05T05:00:00.000+08:00

He's worth it.

I know you will disagree with me on this one. I guess we have our own opinion. But never think that what you have done or who you have done it with is not worthy. Live without regrets I always say. We never know if we will still be here tomorrow. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a happy go lucky person. Actually, I'm more of a loner. I prefer to stay indoors with my fave book than go out and hang out. But do believe what I say about love. I've been there one too many times.

I will be a hypocrite if I say that I never regretted anything. I did. Back when I was young and stupid. But when love comes. True love. Even though it only lasted for several months, there should never be any regret. Yes even tears, money, and time we spent with people should never be regretted. Because through them, we become strong. Through them we learn.

I read a profile about a guy saying that he is laughing at himself. He said he just realized that the person who broked his heart and whom he spent months of depression and tears before being able to move on is not worth it at all. I ponder about what he said for a couple of minutes before I was able to react. Do we need to regret what happened because it never worked out? Should we say that a person who broke our hearts is not worthy of our tears? These questions flashed through my mind as I read his writing for the nth time. Then I asked myself "Will I regret the tears and time I will be spending alone if my relationship with my Bebhe won't work out for the best?" "Will I be angry or mad at my Bebhe for leaving me or letting me go?"

I'm an open minded person and I am not a fortune teller. I don't know what wil happen in the near future. We can still be together or we have went our separate ways. Things change. Time changes everything. Even people. And I don't know what I will do or can do if my relationship with my Bebhe don't work out. But I do know one thing, there will be no regrets. For everytime I spent with my Bebhe is worth it. Every tears I have shed and will shed. Every single breath that I take with him. Even the fights between us.

Every single second.

Every single smile.

More than worthy of tears.

It's worth dying for.

Patalastas - The Dark Knight

2007-10-04T03:58:00.000+08:00

The Dark Knight

Lucky Me

2007-10-03T04:32:00.000+08:00

I've been seeing a trend in the comments about my posts. They mostly say about how lucky my Bebhe was and how much I love my Bebhe. I'm not saying that its wrong but this is supposed to be about my Bebhe and not about me. So I decided, that for this post, I will highlight how much my Bebhe loves me.

Everybody remembers the "Mcdo" incident. I should have told my Bebhe about that meeting. I was only with a friend. But I hesitated. I thought he would not understand. But I was wrong. He do understands. But did I stop there? No! I continued hiding secret meet ups to my Bebhe. I have no idea why I continued doing that even though I know that he will understand what I will be doing. Maybe because I don't want to see or hear him say "no". Because you and I both know that if he says "no", like it or not, I will have to stay put. I'm "under". I know. But I love it!

During our last monthsary, he bought me a gift. Silly me, I never gave him anything. It's a cute pillow shaped like a dog bone. I will post a picture of it here soon and you will know why I mentioned it. And everytime I think of it, it puts a smile on my face. I'm making a mental note of buying him a gift later.

And just a couple of days ago, I saw him reading the same book I just finished. I know we both love reading but we like different genre. But he tried to appreciate what I want and love. I remembered an instance when he tried playing NeverWinterNights. Though it gave him a headache and gave up later, the effort I saw him put just so that we can have something in common makes me want to cry.

Those who know me knows about my other deeds that I will not mention here because I decided to forget about them. They're history. And should not be allowed to happen again. And here is a great testimonial to the great love I received everyday from my Bebhe. He forgives. No matter how grave my sin was, he forgives me and loves me even more. Not only does he help me get up from my fall, he assist me in making sure that I have an action plan to avoid future mistakes! How can I a guy like me not love him? He's perfect!

I know some of you may still ask me what I saw in my Bebhe and why I was so inloved with him. I can give you a thousand and one more reasons other than what I stated above. But let me answer that in a different way.

"Love was never meant to be explained. It's meant to be felt"

Lovenotes #4

2007-09-28T06:18:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

We've beent through a lot and I know there are still hurdles coming our way. But I know we can get pass them. Together.

Thank you for 11 months of love and trust. Thank you for all those 334 days that we shared together. And for the last 8016 hours that I will cherish for the rest of my life, thank you. And how can I forget spending 480960 minutes with you as we laughed, fight, cuddle, and love each other. All those times, never did I regret spending a second with you.

And now here we are. After 11 months, we're still here. Loving and fighting. But that what makes us stick together. The knowledge that the other is concern, even if it results in a quarrel. A day without words being exchange. Yes, I don't regret those. Because for me Bhe, those are the times that showed the real you. And how lucky I am to have you in my arms everyday. To feel your warm embrace. I love you.

11 months have passed and I have no plans of stopping nor slowing down. You asked me when I professed my love to you if this is the kind of relationship I wanted. My answer 11 months ago is the same until know. Yes! And I will never consider having anyone in my life except you. You complete me.

I know we are having problems. Even now, as I write this, I think about them. But that doesn't change the fact that I love you. Come hell or high waters, I will be here for you. I love you with all my heart. No one else comes close.

Happy monthsary.

I love you.

"Only a fool runs when a problem comes" - Anon

Lovesong #7

2007-09-28T06:06:00.000+08:00

Bon Jovi - All About Loving You
Uploaded by val6210

Faded memories of me and you
Mistakes you know I've made a few
I took some shots and fell from time to time
Baby, you were there to pull me through
We've been around the block a time or two
I'm gonna lay it on the line
Ask me how we've come this far
The answer's written in my eyes

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you
I've lived, I've loved, I've lost, I've paid some dues, baby
We've been to hell and back again
Through it all you're always my best friend
For all the words I didn't say and all the things I didn't do
Tonight I'm gonna find a way

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you
You can take this world away
You're everything I am
Just read the lines upon my face
I'm all about lovin' you

Every time I look at you, baby, I see something new
That takes me higher than before and makes me want you more
I don't wanna sleep tonight, dreamin's just a waste of time
When I look at what my life's been comin' to
I'm all about lovin' you
All about lovin' you

Love Song #6

2007-09-26T01:55:00.000+08:00

"Hard Habit To Break" Jed Madela & Gary Valenciano
Uploaded by tribeofjed

QT

2007-09-20T01:30:00.000+08:00

I must thank HR for the message he/she posted in my CBOX "downtime is lovetime" because it gave me an idea on what to be posting today. I have been struggling to write a new post since last Monday but was not able to. Writer's block some may call it. Me? I don't know what or why.

My Bebhe's sickness and afterwards, mine, couldn't come in a better time. We have both been working too hard and even though we are living together, we barely have time for each other and even our sex life is suffering. But thanks to this blessing in disguised, all that was history! We were like newly weds all of a sudden. Cooking together, laughing at and with each other, even reading books together We were bonding and I'm not complaining! It has been months since something like this happened. And now I know better. Never again will I let work get too much of my time. My Bebhe's worth more than that. More than anything this world can offer me.

Yesterday was another lesson learned. I was reading this month's cosmo and an article struck me. Quality Time or better know as QT. It says that couples who cook together has a 50% more chance to last compared to those who don't. Thank goodness we both love to cook! So I guess are chances are higher than you guys huh? hehehe... Another part of the article said that watching TV is NOT considered as QT. But I beg to differ. Because on our case, we use that to discuss whatever we are watching. Which nowadays is either House MD or Avatar, the last air bender. Needless to say, we do try to make the most of the time we are together.

Lastly, we are now both officially engaged in a sport. But not physical sports. That's for the jocks like my Bebhe but not me. I'm a nerd. And since I'm a nerd, our sport is CHESS!!! I used to be a varsity player for this sport when I was still in highschool but I never owned my own chess set. So one day, when me and My Bebhe was strolling, we saw a set on sale. Without and hesitation we bought it. I had a hard time convincing my Bebhe to play with me but he gave in one time and now he's the one asking to play it. Am I a good teacher or what?

Another lame post. I guess I'm still suffering the "block". But to stop posting will mean I'm giving up. So I will continue to post more until I get my rhythym back.

"QT is time well spent" - Anon

Downtime

2007-09-14T04:20:00.000+08:00

Whew! It's only been a couple of days and it seems that I haven't been blogging for quite sometime. You see I needed to take care of something more important than blogging. Something even more important than my life. It was my Bebhe. Not that I don't take care of him but simply because, since late Monday, he was sick. He had a fever and experienced some muscle pain. To be honest, I almost panic when Tuesday night arrive and he still has a fever. I almost begged him not to go to work but knowing my Bebhe, begging won't do any good. So I just supported him and made sure that he had plenty of rest.

Wednesday come and the fever went down. I was sure that everything will be well but I was wrong. Come Wednesday evening, He was so sick that both of us was not able to go to work anymore. I just lay beside him, making sure that he is warm when cold creeps in. when morning arrive, I placed my palm against his forehead and smiled. No more fever. So after a long night, I finally dozed off.

We woke up around mid afternoon Thursday and had a blast together. We even had a pillow fight! Laughter can be heard from all four corners of our love room. For me, I was just glad everything was back to normal. We both decided to go to the office early so that we can catch up to the work that we missed the day before. We arrived in the office around 8PM and was off to a good start when, I guess, I reached my limit.

You see, all those days that my Bebhe was sick, I was beside him. Hugging and kissing him. So there is no arguement that this time will come. When it will be me who will be sick. What really suprised me is the timing. I guess my body knows that it can't be sick during that the time that my Bebhe was sick. Or maybe it was just pure coincidence. I can't remember willing myself not to be sick because my Bebhe needed me. All I know is nothing was running through my mind during those times other than the sight of my sick Bebhe in a fetal position. Well, whatever it is, I'm just quite thankful that we were not sick at the same time.

Sorry guys, downtime. Please bear with this lame post for now.

Love Notes #3

2007-09-08T06:10:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

Wala lang, gusto ko lang share sayo yung mga nabasa ko sa blog ng friends ko this week. Iba iba ang post nila pero iisa ang dumikit sa utak ko. "Spark"

Naalala mo nung nagsisimula pa lang tayo, naikwento ko syo na hindi ako talaga nanliligaw pero pagdating sayo, wala, iba ka kasi. Hehehe uuyyy kinikilig. Anyway high way, balik tayo sa "spark" na yan. Madami kasi akong nababasa na nakikipagdate tapos papatayin agad nila ung pag asa na pwendeng maging sila nung nakadate nila kasi "walang spark". Nakakainis di ba? I mean kailangan ba talaga ng "spark"? Tayo nga running 1 year na pero hindi tayo nag start sa spark spark na yan. Remember sabi mo hindi mo nga ako gusto back then kasi pasaway ako. (Well hangang ngayon naman pasaway parin ako hehehe) Isa lang patunay yan na wala talagang spark between us pero we made it work! Hay naku, naha-highblood ako hehehe. Relax. Relax Relax.

