Hang Ups Anyone?

“I like talking to you because you seem to have no hang ups or whatever.”

No hang ups? What the --?? Can anyone tell me what this mean? I asked around and here’s what some of the people think what “No hang ups” mean.

“Nothing’s holding you back. No doubts or apprehensions.” - Lesbian friend


“You can talk without any shame or inhibitions” - Cowboy Girl

“Not easily hassled by things. Seems to have no problems. Cool. Someone who shows who he really is.” - Rich Kid

“Ang sakin lng, u can show ur emotions. Kunwari may sinabi ako sa iba. tas may sinabi sila sakin. parang kulang. Parang masyadong safe or masyadong plain. Ndi ko masyadong maramdaman. Yung dating nya sakin ganun kasi nga iba yung personality nila... ang sakin lng, mag gusto kita kausap kasi mas aaliw mas kwela mas ok... mas palagay yung loob ko” - Saito Hajime

“Totally moved on ka na. Wala ng natirang remorse, galit, pain, sama ng loob etc.” - Boy Genius

“Someone who doesn’t feel any guilt for what happened in the past. Someone who doesn’t feel any anger or pain even to his EXs or anyone who came to his life or anything that happened in his life. Simply put, it's a person who never dwells in the past.” - Gym Buddy

Hhhmm... so having no hang ups is like a good thing. But if this is the meaning of not having any hang ups, then I definitely do not fall in this category. I for one know that I am a person with a lot of apprehensions and doubts. I talk with inhibitions because I’m afraid that what I say might not be the right thing to say or might just be rejected. And I’m definitely someone who is easily intimidated, hassled, and bullied. And what is this that they are saying about having no problems? Who on earth doesn’t have a problem? Everybody does right? And just to clear things up. I’m not cool.

With that said, how can someone even tell me that they love talking to me because I do not have any hang ups? I’m a loser with no characteristics that anyone will like. You can even ask my friends and they will tell you what a headache I am and how much pain I have inflicted to them. But that didn’t stop MB from loving me. MB showed me that even a loser like me can be loved, cuddled, kissed, hugged, and treasured. That someone so miserable as me can still be happy. That I still have a future; a future full of happiness. And that, my friends, is just one of the things that I love about MB. He loves me for what I am. No hang ups.

“It's not who or what that's important” - Anon

Q&A

How can you really make a relationship work? What do you need to do for your relationship to last?

These are just some of the questions I always hear from people that talk about relationships. I do not pretend to be some expert when it comes to relationships. I know for a fact that I am not for I came from a failed relationship before I found the person who saved me from drowning. I know that I made more mistakes than the next guy when it comes to making decisions while in a relationship. That I am a failure when it comes to the “ideal person” to be in a relationship with as set by society. But I know that some, not all, may benefit from my experiences and that's why I share them to people.

So how can someone make a relationship work? Simple. Just as the question mentioned, it is work. Now I can see people’s eyebrows raising after reading that statement. Well we all have different opinions. This is mine so back off :)

Now back to the topic. Contrary to what people believe, love is not enough for a relationship to last. Like it or not, time will come when emotions will be tested and love will fade. When that time comes, you must be ready to work your ass to make your relationship last. You must fight for it if needed. If you will only rely on your emotions to get you through the day, then you will always end up in the losing end. You must know when to use your emotions and when to use your mind. Both are needed for a long lasting relationship. Now this is just my thoughts and I’m just speaking out loud. I do not intend to give advice to anyone since I’m not the right person to do so. So when someone do come asking about what I think, I always tell them stories about my past instead of giving off advice. I just think its better that way.

So when a friend talks to me about his problems about his partner, I will explain to him what I did when I was in the same situation as he is and hope that he will be able to make his own move from there. For example, a friend told me his story about not talking to his long time boyfriend for almost a week just because he doesn’t want to be the first to make a move after a petty quarrel. I shared my experience with my ex that after not talking to each other, we just grew cold and got used to not speaking to each other. Like it is the normal thing to do. Another instance was when a friend came to me telling me he’s getting tired of being the “strongman” in the relationship. Of being the person who’s always there for his partner. I just told him about my experience with MB when I was on my lowest point. That I felt that the well is drying out because no water is coming in. But giving up is not an option for me. Because for me, I can’t picture myself without MB. I just can’t imagine waking up and not finding him by my side. Just the thought of it makes me cry. What more if it’s a reality that I brought to myself? Oh what misery I will be in!

And lastly, being in a relationship is not always fun and full of happiness. So those who are out there who are getting desperate that you are still single, don't try so hard to be in one. I'm telling you, you are not missing a lot. If you think you are prepared for something this hard, then you are not at all prepared. If you think you are mature, then you are very immature. Read this post. I can tell that this friend of mine knows what is needed for a relationship to work. I suggest that you click the link and read it. It’s definitely worth your time (Don’t forget to read the link he mentioned as well!).

"Admitting your mistake is the first sign of maturity" - Anon

Let's talk about X

People come to me for advice. Either I’m just too nosy or people do tend to see me as someone who they can share their pain with. I think it’s the first but I can dream too.

One of the things that people always asked me about is relationship. I don’t pretend to be an expert on this issue since I’ve only experienced two serious relationships to date. So instead of giving them advices, I tend to share to them my past experiences. And when I say experiences, I mean my experiences on “relationships” and relationships. The first being the “relationships” I had or more aptly known nowadays as flings, MU, and