Sa palagay ko kasi, paminsan minsan, dapat marunong magisip sa labas ng kahon ang isang tao. Sabi nga ng kapitbahay nating si Plato eh dapat hindi tayo nagko-conform sa sinasabi ng society. Dapat paminsan minsan, susuway tayo sa agos. Kasi kung parati na lang nating gagawin ang sinasabi ng iba, aba eh maging robot na lang tayong lahat at baka lumabas pa si Will Smith at hanapin si Tom Cruise para simulan na ang War of the Worlds hehehe. Corny I know eh ano magagawa ko naha-highblood na ako. Ok back to the topic. Hindi ko naman sinasabi na hindi kailangan ng spark. I mean, most of the relationships that I know is dun nagsimula. Pero hindi lahat eh succesful. Kasi minsan ung sinasabi nilang "spark" eh libog lang talaga at pag nairaos na, wala na. Babu. Goodbye. See Ya. End of Story. Tingnan na lang nila ang nangyari sa akin. Nakaamin na relationship na ako bago pa maging tayo. Lima don based sa "spark" na yan pero ano nangyari? Wala! Ni hindi man lang tumagal ng 3 months! Ung isa nga 2 weeks lang eh. Pano nga libog lang talaga.

Hay naku weekend na at ayoko nang magesep esep. Tama na ang post at tayo ng umuwi. Miss ko na amoy mo at ang mga yakap mo. Hehehe ngayon pa lang naamoy na kita. Amoy pinipig! Hehehe. Love you!

Moments!

2007-09-08T05:07:00.000+08:00

I read my neighbor Engz's post about his moments and it inspired me to write a post about my moments with my Bebhe. I will try to keep it short and direct to the point so as not to bore my readers. I will enumerate probably 7 moments in our almost a year of relationship together. And I would like to start off with this...

MCDO

Almost everybody who have read my blog knows about this, for this post, moment in our lives. And for the interest of those who doesn't knwo it yet, let me share to you what happened.

It was a weekend and as usual, we will be spending it together. But before we go home, I got a mesage from my Bebhe that he will be having lunch with a friend of his. I said ok. Afterwards, I planned of meeting Cox? while they have lunch so that I can meet the person behind the "brewing" comment. We met at Mcdonald's in Katipunan. And while enjoying a good conversation and a quick meal, something suprising happened. Yup you guessed it right! I turned around and lo and behold, I saw my Bebhe waving at me. I was shock and was not able to move in my sit. I think I turned red but none of that matters now. I mean, I was there in Mcdonald's, not only did I not joined my Bebhe and his friend for lunch, I was having lunch with someone he don't know! Aarrgghhh!!! I mean it would have been fine if I told my Bebhe what I will be doing but no, the idiot boy in me kick in and just throw cautions to the wind! I mean Cox? knew that I already have a Bebhe and that I love him and that our meet up will be just a friendly meet up. Honestly, I have no idea what happened inside my head that time but what I do know is that I hurt My Bebhe's feeling so much that even as I right this, it pains me deeply. How i wish I could turn back the time and asked his permission first before doing that meet up. Alas, we travel the path only once. And did I learned my lesson? Nah. I'm a stupid stubborn guy. But what I do know is that from then on, I can't afford to lose my Bebhe. My Bebhe is my life.

JOLIBEE

It happened after the last day of training for my company and my Bebhe was our trainer. He's not my Bebhe yet but I was, as my Bebhe would like to put it, stalking him. I would stay in the office even after work hours just to wait for him to finish what he is doing. Although we live in a different place (Me in Pasay, he lives in Katips) I would still stay and chat him up. Honestly, I can't remember why I did those things. I mean, even though I have no other things to do, going home early and resting would have been better than staying until late morning doing nothing but watching my Bebhe work. Ok back to my story. Last day of training, I asked him if he would have lunch with me. So we went to Jolibee in Insular Building in Makati to have our meal and a little chit chat. But since he is still uncomfortable with me plus he's a bit anti-social, I did all the talking. And right in the middle of the conversation, I informed him that I have a secret. A secret that I keep from the rest of the world. He leaned closer. "I'm Batman" and with that, I saw him laugh for the first time. It was so beautiful that I just sat there, mouth agape, amazed at what I was seeing. I was kicked back into reality when I heard him asking me if I was ok. I guess it was my mistake to give a short lull in the conversation because he told me that we should go. But before we left stood, I asked him one last question.

"Do you like me?"
"That's a good question."

Then we left and part ways. The question was never answered until now. Everytime I asked him what was his answered back then, he will just smile and kiss me. Come to think of it, I should ask him more often hehehe

Patalastas - Threesome

2007-09-06T03:38:00.000+08:00

It was Monday (June 2007) and the weekend is not looking good for me and My Bebhe when I received a call from home. It was my Mom asking for my assistance to pick up my brother who manage to get himself drunk and was not able to go home. So from QC, I went to Sucat to pick him up, bring him to Pasay where he has an apartment, and then back to our apartment and try to salvage whatever is left of my weekend when I received an unexpected message.

"Plan's change. We're on!"

Caught by suprise, I immediately called my Bebhe and informed him that I will be doing the meet up that was cancelled after all. No reply. Great! But I went ahead and meet my comrades anyway. Now these two that I will be meeting are not any ordinary people! They help shape my blog and are instrumental in the creation of my alter ego Dark Knight. Without them, there is no Dark Knight!

Let me describe them to you. The first one is Macoy. I have met him before but it was more like an introduction. Today will be the first time that a real conversation may take place. One thing that will strike you about him is his height. He's tall! Probably 6'1 or more. As if the height is not enough, he has a killer smile and a tongue trick that can knock anyone off their feet. And like any great deals, there's more! He's smart, down to earth, and rich. I know I'm not describing a saint but what can I do, these is how I perceive my comrade in arms.

Second is one of the first people in the blogosphere that I have corresponded with. Back when I still don't have a blog. Back when there was just JMFREAK. Back when nobody gives a damn about my existence. This guy reached out and befriended me. Yup you got it right! It's Hugh. This will be the first time that I will be meeting him in person. And thinking about the comments from people that have met Hugh, I got all worked up. They say that he is good looking. The next one says he's articulate. Everywhere I turn I here only good things about him. I was nervous as well as excited.

I arrived at Gateway around 7pm when the meet up will not be until around 9pm. Not that excited huh? Well Macoy is already there and I planned to rendevous with him first before we meet Hugh. And since this is the second time we saw each other, the atmosphere is lighter and we chatted in GJ while waiting for Hugh. We broach every topic that we can think off while drinking our coffee that Macoy paid for when Hugh arrived. Forgive my sustagen-deficient brain because I can't remember whatever we discussed nor what they were wearing. All I know is that Hugh lived up to what people says about him and more! I think I said that if I will be the one to rate him, 1 - 10 where 10 is highest, I will give him a 12. "I think" because I can't remember.

The night was long and our topic changed from one thing to the next. It was a joy to finally be able to converse with these people that I idolize. I was even given the opportunity to see the people behind the blog. The real Macoy and the real Hugh. I can go on and on about these two great figures that I finally met but I would like to end it here. For now.

"Far more valuable than riches or fame are gained when you found a friend" - Anon

Weekend Blues

2007-09-05T01:59:00.000+08:00

I make it a point that every weekend is a special day for me and my Bebhe. It is the only day of the week that I have him for myself. But last weekend was a bit different. And for the first time in 10 months, we had our very first argument. Usually, if i see an argument on its way, I will fold and concede not because my Bebhe is right or I was right, but because I believed that a couple should never have an arguement if it can be avoided. One should not be angry when the other one already is. No good thing will come out of that. But I guess everything has its limit. Even patience.

I have no idea how it started but for some apparent reason, everytime, and I mean everytime, that we are in public, we tend to get into an arguement. May it be petty things or about me. Usually, it's about me. Normally, I would just remain quiet until we get home and console him with a hug and a kiss. Sometime with a box of KFC. Well that's what I do to quench the fire.

Everything started Sunday. I was required to report for work on a weekend. I would normally decline the meeting but since this will boost our financial front, I reluctantly agreed. My Bebhe decided to met with his mom a the same time instead of being bored in the apartment alone. I was supposed to be back home around noon but by some twist of faith, I was not able to go home until 3pm. Between 12nn - 3pm, I continously send my Bebhe messages to know where he is or what he is doing as well as inform him of the situation. The reply I got was not exactly my kind of soup. After reading his last message, I felt a stabbing pain and emotions started to build in. I lost my focus almost ruined my report. I decided to confront my Bebhe about it when I get home which never happened because I was so tired that I dozed off right away when my back hit our bed. I was awaken by the doorbell around late afternoon. My Bebhe's home. Since I alraedy ran out of Sustagen and already got my well deserved rest, I forgot about the messages and just cuddle my Bebhe as we both retire for the day.

Monday. We woke up around 3am and cooked breakfast. Everything was back to normal again. Time passed and it was around 10am when we decided to go to Megamall for our usual weekend stroll. Everything was going smoothly when it happened. And like a switch, it brought back what happened Sunday. When my Bebhe continued the arguement, I was not able to control myself anymore that I raised my voice and asked him why does he need to do it in public. I guess it suprised him that I even spoke more than me arguing in public. He started to apologize. I was not angry or anything. I just want to make a point. And I guess I did.

Come midnight, we were cuddling each other while lying side by side naked in our love room talking about a lot of things. I even mentioned being called "Under" by a couple of nice guys out there. We just laughed it off. I'm not offended of being called names or even admitting that I am "Under" because I am. But I can't stop smilling knowing who the man of the house really is.

"Anger does not mean absence of Love" - Anon

PDA

2007-08-31T01:21:00.000+08:00

While having our lunch at Yellow Cab earlier, two guys walk in and took the table besides us. As usual, we chatted non-chalantly while ignoring the people around us until our order arrived. We will be having a 10" pizza and spaghetti meatballs. I don't know if there is any occasion to be celebrated. I hope there is none because this will only means that I'm really bad with dates and my memory really sucks! Anyway, back to my story. So as we eat our lunch silently, I couldn't help but notice the guys that was on the other table. Just like what my radar sensed, they're a couple. Not that it matters to me that the tall guy is a cuttie with nice body and the guy his with we can ignore. No, it's not about that. It's about what they were doing. Although I can barely hear what they were saying to each other, their movements suggests what they feel towards each other. I looked at my Bebhe. It seems that he's not paying attention to anyone as usual. I continued to gaze at what is happening on the other table. They are now both giggling about a joke someone told the other and I saw the hand of the more effem guy flew on top of his boyfriend's crotch. He initially tried to avoid it but later on, he allowed his lover's hand to linger there. I smiled and looked at my Bebhe and thought of all those times that I did the same thing to him under the covers of tablecloths at Pizzahut but didn't say anything. I just sat there and enjoyed the the look in my Bebhe's face as he eat. I love watching him eat.

After our lunch, we walked back to our office. Inspired by what I saw, I put my arms acrossed his shoulders. I met no resistance. I cuddled him closer. I think he noticed something weird on the way I was acting. I just smiled at him and said "I love you" loud enough for a couple of ladies at our back to hear us. My Bebhe doesn't seem to mind but he tugged me towards Ministop so he can buy his smoke. I stood and wait outside. I looked at the almost deserted streets of Libis and wondered how many people will be willing to do such an act. Letting the world know what he/she is feeling towards a certain person. It definitely need some courage and craziness!

In the world that we are currently living in, a society that has not changed since the 1960's, it is very difficult to show your emotions towards your love one. Specifically if you're a gentxt and you intend to keep it that way. But taking a hint from those two masculine guys in Yellow Cab, society should never stop you from doing what will make you happy. Because in the end, it is not what they will say that counts but what your heart does.

Love Song#5

2007-08-31T00:15:00.000+08:00

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
While youre far away dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Lying close to you feeling your heart beating
And Im wondering what youre dreaming
Wondering if its me youre seeing
Then I kiss your eyes
And thank God were together
I just want to stay with you in this moment forever
Forever and ever

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

I dont want to miss one smile
I dont want to miss one kiss
I just want to be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just want to hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And just stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
Cause Id miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing
Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
Id still miss you baby
And I dont want to miss a thing

Dont want to close my eyes
I dont want to fall asleep
I dont want to miss a thing

A Call and A Song

2007-08-28T20:51:00.000+08:00

It's Monday and of course, the work seems to be coming from everywhere! I started working at 9pm but I just can't seem to complete my deliverables for the day. At around Midnight, I paused for a while. I checked my calendar and smiled. Time does fly.

As my mind drifted and reminisce the days and months that have passed. Definitely, there are things that I could have done better and there are a lot that I should have done at all. But then again, those kind of things are the spice of life. Keeps it from being boring. I'm not saying this to justify what already transpired. It's just a statement of fact. And I do look forward with hope.

And as my mind continued to float through time, I remembered the "Mcdo" incident as well as the "Transformers". Not that the people involved caused problems in our relationships. That is just to shallow. But it was my actions and decisions before those events that affected and mared my relationship with my Bebhe. But of course, these things are now history but definitely be a part of our lives. It is where we will get out lessons and experience.

Remembering all of these made me realize how much I love my Bebhe. How much I cherish every moment, every second that I am with him. How much I look forward to every end of the day when I get to go home with my Bebhe to our love nest. How much joy I feel everytime I open my eyes and see my Bebhe sleeping beside me.

My reminiscing was interupted a little before 1AM. Another sustagen moment! I haven't talked to my Bebhe yet! I picked up the phone and dial the number. As it rang, I thought of how much I love my Bebhe. When he answered the phone, I couldn't stop myself from singing...

I just call, to say, I love you
I just call, to say how much I care
I just call, to say, I love you
And I mean from the bottom of my heart

"Happy 10th monthsary my Bebhe" - TL

Patalastas - Negosyete

2007-08-28T01:26:00.000+08:00

Kahapon, wala kaming ginawang magsing-irog kung hindi ang magisip at magpalitan ng kuro-kuro kung ano ang pinaka mabuting pagkakakitaan na maari naming itayo upang kami ay magkaroon ng dagdag na pananalapi.

Kung kayo ay mayroong maiaambag na munting kaalaman tungkol sa bagay na ito, tatanawin kong malaking utang na loob ito sa inyo. Maaari po laman ng magiwan ng inyong nalalaman sa espasyo na nakalaan para sa mga puna.

Muli po ako at ang aking minamahal ay nagpapasalamat sa inyong tulong.

Love Notes #2

2007-08-28T01:08:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

I just want to thank you for yesterday. Ang sarap ng gising ko kanina kasi katabi kita. Tapos ang sarap sarap ng breakfast natin kasi ang sarap mo magluto. Mwah!!! Love you so much!

Alam mo kahit Monday ngayon at umuulan, hindi ako nalulungkot. Hindi kagaya ng mga nagdaang Monday na inis na inis ako kasi work nanaman. Pero hindi today! Iba ang gising ko. Feeling ko kahit anong mangyari, hindi kayang alisin ang tuwang nadarama ko. At alam ko hindi lang to yung sinasabi nila na "getting up in the right side of the bed" kasi dun parin ako sa same side ng bed tumayo eh hehehe ang corny ng joke ko :p

Ang bilis ng panahon. "Ber" months nanaman next week. Parang last month lang nag Pasko ngayon malapit nanaman ang December. I'm so looking forward to having a Christmas dinner with you my Bebhe. you're the best Christmas gift I will ever get! Kaya kahit walang dumating na birthday or Christmas gift this December, I don't care. Kasi nga para sa akin, I'm complete! Parang si Sam Milby! Ok corny ulit. Pero promise ko sa end ng letter ng na to ngingiti ka.

About last Saturday nga pala, THANK YOU! Kasi po super understanding ka. Kahit na dapat aalis tayo, pinabayaan mo akong ma-enjoy ang company ng friends ko. Kaya kita mahal na mahal eh. Alam ko ok lang sayo pero I still want to say my sorry kasi inabot ako ng dis-oras ng gabi. Sorry po talaga. Medyo napasarap ang kwentuhan.

Medyo mahaba na pala itong naisulat ko. Sige balik muna ako sa work. Excited na ako mamayang uwian kasi makikita at mayayakap kita ulit.

Love you!

TL

Ooopppsss baka akala mo nakalimutan ko na noh? Happy monthsary MyBebhe! 10 months! My love for you grows deeper every passing day. Sabi nga sa kanta, "I love you more than yesterday! But not as much as tomorrow..." I'm looking forward to spending the rest of my life with you. Love you!!!

Love Notes #1

2007-08-25T05:32:00.000+08:00

Bhe,

Wala lang. Gusto ko lang sabihin na mahal na mahal kita! Mwaahh!!!

Oo nga pala, sorry about the other day. I know you understand naman po pero sorry pa rin. Naasar lang talaga ako doon sa babae na ang height ay parang nanay ni Mahal at Mura. Pagod at puyat na nga ako tapos aagawan pa ako ng chair! The nerve nung babae! Sumingit na nga lang sila sa pila mangaagaw pa ng silya. Tapos sya pa yung galit! Kung hindi kita kasama baka nasagot-sagot ko yung panget na yun!

May practice nanaman pala kayo today. Gusto ko sana magstay na lang dito sa office para hintayin ka kaso hindi mo rin alam kung saan kayo magpa-pratice. Kasi kung ako tatanungin mo, kung malayo dito sa office yung practice nyo, eh mauuna na ako umuwi tapos diretso ka na rin uwi. Mapapagod ka lang kung babalik ka pa ng office. Pero kung malapit lang naman, eh di intayin na lang kita dito. Ano sa tingin mo? Pwede din naman na sumama na lang ako sa practice mo. Mapapanuod na kita, sabay pa tayong uuwi! Ano payag ka?

Wala nga pala tayong pasok sa susunod na Monday. Hehehe ayos long weekend! Ano balak mo? Ako either magmall hopping tayo or pwede din tayong magswimming! Uhm pero ang alam ko di ba gusto mo mag enchanted kingdom? Tara EK tayo!!! Hehehe sana kaya ng budget natin ;)

Muntik ko na makalimutan, post ko pala to sa blog ko ha! Ok payag ka! Yeheey! Mwah! Mwah! Mwah! Love you!

TL

Love Song # 4

2007-08-24T02:48:00.000+08:00

It's hard for me to say the things

I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart
I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

When I couldn't fly
Oh, you gave me wings
You parted my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me

Keeping the Faith

2007-08-22T01:58:00.000+08:00

What happened last week really bumped me in the head. Literally and figuratively. As many of you have read, I have answered a Meme from one of my dearest friend here in Blogosphere. Unfortunately, one of my answers was not very welcome at home. Yup! The story of the stupid sinking ship! Just like every good son, I chose my mother instead of my Bebhe. Why? Because I’m a person who answers questions truthfully. May it be hypothetical or not. All for the sake of Science! But as I said, the welcoming committee was not fond of my answers. Here’s what happened:

After I answered the meme and pestered my Bebhe into reading my blog (which of course he does everyday without my knowledge, hence the pestering) he finally read it. On our way home, it eluded me why my Bebhe was so silent during the cab ride. I guess I was so busy thinking about so many things. When we were walking the streets going to Gateway we talked about our ever looming problem about budgeting. And that’s when the headache started (forgive me for not mentioning what he said because it’s still giving me a headache). After hearing it, I started to recluse myself from talking to him for the rest of that day. My Bebhe, who was still mad about my answer, was just oblivious about my reaction. I, of course didn’t push the topic further knowing that it was my fault. Nonetheless, I kept my silence until we went home. He went straight to our bedroom and slammed the door. Instead of wooing him, I settled in one of the chairs and rested my head in the table. I was so tired and sleepy from work that I didn’t bother making amends. For the first time in 9 months, we didn’t sleep in the same bed. When I woke up, I have a nasty stiff neck; I was a bit mad with my Bebhe for not waking me up. I charged into the room to talk to him. But when I saw him awake, I backed out and returned to my chair. When I was about to rest my head again against the table, my Bebhe opened the doors and told me in a matter of fact tone that since I’m doing nothing, why don’t I just go and pay our bill. I just stared back and nodded. When I did, I hit the table in front of me giving me a bump and a headache. My Bebhe didn’t notice it so I just stood up holding my head and went to the bathroom to take a quick shower. When I stood outside our place, it was drizzling. “Great!” I muttered. I hailed a jeepney and went to Cubao where I was planning to take the MRT to Ortigas. Before I reached Cubao, it started to rain like hell. I didn’t have an umbrella with me so when I alight in Cubao, it was impossible to go to the MRT station without being drenched. I decided to go to Shopwise first and buy a flimsy umbrella for P50. As I was walking along Emerald Ave, I decided to message my Bebhe. “It’s raining really hard. Are you OK? Be safe.” I was doing so in the pretense of reverse psychology. Fortunately, he replied. It was not actually what I was hoping to get but it was enough.

When I arrived home, the silence still lingers. And since he’s in the living room, I went straight to the bathroom to clean myself. When I came out, he’s still in the living room. So I decided to stretch in the bed for a while. I was tired so I dozed off. I was awaken by the sound of the door. I didn’t move though my ego is telling me to get out of the room. I pretended to be sleeping. He covered me with a blanket and kissed me in the ear. I appreciated the effort and went back to sleep. Around 7PM, he woke me to say he’s off to work. I just nodded but when I saw him leaving the room, I hastily shouted for him. He didn’t look back. So when he arrived home the following morning, silence was still there. When he asked me to buy food for him, I just took my wallet and went out. He tried to call my attention but I was mad about last night that I didn’t look back. While we were eating, I tried to start a conversation. It failed. When he went to bed, I remained in my chair and rest my head in the table yet again for another day. When I woke up, I’m covered in blanket. I smiled and went back to sleep. Alas, the silence is over.

“Love shatters even the thickest wall” - Anon

Keeping it Real

2007-08-22T01:34:00.001+08:00

It’s been quite sometime since I last wrote about me and my Bebhe. And it seems that I am no longer taking the path I once envision for this blog. So today, it’s time to keep it real.

I woke up today from a dream. Yup! After a couple of month, maybe even years, I dreamed again. It was a Christmas gathering and I was with my family. Unfortunately my Bebhe is not there. As to why, I’m still trying to figure it out. When I opened my eyes, my mind raced through different thoughts. One of it is this blog and what happened to it. Then when I turned to my side, I saw my Bebhe sleeping soundly. I felt a profound awe and after more than 9 months of being together, I felt it again. Incomparable joy! I am the luckiest man in the world! I have the person whom I love and loved me back. A person I will cherish for the rest of my life. So after a couple of seconds of realization, I hugged my Bebhe tightly and whispered in his ears “I love you”. He stirred but didn’t wake up. So I let my mind to work once more about how lucky I am to have my Bebhe. I cherished the moments we had and will have together. Just thinking about it brings tears to my eyes even now as I write this post. I will be a lower than a moron if I let my Bebhe go!

After a couple of minutes, I stood up and went to the toilet to relieve myself. Even as I do so, my mind still lingers about my Bebhe. Then it hit me. I have been planning for weeks about resurrecting my old self. The one people once followed and read. The one people once embraced as their one. Yes I’m talking about Dark Knight or DK as he is more popularly known nowadays. I was standing there, reveling about all the love in the world and still, I wanted something else. That’s when I realized that I have fallen for the very thing that I wanted to be never associated with. PRIDE.

I wanted adulation. I wanted readers. I wanted fans. I mean who doesn’t? Once you experienced it, the body will look for it. It’s just like drugs, only more dangerous. I came back to bed with this thoughts in mind. Wondering what happened. Then just as my question springs more questions, My Bebhe moved and hugged me. That’s when I knew it. I’ve been so engrossed in adding feathers to my cap and thinking that there are still mountains to be conquered out there that I tend to forget that I’m already attached. I was just thinking like a true bachelor. Just like Dark Knight.

With these realizations in mind, I will no longer be known as DK or Dark Knight. I am now TL. The Lover of my Bebhe.

“Waking up beside your love one, I can’t think of anything more grand” - Anon

Patalastas - Surf

2007-08-17T06:14:00.001+08:00

Noong isang lingo, ako ay nabigyan ng pagkakataong makapanayam ang isa sa mga pinakasikat na tao sa ating mundong ginagalawan. Sa aming talastasan, napagusapan namin ang napakaraming mga bagay. Sa walang humpay ng daloy ng aming usapan, hindi namin namalayan na pasado alas dose na pala ng hating gabi. Nang magpaalam na ang aking kinakapanayam, ako ay humingi ng pahintulot na tanungin siya ng ilang katanungan pa. Ako naman'y kanyang pinaunlakan matapos kong magmakaawa.

Narito ang ilang bahagi ng aking panayam sa kanya...

Ako: Unang tanong. Sinong sikat na tao ang nakaniig mo na?
Siya: Isang direktor.
Ako: Kailangan mo magbigay ng pahimaton kung sino siya
Siya: Hinde pwede eh.
Ako: Ayos lang
Ako: Pangalawang tanong. Natikman mo na ba ang sarili mong katas?
Siya: Nilagay ko lang sa dulo ng dila ko pero hindi ko nalasahan
Ako: Kadiri!
Siya: Kadiri ka dyan
Ako: Pangatlong tanong. Ano ang pinakapapantasya mong pagniniig
Siya: Sa ngayon wala kasi parang nagawa ko na sa lahat
Ako: Hindi saan, sino.
Siya: Si Christian Vasquez at Matthew Mcconaughey
Ako: Hindi ko sila gusto
Siya: Maganda katawan nila eh. Bakit may angal?
Ako: Wala.
Ako: Pangapat na tanong. Papayag ka ba kapag niyaya kang makipagniig ng may kasamang iba?
Siya: Parang hindi nyo naman ako kilala. Hindi ako maarte.
Siya: Kung ayaw nya, maraming nakaabang dyan harharhar
Ako: Ikaw ang niyayaya
Siya: Oo basta mas maganda katawan nila sa akin. Tapos iiwan ko na siya.
Ako: Kahit ung irog mo pa?
Siya: Oo. Hindi ung ginawa namin ang masama, ung kapalit.
Ako: Ganun. Ikalimang tanong. Kung maypapalitan ka sa katawan mo, ano ito?
Siya: Hindi pwede ang taas ko kasi puputlin ang paa ko para tumaas ako. Masakit yon.
Ako: Ikaanim na tanong. Ano ang pinaka nakakatawa mong naranasan habang nakikipagniig?
Siya: Bakit ba puro tungkol sa kalaswaan ang tanong mo? Wala akong alam dyan hehehe
Siya: Hindi ko pa nararanasan na tumawa ang kaniig ko. Ako minsan dahil nakikiliti ako.
Ako: Sige wag na lang yan ang tanong
Ako: Kung sabihin sayo ng kaniig mo na lunukin mo ang katas nya? Papayag ka?
Siya: Hindi. Hindi nya ako mapipilit

Ako: Ayos. Sa ito na ang panghuling katanungan ko.
Ako: Papayag ka bang makipagniig sa akin? Bakit? Bakit hindi?

Nung tinanong ko yan, matagal bago siya nakasagot. Kung saan saan nakarating ang usapan. Pakiramdam ko'y pilit niya itong inilalayo ang aking isip sa aking tanong. Ngunit dahil ito ay para sa Agham, hindi ako papayag na hindi ito masagot. Kaya't sa bandang huli...

Ako: Hahaha bakit hindi ka makasagot?
Ako: Kung natatakot na ako ay masasaktan kapag sinabi mong hindi, o baka naman umasa ako kapag sumagot ka ng oo, wag kang maalala. Ito ay para sa ikauunlad ng Agham. Yun lang at wala ng iba.
Siya: Ano ulit ang tanong

Sa puntong ito, pilit niya pinapatagal ang usapan upang makapagisip ng ligtas na sagot. Sagot na hindi makakasakit sa tanong kanyang kausap.

Siya: Sa mundong ito, walang imposible. Posible na ako'y makipagniig sayo. Ngunit kailangan kong isipin ang iba pang posibilidad.
Ako: Ang gandang sagot! Wais na wais!
Siya: Sa susunod ikaw naman ang tatanungin ko. Humanda ka.
Ako: Kahit anong oras handa ako.

Kaizen and Jay Ar

2007-08-17T04:38:00.000+08:00

Nagpaalam na ang aking kapatid na mauuna na gawa ng siya'y may mga gawaing pang nabinbin dahil sa kagustuhan at pamimilit kong makita siya. Nagpasya ako ng ihatid siya kahit hangang sakayan lang upang makapagpasalamat.

Pagbalik ko sa aming upuan, nakita kong nagpapaplitan ng kuro-kuro ang aking mga natitirang kapatid. Muli akong naupo at nakihalubilo sa kanilang masayang kwentuhan. Nagpatuloy ang ganitong tagpo hangang sumapit ang pasado ika-anim ng gabi. Nagpasya na kaming maglakad lakad upang samahan ang isa sa aking nakababatang kapatid na kunin ang kanyang pinatabing bibiling gamit sa isang tindahan. Nagpatuloy ang kulitan at pagdadaupang palad hangang sa masapit namin ang kabilang ibayo ng aming kinaruroan. Dito kami nagpasiya na maghanap ng makakainan at pasunudin na lamang ang isa pa naming kapatid na parating. Nagkaroon ng kaunting pagtatalo kung bakit wala pa siya, hangang sa wakas, nakatangap kami ng mensahe na nanduon na siya sa aming nakatakdang kitaang lugar at kasama niya ang kanyang asawa. Ang aking pagod ay napalitan ng ligaya. Sa wakas! Makikita ko na ang aking kapatid na matagal ko ng hinahanap hanap! Kahit nasa kabilang dako kami ng lugar na yaon, naglakad kami pabalik sa nakatakadang tagpuan. At ng masilayan ko ang aking kapatid at ang kaniyang kabiyak, nais kong mapaluha. Ang paghihintay na aking ginawa, ang pagod at puyat, ay lahat nabalewala. Ang aking kapatid, sa wakas, nakakausap at mahahawakan ko na. Pagpasok ko sa kanilang kinauupuang lugar, mainit kong sinalubong ang kanilang mga ngiti. Agag akong sumalampak sa upuang katabi ng aking kapatid. Kay tagal ko rin itong inasam...

Nagpatuloy ang aming daldalan ng ilang minuto lamang. Napawi man ang pagod,, ang gutom ay hindi. Nagpasya kaming kumain kung saan malapit sa lugar kung saan may kakatagpuin ang asawa ng aking kapatid. Pagdating namin sa napagkasunduang kainan, kami'y hindi tinangap. Pati sa pangalawa'y ganito din ang tagpo. Sa bandang huli, ako na ang nagdesisyon kung saan kakain. Pag dating sa kainan,kami ang pinaka maingay sa lugar na yaon. At dahil kami'y magaganda, nagpumilit kaming malipat sa lugar kung asan mas komportable ag aming pagupo.

Ang oras ay nalimot, ang pagod at gutom ay napawi, daldalan at palitan ng umaatikabong kuro-kuro ang naganap. Isang bagay na hinding hindi ko malilimutan sa aking buhay na ito. Napakasaya ng gabing iyon. Sa unang pagkakataon simula ng ginawa ko ang tahanan na ito, nakita ko kung gaano kakulay ang buhay.

Bilang pangwakas, nais ko ng ilagay sa inyong kukote kung ano ang masasabi ko sa aking kapatid at kanyang asawa na sa unang pagkakatao'y nakita ko na..

Ang aking kapatid ay isang totoong tao, marunong makisama, at higit sa lahat, mabuting tao. Mga bagay na bihirang bihira mo na makikita ngayon sa mundong mapagimbot. Isa siyang diyamante. At napakaswerte kong nilalang upang siya ay maging bahagi ng aking buhay.

Sa kabilang banda, ang kanyang asawa. Ngayon ko laman ito nakausap ngunit nakikita at nararamdaman ko na isa siyang mabuting tao at tapat sa aking kapatid. Alam kong magiging maligaya ang aking kapatid sa kanya. Siyanga pala, siya ang "wafu" na sinasabi ko. Marahil naman siguro alam na ninyo ang kahulugan noon.

"Kalidad hindi dami"

Kiddo the Light Bearer

2007-08-16T07:40:00.000+08:00

Nais kong magbigay pugay sa isang taong nagkaroon na ng parte sa aking puso at pagkatao. Ang aking nakakabatang kapatid na ito ay walang kahalintulad para sa akin at ang kanyang pagyao ay magiiwan ng malaking pitak sa aking puso na hindi mapupunan nino man.

Hindi man kami nagkakilala ng masinsinan o nagkadaupang palad man lang, hindi ito naging hadlang upang ibigay niya ang kayang respeto at pagalang sa akin bilang isang tao. Hindi ito madaling makuha lalo na ng isang taong kagaya ko. Madumi, hampas lupa, at nakakadiri. Dito ko nasubok ang kanyang tunay na pagkatao. Kahit nabasa na niya ang aking mga napagdaan at nakaraan, ako'y kanya paring itinuring na kapamilya. Isang patunay na ang aking kapatid na kahit wala pa sa sapat na gulang ay mayroong pag-iisip ng isang taong higit doble pa ng kanyang edad.

Ang aking kapatid na ito ay nauna pang gumawa sa akin ng kanyang sarili nyang tahanan gaya nito. Ngunit sa halip na ipamukha niya ito sa akin, siya pa ang nagpakumbabang ako'y kaibiganin at palagiang bisitahin at basahin ang aking walang kwentang mga isinulat. Patunay lamang na ang aking kapatid ay isang tunay na kaibigan.

Una ko siyang nakilala sa ilalim ng ibang pangalan. Ng dahil na rin sa lakas ng hatak ng tahanan ng aking kamahalan, at ang kanyang palagiang pagbisita sa aking tahanan, pinalitan nya ang kanyang pangalan at ngayo'y mas kilala na sa ganoong alyas. Kiddo.

Ano man ang mangyari, hinding hindi ko iwawaksi sa aking isipan bagkus ito'y aking ipagmamalaki at ipagsisigawan na minsan, sa mundong ito, nakilala ko ang aking nakababatang kapatid. Kiddo, the light bearer.

Tagged by Turismoboi

2007-08-14T03:49:00.000+08:00

Beware!

Some of the questions are nasty, offensive and DIRRTY! hehehe!

actually the idea is galing kay dj mo twister medyo nirevise ko lang ng konti hehehehe!

so ganito un, sasagutin ko muna to tapos itatag ko kayong lhat, now dpat pag sinagot nyo, dapat with all honesty and walang joke joke at wlang pakeme keme kesyo ganito ganyan! dpat honest tlga! walang KJ! heheehehe!

now if u dont like the questions or just some of the questions then wala ako magagawa, just stop reading hehehehe!

u have a choice whether u want to answer this one or not ok? hehehehehehe

Rules:

1. Copy paste the questions only not the answers
2. Put my name "turismoboi" hehehe for the credits.
3. Answer all questions with honesty and credibility.

---

1. Who is the male celebrity you had sex with? (if yes, give EASY clues if you dont want to drop names, if none, then Who is the celebrity you would want to have sex with? hehehe)

Wala pa eh. Pero kung bibigyan ng pagkakataon, si Christian Bautista na lang (incest ito!)

2. Have you ever tasted your own cum? Why? (if not, will you ever consider doing it?)

'Course I did! Bata pa ako nun and I never did it again. Why? Got curious siguro. Hindi ko na remember kung bakit eh.

3. What, Who and Where is your greatest sexual fantasy? Why?

Sa mga nakabasa ng blog ko dati, alam na ninyong wala na dapat ako ipantasya. Pero sa totoo lang, gusto ko talaga tikman si pinsan (See answer to number 1)

4.Who is the blogger that you have fantasized naked? Why?

Dati, I fantasized about my Master pero ngayon hindi na. Why? Basahin ang blog nya ng malaman! Kung bakit hindi na ngayon, akin na lang yon.

5. If God created you as a woman? What is your name and Why?

Jane. Why? I never dreamed of being a woman. Masaya ako kung ano at sino ako.

6. Who would you choose to save in a sinking boat, your mother or your partner that you love, Why?

Kailangan pa bang imemorize yan? Nanay ko op cors!

7. What would you do if your partner tells you that he wants to experience threesome with you and his exboyfriend and if you dont agree he will leave you? (think like you don't have any other choice and consider that you're suicidal if he leaves you)

Gagawin ko pero afterwards iiwan ko na xa. Why? Hindi dahil sa pinagawa nya kung hindi dahil sa condition nya (Parang narinig ko na to from someone...)

8. Partner asks you to swallow his cum, will you do it?

Yes!

9. If your still not "OUT", Narrate us how will you tell it to your parents? (if you're out, tell us in details how you did it)

"Ma, boyfriend ko." Simple pero rock!

10.Have you ever fantasize having sex with your father's friend? How about your father?

This is gross!!! I will never ever ever think this way! Yucckkk!!!

11. You are in climax when one of the members of your family saw you jacking off while watching gay porno, What will be your best excuse?

I got caught while jacking off but not watching anything. Napatigil ako at nakipagtitigan sa nanay ko. Then ung nanay ko nag sorry at lumabas ng kuarto. Ano ginawa ko? Tinuloy ko. Malapit na eh. Ayaw ko sumakit puson ko.

12. Partner cheated you, What will be your best break up line?

Question is makikipagbreak ba ako? Malamang hindi ako makikipaghiwalay. As long as sincere naman xa sa apology, bakit ako makikipaghiwalay? Mahal ko ata Bebhe ko!

13. Job interview for your dream ideal job, the old fat effeminate grouch gay owner of the company will hire you ONLY IF you have sex with him. Will you do it? (Consider your jobless and this is the last job in the wholewide world)

Yes!

14. It was noon, you got mugged, They left you naked, no money, no clothes to steal nearby, nothing to cover up, you have to walk 5 blocks to get to your house, incidentally theres no other way but to pass ur favorite enemy's house, who is currently smoking outside his door, What would you do?

Strutt my way home! so what if I'm naked? Wala naman dapat ikahiya sa katawan ko

15. What is your funniest sexual experience?

My first time to have sex. I don't know where and how to insert my dick. My gf ended up riding me instead hehehe

16. You are a Harry Potter character? What is your name and What will be your significance to Harry's mission?

Dobby the house elf. I will be the one who saves Potty's life!

17. Judgement day! God asks you what is the one good deed you have done to be able to save your ass and go to heaven? Did it help mankind?

Nothing. I have done nothing to deserve heaven.

18. Will you fight for your partner over your parents? Why?

Depende kung sino tama (Parang nabasa ko na to ah...)

19. If given a chance for a free makeover surgery, What is the only part of your body that you would like to change? Why?

I'm happy with what I have. My flaws make me ME. I don't want to change anything.

20. In your next life, you will be reincarnated as _ _ _?

ME!

21. Would you consider having sex with Turismoboi? With Yourself? Why?

Everything is possible. But of course, I need to consider all and otehr possibilities.

Public Apology

2007-08-10T21:30:00.000+08:00

I would like to take this spot to publicly apologize to my brother Khentutz. Baby K sorry for not including your link on my "Blog Family". It was not intenional. Believe it or not, I had this notion that you are on my list. I really need to start drinking more Sustagen. My memory is getting duller everday.

Please forgive me.

Friends?

It Begins Today

2007-08-10T03:18:00.000+08:00

Today, I decided to no longer regale you guys with the tale of how the two of us met and what happened in the past. Of course you must forgive me if I will be mentioning an event or two that happened before. Its just me.

My decision came after reading Jessica Zafra's "Womanagerie". I tell you guys, it's a quite a book! But enough of that. I will not be able to do justice to her book this way. I will make an entire post dedicated to her soon. For now, something in the present about me and my Bebhe...

We're currently encoutering some domestic issues (i.e. money). Not that it's something that will come between our relationship. We already agreed before we began our relationship that we will never fight about it. It's just paper. I can earn it as well as he does. There's no point in arguing about it. Our problem is about budgeting. We can't seem to have any savings from our monthly incomes. For some unknown reasons, we always run out of cash before the next pay day comes. And in our company, if that happens, you're in for a long wait! We get our paychecks only once a month. Luckily, we're able to survive. But surviving alone is not enough for both of us. We want something more. We want to have something stashed for emergency purposes. Or maybe to buy a furniture or two. But that oh seem simple goal tends to elude us for now. But I am confident that we will be able to get pass this obstacle soon.

I am also proud to say that our relationship is maturing. My reason for saying this happened a month ago. There's this new guy in my Bebhe's department. For some reason that escapes my futile mind, he has a crush on this kid. Yes! A kid! Anyway, I was so proud of my Bebhe because he has enough courage to tell me what he feels toward this person. This means that he trust me enough to tell me something intimate. I of course told him that it's a not a big deal. I mean it's only a crush right? What kind of damage could it bring to our stabel relationship? Nothing! Nada! Kaput!

Lastly, My Bebhe is no longer jealous of me sending txt messages to my blog family. This is one of those reasons why I love my Bebhe so much! He's so understanding! I love him! And not only does he understands me, he loves me and trust me so much. this is something big considering the "Mcdo" and "Transformer" incident a while back. for those who is not familiar with those incidents, I will repost them soon. (Lucky for you guys my Bebhe saved a copy in his TP)

"Trust, above all, is needed for relationship to mature" - Anon

Love Song #3

2007-08-10T03:08:00.000+08:00

Halika na
Pumikit...limutin ang problema
Hihintayin ang umaga

Magpahinga
Managinip ng kaliligaya
Darating din ang umaga

(refrain)
Basta't tayo'y magkasama
Laging mayroong umagang kay ganda
Parang sikat ng araw
May dalang liwanag
Sa ating pangarap
Haharapin natin

Haharapin natin
Ang sikat ng araw na may dalang liwanag

Gumising na
Araw ng pag-asa'y narito na
Dumating din...
Harapin natin

CJ and Cox

2007-08-10T02:22:00.000+08:00

Habang patuloy ang pagpapalitan namin ng kuro-kuro ng aking kapatid, biglang may dumaan na umagaw sa aking pansin. At dahil malabo na ang aking paningin, kinailangan kong lapitan ang lalaking ito upang masiguro na siya na nga aking isa pang kadaupang palad sa araw na yaon. Hindi naman ako nagkamali. Siya nga ang aking nakababatang kapatid.

Niyakag ko siya papunta sa kinauupuan namin ng aking kapatid. Pinakilala ko sila sa isa't isa dahil bagama't kami'y magkakapatid sa pananampalataya sa iglesiya ni Batman, ngayon pa lamang sila magkikita. Matapos ang mabilisang pagpapakilala, umupo na ang aking nakababatang kapatid. Nagsimula muli ang aming salaysayan. Ninais ko na sandaling manahimik upang pagbigyan ang aking mga kapatid na makapalagayan ng loob. Ang aking kapatid ay siyang siya sa kanyang pagsasalsay ng kanyang mga naranasan na tiyak ko naman na ikinatuwa ng aking nakababatang kapatid. Nakakatuwa silang pagmasdan. Pansin na pansin na sila ay sabik na makilala ang bawa't isa.

Ito ang ika-apat na pagkikita namin ng aking nakababatang kapatid. Marami na rin akong naisulat tungkol sa kanya sa aking mga lumang tirahan. Para sa mga ngayon lamang nagbabasa,, ang aking nakakabatang kapatid ay isang tsinoy. Kagaya ng maraming tsinoy, siya'y maputi at matangkad. At dahil kapatid ko siya, siya ay isang kaaya-ayang tao. Mabait, mapagkumbaba, matikas, makisig, at higit sa lahat, totoong tao. Ako ay napakapalad na magkaroon ng kapatid na kagaya niya.

Nagpatuloy ang aming palitan ng kuro-kuro. Kung ako'y hindi nagkakamali, pati ang pagsusuot ng mga simbulo, kagaya ng simbulo ng Alemanya nung panahon ni Hitler, ay aming napagusapan. Kung ano anong mga ideya ang aming napagusapan. nakaktuwang isipin na sa sobrang pagka aliw namin sa aming salaysayan ay hindi namin namalayan ang oras. Napabalik lang kami sa kasalukuyang panahon ng may umagaw muli ng aking pansin. Ang aking ikatlong kikitain ng araw na iyon. Ang aking kapatid na saksi ni Kulafu!

Nilapitan ko siya upang batiin. Pero dahil siguro sa hinhin ng aking boses, hindi niya ako nadinig kaya siya ay naglakad palayo. Hinabol ko siya upang tapikin sa likod. Nang nakuha ko na ang kanayang pansin, itinuro ko kung nasaan kami at niyakag siya papunta sa aming kinauupuan.

Ang aking kapatid na ito ang isa sa dalawang taong malapit sa aking puso. Noong panahon na walang pumapansin sa aking mga lumang tahanan, silang dalawa ng aking isa pang kapatid ang walang humpay na dumalaw at nagpalakas ng aking loob. Ito ang aming ikatlong pagkikita kung tutuusin. Nailathala ko na rin sa aking lumang tahanan ang aking paglalarawan sa kanya pero para sa kapakanan ng mga hindi nakabasa, ang kapatid kong ito ay moreno, matikas, mabait, at may natural na gandang nararamdaman mo kahit sa malayo. Ganoon katindi ang kanyang anyo.

Nang siya ay nakaupo na at ang pagpapakilala ay natapos na, nagtuloy ang aming salaysayan at palitan ng kuro-kuro. Dumating pa ang punto kung saan kaming magkakapatid ay nagpalipas oras sa pamamagitan ng panlalait sa mga taong nagdaraan. Ang aking nakakabatang kapatid ay hindi sumabay sa aming ginagawa bagkus siya ay nanahimik na lamang. Ito ay hindi ko na ikinagitla dahil hindi naman talaga niya gawain ang yaon.

Nagpatuloy pa ang aming salaysayan hangang sa nagsimulang magalburoto ang aming mga sikmura dahil sa gutom. Nagpasya kaming mag antay pa ng kaunti para sa isa pa naming kapatid. Sa puntong ito, nagpaalam na ang isa sa aking kapatid. Kinakailangan na niyang yumao dahil mayroong mga bagay siyang kailangang asikasuhin sa kanyang tahanan. Sayang nga lamang at hindi niya makikilala ang isa ko pang kapatid.

Mugen

2007-08-07T04:38:00.000+08:00

Nitong nagdaang sabado, binigyan ako ng pagkakataon na makita ang mga taong malapit sa aking buhay manunulat. Matagal tagal ko na ring ninais na makita ang aking mga kapatid sa pananampalataya sa iglesiya ni kulapu at saksi ni batman.

Paguwi ko ng Sabado ng umaga, ramdam na ramdam ko ang matinding pananabik na makapiling ang aking mga kapatid. Ninais ko na wag na umidlip upang hindi mahuli sa oras ng aming kitaan. Ngunit ang kalabit ng aking minamahal ay hindi kayang tangihan (Madalang na nga tatangihan ko pa?) Sa aking kapaguran, napahimbing ang aking tulog. Nagulat na lang ako ng gisingin ako ng aking irog at sabihing ika-dalawa na ng hapon. Dagli akong tumayo sa aking higaan at nagtapi ng tuwalya upang lumabas at magpadala ng mensahe sa aking kapatid na ako'y pupunta. Hindi na ako nagintay ng saogt. Ako ay naligo't nagbihis, hinagkan ang aking mahal, at umalis ng aming bahay.

Dumating ako sa aming usapang lugar ng lapas sa pinagusapang oras. Nakakahiya sa aking kapatid. Unang pagtatagpo at pinagintay ko na siya kaagad. Ngunit ng tawagan ko siya ay wala na siya sa aming pinagusapang lugar. Ako'y kinabahan panandalian. Lumipat lang pala siya ng lugar. Dagli akong nagtungo sa lugar ng mga aklat. Papalapit pa lang ako, nagtagpo na ang aming mga mata. Alam ng bawa't isa na dumating na ang panahong aming inintay.

Mainit ang kanyang pagtangap sa akin kahit na ako'y medyo paimportante. Ako may hindi naitago ang aking galak na makita siya kaya hindi na nabantayan ang lakas ng aking boses. Pinagtinginan tuloy kami ng mga matrona at mga taong naliligaw ng landas.

Tumuloy kami sa lugar kung saan maari kaming makaupo at makasilay ng mga isda. Habang naglalakad, tuloy ang aming palitan ng kwentuhan. Walang katapusan. Ng masapit namin ang aming patutunguhan, sandali naming pinagpahinga ang aming mga paa ngunit ang aming mga dila'y tuloy ang pagkisay. Marami kaming napagusapan. Nagpalitan ng mga larawan ng minamahal. Pati ng mga kuro kuro tungkol sa iba pang mga kapatid sa pananampalataya ay napagusapan namin. Lalo na ang bagong samahang kanyang kinabibilangan. Dito ako humanga ng lubos sa aking kapatid. Bibihira ang taong kagaya nya. Totoo, mapagkakatiwalan, nakaapak ang paa sa lupa, at sa dami ng pinagdaan, tiyak na mapagkukunan ng mabubuting aral. Siyanga pala, kung siya ay ihahambing ko sa isang bagay, ang aking kapatid ay isang tipak ng bundok yelo na lumulutang sa karagatan.

Patuloy ang aming kwentuhan. Sa sobrang sarap niyang kausap ay nalimot ko na ang oras at panahon. Natigil lang panadalian ang aming usapan ng may dumaan...

Patalastas - Sharon Cuneta

2007-08-04T06:51:00.000+08:00

Nitong mga nakalipas na araw, ako ay nalulumbay dahil kung anong dami ng taong dumadaan sa aking dating tahanan ay siya namang dalang ng mga taong dumadalaw sa aking bagong tahanan. Dahil sa kalungkutang ito, ninais at aking pinagisipan ang paglikha ng panibagong tahanan kung saan ang aking ilalagay ang dahilan kung saan ako ay nakilala at nagkaroon ng munting espasyo sa lugar na ito.

Kinausap ko ang aking irog tungkol dito. Nais kong kanyang maunawaan ang aking nadarama at ang parte ng aking pagkatao na nagnanais ng pansin. Hindi ako binigyan ng isang kongkretong sagot ng aking kabiyak, bagkus, siya at nanataling nanahimik na nagdulot sa akin ng mas matinding kalungkutan. Dinaan ko na lang ang aking kalungkutan sa pagtulog.

Nang ako ay magmulat ng aking mga mata para pumasok muli sa aking hanap buhay, hindi mawaglit sa aking isipan ang pag gawa ng panibagong tahanan. Ang kinang ng itim na kabalyeroo ay sinisilaw ako ng mga panahong yon. Dahil sa ganitong pagiisip, hindi ako nakapaguslat ng ilang araw sa aking tahanan. Ang iba ay inakalang ako ay lugmok sa gawain. ang totoo'y wala ako tamang pagiisip. Para bang ako ay nauulol. Dumating ang lingo at kami ng nananghali ng narinig ko ang kanta na nagbukas sa aking isipan. Aanhin ko nga ba ang kasikatan, ang dami ng taong napapadpad sa aking tahanan, at ang kasikatan na hindi naman magtatagal! Hindi ko sila kailangan! Kahit na ilang laksang bituin hindi kayang pantayan ang aking ningning ngaun na ako ay balot sa hiwaga ng pagmamahal ng aking nagiisang minamahal!!!

Ngayon ako ay nakakatiyak higit kailan pa man na tama ang aking landas na tinatahak. ano ngayon kung sa tingnin ng aking mga kaibigan at ibang mambabasa na mas maganda ang aking dating tahanan o masyado ng nagiging romantiko o malanya ang aking tema??? Ang importante ngayon ay ang kinang na bigay ng aking pagmamahal! Pagmamahal sa aking nagiisang bituin!!!

Isang munting kaalaman tungkol sa aming dalawa ng asawa ko. Parehas naming iboboto si Sharon Cuneta kapag tumakbo siyang senador o kahit presidente ng Pilipinas.

Love Song #2

2007-08-04T06:44:00.000+08:00

Kung minsan ang pangarap
Habang buhay itong hinahanap
Bakit nga ba nakapagtataka
'Pag ito ay nakamtan mo na
Bakit may kulang pa

Mga bituin aking narating
Ngunit langit ko pa rin ang iyong piling
Kapag tayong dalawa'y naging isa
Kahit na isang laksang bituin
'Di kayang pantayan ating ningning

Refrain:

Balutin mo ako ng hiwaga ng iyong pagmamahal
Hayaang matakpan ang kinang na 'di magtatagal
Mabuti pa kaya'y maging bituing walang ningning
Kung kapalit nito'y walang paglaho mong pagtingin

Itago mo ako sa lilim ng iyong pagmamahal
Limutin ang mapaglarong kinang ng tagumpay
Sa piling mo ngayon ako'y bituing walang ningning
Nagkukubli sa liwanag ng ating pag-ibig

"Aanhin ko ang dami ng mambabasa ni Dark Knight kung ang kapalit naman nito ay ang kaligayahan ng bebhe ko." - Anon

The Phrase

2007-08-03T06:39:00.000+08:00

It was the day after my birthday. I didn't went to work nor did my Bebhe last night and spent it making love. Since we slept late the night before, we woke up past ten in the morning. Feeling refreshed, I got up and took a bath. While showering, I heard my Bebhe stir. What happened that night flashed back to my memory. I made my decision.

After my quick bath, it was my Bebhe's turn. As he showers, I went to the kitchen and looked for something to cook. I found some noddles and sauce. I will be cooking my specialty that day. Italian Spaghetti. I want this day and meal to be very memorable for me and my Bebhe. So as soon as my Bebhe went out of the showers, I grabbed him and kissed him passionately. He asked me half laughing "What's with you?" "Nothing" I replied smiling and went back to cooking. I felt his hands wrap around my waist as he kiss me in my nape. I turned and kissed him again. I pushed him softly and told him to prepare the table for lunch. He obliged.

After our little lunch, I got nothing but praise from my bebhe. Although I know he's bias, I was still giggling like a little girl. So to hide my already red face, I started to clean the table. My Bebhe stood up too and assisted me. After we have cleaned the dishes, we went back to bed and watched some TV. I know time is not the essence but I can't seem to get the courage I need to say what I want to say. I ended up just looking at him admiringly. He noticed it and gave me a kiss. I don't know why I was so scared of saying it when I am sure more than anything in the world about it. So time passed without progress while we continue to watch some TV programs. When I finally got the courage I need, I turned as saw my Bebhe already dozing off. I smiled and hugged my Bebhe and whispered to his ears how much I need him in my life. After that, I dozed off too.

I woke up when I felt something cold against my skin. I opened my eyes and saw my Bebhe kissing me. I kissed him back.

[Insert Bed Scene]

After that, we lay there for a while. Then a feeling so intense came over me. I just hugged my Bebhe real tight, kissed him passionately and said it.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Teary eyed, my Bebhe returned my kiss and whispered to me "I love you too".

"What's important is the journey, not the destination" - Anon

Patalastas - Sustagen

2007-07-31T03:32:00.001+08:00

Noong nagdaang Sabado, ika-dalawampu't walo ng Hulyo, ay ang araw ng aming paggunita sa ika siyam na buwan na pagsasama naming mag sing-irog. Datapuwat ito ay isang napakahalagang araw, sa hinde malamang kadahilanan, ito ay na waglit sa aking isipan.

Wala man ako pasok sa opisina nung araw na iyon, ako ay nagpunta pa rin. Wala sa aking hinagap na araw na pala ng aming pagdidiwang. Ni hindi ko man lamang nagawang batiin ang aking kabiyak. Pagkauwi ko ng Sabado ng umaga, ako ay dumiretso sa papag upang matulog. Pagkagising, ako ay nagulat at pinagluto ako ng aking irog. Kahit sa tagpong iyon, hindi sumagi sa aking isipan na ito pala ay dahil mahalaga ang araw na iyon. Nang matapos akong kumain, bumalik ako sa higaan upang tabihan ang aking minamahal na nuo'y nagpapahinga na. Siya ay nakatingin lamang sa akin. Wari'y naghihinitay na may mamutawi sa aking labi. Subalit hindi pa rin sapat ang pangitaan na ito para ako ay makaalala. Para ako ay magising.

Pagdating ng hapon, ako ay nagising upang maghandang pumasok na sa opisina. Ginising ko ang aking mahal upang magpaalam. Hinawakan nya ang aking kamay na parang ayaw bumitiw. Ako ay nagbiro "Kailangan ko ng umalis at baka ako ay mahuli". Unti-unting bumitiw sa pagkakahawak ang aking irog. Lumabas ako ng aming silid at naghandang umalis. Ngunit bago ako makalbas ng pinto, mayroong pilit bumubulong sa aking puso na bumalik at ipadama ang aking pagmamahal sa aking minamahal. Pumasok ako muli sa silid at hinagkan ang aking minamahal at sinabing "Mahal na mahal kita". Ng ako ay nas pintuan na ng aming silid, ako ay muling lumingon. Nakita ko ang aking irog na nakatunghad sa akin. Ngunit kahit sa sandaling yon ay hindi pumasok sa aking kukote kung bakit. Nang hindi ko maisip kung bakit, ako ay nagdesisyong humayo na.

Nang ako ay nasa opisina na, hindi ko pa rin ma waglit sa aking isipan na mayroon akong nalimutan. Kinuha ko ang aking telepono at nagpadala ng isang munting mensahe sa aking kabiyak. Hindi naman ako nabigo at nakakuha ako ng sagot galing sa kanya. Ako ay nagpadala ulit ng mensahe pero sa pagkakataong yon, hindi na ako nakakuha pa ng sagot. Ng pumatak sa labing limang minuto makalipas ang hating gabi, nakakuha ulit ako ng mensahe galing sa aking mahal.

"Mahal na mahal kita, un nga lang ulyanin ka!!!"

I Made My Bebhe Cry!!!

2007-07-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

It was 15 days to Christmas and 1 week to my birthday. Sticking true to my traditions, I have made arrangements for a day of seclusion come my birthday. To reflect on what happened this year and what will be my prospectives and goals for the coming year. I know people normally do it during new years, but I do mine on my birthday.

I spoke to my Bebhe about this. And being the understanding and loving person my Bebhe is, he gave his consent but with some reservations. I explained that this has been my tradition since I was 10. I never liked parties and celebrations mainly because back then, we can't afford it. My Bebhe kissed me affectionately and gave me a warm hug. I noticed that my Bebhe is beginning to be teary eyed to I kissed him back. We spent that night cuddling each other silently as we contemplate what the futurehas in store for us.

The day before my birthday, I spent the entire day with my Bebhe. Making sure that I will have plenty of memories before we part. We have laid out a plan the day before that but I decided against it afterwards. I just asked my Bebhe if it's fine with him that we just rent some DVDs and stay indoors for the day. I would love to have my Bebhe for myself that day. My Bebhe smiled and kissed me. We grab the keys and went to the nearest Video City to rent out some movies. When we arrived back at his place, we went straight to bed and rested for a while. When I heard that both our tummies are grumbling, I stood up and went to the kitchen. My action suprised my Bebhe. I forgot that before this day, I have never cooked for my Bebhe and we've been together for almost two months! When my Bebhe followed me to the kithcen, I pushed him back to the nearest chair and told him to just watch and let the handsome chef do the rest. Although my Bebhe trusts that I know what was doing, he just can't help but glance every now and again to see what I was doing. I just returned my Bebhe's gazes with a warm and reassuring smiles.

When I finished cooking, I saw my Bebhe already enjoying one of the film that we rented. I just prepared the food and brought it to him. It was the best pre-birthday celebration I ever had! We laughed and enjoyed each others company for the entire day. When we got tired, we rested. When we're hungry, we ate. It's just like leaving in our own little world.

When the time came for us to rest, we cuddled each other infront of the TV again and just savor the moment together. Right there and then, I made a decision. "I no longer need to be alone tommorow." I said. "I already made my contemplations and my plans". My Bebhe asked me "So care to tell me what you have decided on?" I replied "I know for a fact, that this year, year 2006, you are the best thing that happened to me..." My Bebhe turned away before I was able to finish my speech. I approached him and saw him crying. I hugged him and kissed him ever so gently. "I don't need any plans for next year. Because as long as you are with me, I know I can get through everything." And with that, the tears my Bebhe was trying to fight flowed freely.

"Utterance without feelings are nothing" - Anon

Love Song #1

2007-07-28T05:08:00.000+08:00

I look into your eyes, so far away
There's trouble in your mind
You're losing faith
Hey now, let me hold you
It'll be okay!
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Remember when you called
And said goodbye
We thought we'd lost it all
And so did I
Even if I lost you
I would feel the same
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Believe in me
I'm here to stay
I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Now we're stronger than before
We've made it throught
I never felt more sure
Because of you
Hey now! Are you listening?
Do you hear me say
"I will love you
Till they take my heart away"

A Message, A Code, and A word

2007-07-26T04:19:00.000+08:00

We’ve been seeing each other for more than a month now. But still, we both don’t want to confront the “status” of our relationship or whatever you want to call it. What we both know is that we’re enjoying the company of one another.

My visits to my Bebhe’s place became more frequent as well as the nights that I sleep over. Before, I will only go to my Bebhe’s place during the weekends. Now, I will go there after my Friday shift (Saturday morning) and will not leave until Monday night (before my Monday shift) just to return Wednesday morning, right after my Tuesday

My desire to see my Bebhe seems to be radiating because in every aspect of my life, may it be in my work or in my place, everybody seems to notice it. The only downside in seeing my Bebhe more was not being able to go back to my parents place every weekend. All of this was happening around me but I was not paying any real attention. My focus was only to spend as much time as I can with my Bebhe.

It was not early December. That means that I will be a year older soon. The exchange of sweet notes between us was at its peak. Even at work, since back then, we were in the same account but under different department and location, we utilized the company’s email and instant messaging to our heart’s content. I remembered one specific instance of our exchange in instant messaging. It was special for me because that was when my Bebhe gave me a pet name. My joy was overflowing! Here’s the exchange of words as I remember it…

Me: So what are you doing now?
Bebhe: Working.
Me: Owwss…
Bebhe: I am!
Me: I don’t believe you
Me: :p
Me: You still there?
(at least 5 minutes passed before My Bebhe replied again.)
Bebhe: I just did something
Me: I thought you were mad at me :(
Bebhe: I would never be.
Me: Ever?
Bebhe: Ever.
Me: I miss you
Bebhe: I miss you too.
Bebhe: You going to my dorm after shift?
Me: I don’t know yet.
Bebhe: ok…
Me: (Changing the topic) I bet I know what you are doing right now.
Bebhe: Oowwss… Ok guess.
Me: You’re talking to someone in the phone.
Bebhe: How did you know!
Me:Because I’m a ghost!
Bebhe: Don’t! You know I’m scared of ghost..
Me: Sorry but that’s how I knew it. I’m a ghost!
Bebhe: Whatever.
Me: You don’t believe me?
Bebhe: I do. You’re casper, the friendly ghost.
Me: Hahaha…

So that was how the conversation went. For many, this will be just another “usual” conversation between two lovers. But this time, I know, I know it’s something different. Something special. For me, it's magical.

"Simple yet extraordinary" - Anon

Batalaan #1

2007-07-25T23:35:00.000+08:00

Geez! Then I guess I am in love...

"Horrible it might be, to prod on to future unseen, remember to look at your side, for there I will surely be!" - Anon

PATALASTAS

2007-07-25T05:18:00.000+08:00

Ako ay muling lilihis panandalian sa tunay na pakay ng aking bagong tahanan upang isaad ang kaganapan sa aking buhay sa labas ng bahay.

Matagal tagal na din ng ako ay mamulat sa aking kapaligiran. Sa kadahilanang ito, napukaw ang aking damdamin upang sumuong sa isang pagaaral. Mag aapat na taon na din ang nakakaraan ng ito'y magsimula...

Kanina lamang, muli ko itong ibinukas sa isang taong may puang na sa aking puso at pagkatao. Nang natibag ang pader, ang usapang naganap ay isa sa matagal tagal ko nang hinde nadadama. Isang makabuluhang paguusap. Isang pagpapalitan ng kuro-kuro. At ang pagbubukas ng isipan upang matutunan ang mga bagay bagay na sa una'y animo'y hindi maaarok ng isipan. Sa ganitong mga talakayan ako sumasagana at mabubuhay. Salamat sa iyo, kapatid at kaibigan, sa buhay na iyong ibinigay sa akin. Ang dugo ko ay muling dumaloy upang ang aking natutuyong bumbunan ay magkaroon ulit ng laman.

Nais ko rin iparating sa mga napapadpad sa aking munting espasyo sa ere na kung kayo ay may suliranin sa pag-ibig, pamilya, paaralan, o kahit sa hinaharap, bukas ang aking tahanan. Ako ay iyong sulatan. Hindi ako nangangako ng tulong lalong lalo na ang tulong pinansiyal ngunit ang pagbubuhos ng saluobin ay isang paraan upang ang iyong bigat na dinadala ay gumaan.

Binubuksan ko rin ang aking tahanan sa mga taong may mga katanungan hingil sa may akda at may ari ng espasyo na ito. Iwan ninyo ang inyong mga katanungan bilang inyong komento at pipilitin kong tugunan sa lalong madaling panahon ang inyong mga katanungan.

Kung ikaw ay isang taong mahina ang loob katulad ng inyong abang lingkod, maari mong ipadala ang iyong katanungan, suliranin sa buhay, o tulong pinansyal sa aking liham-tangapan

aajones32@yahoo.com

Sleep Over

2007-07-22T04:32:00.000+08:00

After the second date, I began asking my Bebhe out more often. Unfortunately, since our work do stress us a bit, there will be weekends when my offers will be declined. During this time, I devised a clever idea to see my Bebhe. "Since we can't go out and you want to rest, let's just stay in your place!" When my Bebhe agreed, I was overjoyed! I will be able to know my Bebhe more intimately! (No pun intended)

Normally, my stay in Katips wil last for only hours. I will get there around 7pm on a saturday and will go home around 10pm, sometimes until midnight. I don't want to stay longer or even do a sleep over since I don't want to give the impression that I am taking advantage of my Bebhe's kindness. So even when my Bebhe offered me a change of clothing since the clothes I was wearing was soaked in sweat, I refused. I just took of my shirt, and allowed it to dry. My trips to my Bebhe's place became more regular than what I expected. Instead of going there only during weekends, I went to his place even during weekdays. My day will not be complete without seeing him.

I saturday, I arrived around 10pm. And since it has been my habbit to leave by midnight, our chat will be cut short. I just rested for a while while we talked. when the time for me to leave came, My Bebhe asked me to stay and sleep over. Just for tonight. The Knight in me would wanted to say no but there's a much more stronger person now that took over. I said yes. We share the comfort of his bed again and sleep through the coldness of the night.

When I woke up the following morning, I was awaken by a very good smell. I opened my eyes to see where it was coming from. I saw my Bebhe cooking. I stood up to see what's on the stove. Instead of letting me help, he just pushed me back to bed and did all the serving. I was awed. Nobody did this to me before. Whatever reservations I had melted away. I was in heaven. When my Bebhe gave me the plate, I made sure that My hands touched his before taking the plate. I gave hima warm smile. He smile back.

After our breakfast, my plan was to leave and go back to my place. I changed my mind and decided to stay there until evening. I don't want to waste another minute away from my love one. So we decided to go to the nearest video city and rent some vids to the pass the time. I learned another thing about my Bebhe. He's into superhero films. My Bebhe never fails to suprise me.

When I left Katips that day, I know I have found someone special. Someone I can treasure and spend my life with. It's just a matter of overcoming the fear of going into a relationship with full of uncertainty again. Just so you know, the most affectionate words we used during this times were "I miss you". Both of us are afraid to use the word "Love" yet. For my part, I don't want to give my Bebhe falls hope until I am certain that I am ready.

"Don't say "I love you" when you don't mean it. You're just hurting yourself." - Anon

Open Season

2007-07-22T03:20:00.000+08:00

The following Saturday after our first date, I asked my Bebhe out again. I just can fight the urge to see him again. At this point, I am not yet sure if I am inlove. I defintely like the person. But love? Maybe.

My budget for the date was only P500. Yup! I'm cheap. Since I'm from Pasay and my Bebhe's from Katipunan, we decided to meet halfway. Yup! SM Megamall again! After the usual strolling, and since we were just here last week, we ran out of things to do. Finally, my Bebhe asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. It's been a long time since I watched a movie. As earlier mentioned, I only have around 200 pesos left in my pocket after the dinner so I was a bit hesitant. I think he knew what was running through my mind and offered to pay for hte movie. The knight in me automatically rejected the idea. I am a Knight! I will not be treated like a girl! So I politely said no. So we decided to stroll for a couple more minutes. I was mulling over how to pay for the movie and how I will be able to go home when our feets landed in front of the cinema booth. My Bebhe went and pay for our tickets. When he came back, I think he read the puzzle look in my face and explained "My feet hurts, I want to rest. You can pay me back later". With that, I took the ticket and we went in.

The movie was a lot of laughs. It was a long time since I last laughed this much. I owe it to the person who forced me to watch the movie. I owe it to my Bebhe. While wathcing the film, I turned and watched my Bebhe laugh. My stress and tireness was washed away with every giggle and laugh I hear coming out from his mouth. For the first time after meeting my Bebhe, I considered the fact that I am falling in love. If I can remember it correctly, I think I tried to hold his hand inside the cinema. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember if he rejected it or not.

After the movie, we walked towards the taxi stand. As we walked, we talked about so many things. I want to know him more! So I fired away with a lot of questions. Luckily for me, my Bebhe answered them without any reservations. If found out about his eye problem and that he was not supposed to have anythign with caffeine. when we reached the stand, I felt like the time we had together was so short. I wanted to go home with him. I wanted to spend my night with him. But I fought the urge and let him take his ride back to Katips. As I was walking towards the overpass to ride the bus, I contemplated teh events that happened for the last two weeks. I keep going back to the memories of the time me and my Bebhe were together. I keep replaying the sound of my Bebhe's laugh inside the cinema on my mind. when I reached the Bus station, I asked myself a question. "Where is this going?"

I continued thinking inside the bus. The thoughts of getting in a relationship again scared the life out of me. I know I am not ready yet. But should I let my fears get in the way of my feelings? Of my happiness? Will I let this one get away because of my stupidity and cowardness to face the truth? That I am helplessly falling inlove!

When I got home and readied myself for bed, I made a decision. I will wait it out. See if my feelings for my Bebhe is really love or just fondness or infatuation. And since you're reading this blog now, I think you know now what my feelings were :)

"You are "In Love" when you no longer fear the unknown." - Anon

Panibagong Simula

2007-07-21T09:32:00.000+08:00

Ako ay panandaliang lilihis sa landas na tinatahak upang magbigay pugay sa mga taong mapapagawi sa aking bagong tahanan!

Alam ninyo na kung ano ang nangyari at kung bakit ako nangailangang mag paalam panandalian sa pagsusulat. Ngunit ako ngayon ay nagbabalik. Ilang munting mensahe para sa mga mambabasa...

Hinde na ako maglalagay ng mga kwento tungkol sa aking mga nakaraang naranasaan nung ako ay kilala pa bilang itim na kabalyero. Kung ganoong uri ng mga kwento ang iyong hanap, maari mo ng itigil ang pagbasa dito pa lang. Mabibigo ka lang...

Ang mga kwentong nasaad at isasaad sa mga pahina ng aking bagong tahanan ay pagbibigay pugay sa aking nagiisang minamahal na kabiyak. Kung ano man ang aming dinaan, mga pinagdadaan at mga pagdadaan pa upang ang aming relasyon ay lalong tumibay.

Ako ay nagpapasalamat sa iyong pagbisita. Nawa'y hinde ka magsawa at bumalik ulit upang basahin ang aking mga bagong naisulat tungkol sa aking makulay na relasyon.

.Huwang Mahina.

10:28

2007-07-20T02:28:00.000+08:00

Our first ever date! (Of course the breakfast in Jollibee does not count).

I'm a avid fan of Jed Madela. I support him in every way that I can like. I bought his CDs and went to his concerts. Of course supporting him will include going to his mall shows. So even if the most powerful storm (Milenyo) our country has endured last year stood against me, I still went and see his show in MoA. After the show, like all avid fans, I stood in line for his autograph. When my turn finally came, Jed was suprised to see me. "What are you doing here? You know you don't have to be in the line for my autograph! You can approach me anytime!" What a down to earth guy! To cut the long story short, he asked me to bring a friend along to his mall show the following day in SM Megamall. Of course I grab the opportunity.

That night, I spend so much time sending messages to my friend asking for a companion even though I already have someone in mind. I was shy to ask this person out. It was not fear of being turned down, but something different. When it was almost midnight and nobody has responded to my invitatioon, I finally gave up and sent this person a message. In less than five minutes, I got a companion!

Sunday, I was so nervous that I can't figure out what I will be wearing. Normally, I would just wear the first thing that my hands can grab from my closet. But this day is different. I wanted to make an impression. when I finally decided what clothes to wear, I was on my way to SM. I was admiring the poster of Jed when I received a message from this person. "I'm on my way but I will be late" reads the message. I replied that it was not a problem. When phone beep for the second time that day, I knew I will be in for something different. I went and meet with my companion. We chatted for a while before we went inside. I think my companion was suprised to see where or what we will be doing. But since we are already there, no complaints was heard.

As usual, Jed was more than anyone can expect. Stunning vocals and perfect pitch. After the show, I grab my companion so that we can fall in line for the autograph signing. My companion was a bit edgy about what we are about to do. Later I found out that it was the first time that my companion did that. After we got what I wanted, we went on our way and stroll around the big mall. I brought my companion to my favorite places. Odyssey was our first stop. I don't like listening to music but I prefer to be informed of what's hot and what's not. The next stop was Booksale. I love books and I like reading. Unfortunately, my companion is not into them as much as I expected, so we went on our way to my last favorite place. Powerbooks! Hehehe I know what you're going to say, "Books again?" But I didn't hear any complains from my companion. After that, we stroll some more and then decided that since it's getting late, we should decide if we are going to watch a movie or not. But of course I have a better idea. I pulled my companion again and off we went to Odyssey again. I told my companion that we should just buy a cd and watch it in my companion's place. "Up to you." my companion said. I saw "The Masseur" cd and took it to the counter to pay for it. Afterwards, we took a cab to go to my companion's place, which I later found out was in Quezon City. We watched the video (actually I watched alone since my companion decided to doze off)

After the film, I saw my companion soundly asleep. I took the empty space beside my companion and lay there. what happened next is something I will never blog.

"Alot of things happened tonight. Things worth remembering, thing worth forgetting. But there's one thing that will forever be etched in my memory. Today, I am complete." - Anon

Prologue

2007-07-19T01:41:00.000+08:00

People may ask why I named my blog as such. My answer to them will be “Why not?”. Some may ask if that’s our pet name (me and my bebhe). The answer is definitely not! As you can see, I refer to my love one as my bebhe. Not bacon, not eggs. Bebhe. Kapisch?

For the first post on this blog, I would like to regale you of how I met my bebhe. It all started when I quit my job in a contact center and decided to seek out a different line of work. After 2 weeks of exhausting exploration, it seems that the only work with the kind of compensation I was accustomed to will be in the contact center. So I decided to give it a try one last time. But this time, I promised myself that it will be different from anything else I have tried so far.

I went on an got accepted and experienced the “one-day process” literally. And after two weeks of voice and accents training, it was time for the Product Specifics Training. During the first two days of the training, I was already getting bored and disappointed. It seems that I will be working the same kind of thing that I used to do. I think I said to myself back then that I will be quitting after 6 months. But on the third day, everything changed. Our PST trainer arrived from our different site. I wish I can tell you something like it was love at first site or serendipity or something. If you’re looking for that sort of story, then better stop reading. This is different.

When I saw our trainer, my radar detected something in the air. But I was more surprised to discover that this person is not even a bit interested in me. Ok, say what you want to say but I do my own share of admirers and I am not accustomed to just being passed by. For me, I’m a head turner! (well that’s for me) So I immediately went on the offensive to find out why. Day after day, I tried different style, different stroke, different look, even different psy-war. But nothing worked. I was actually giving up when I decided to give it one last try. On the fourth and final week of our training, I decided to stay behind. I will try to flirt a bit. Either this person is into me or my radar was mistaken. The first and second day was a success. I was able to get to talk to my trainer in a much more personal way. I was even able to borrow my trainer’s phone. I found some clues here and there but nothing conclusive. On our last day of training, I ask my trainer to breakfast. I will use my last desperate effort to know the “truth”.

We ate at Jollibee Insular. After eating, I revealed my true color. Yet again, I fail to get the answer I was looking for. I was getting more desperate. “Do you like me?” I ask in desperation. “That’s a good question” my trainer replied. I got my answer. Not the words but the reaction it elicited. My mission was a success.

After a couple of weeks of no longer seeing my trainer, I started to miss the times we were together. I found myself daydreaming about those times that we spend together and how fun it will be to do it again. I even made plans of going to different places we’re we can have our private moments. The feeling grew so much that I decided to do something about it. I asked my trainer out. It was October 28, 2006. Just after Milenyo.

From then on, the rest is history. For the second time in my life, I feel alive again. I feel complete. I was reborn. The best days of my life are now here.

There are a lot of things to be said but are better left unsaid. There are so many things to be done but not to be done. And as much as I would like to explain my actions, I would rather not. Things are going for the better. Let’s leave it at that. - Anon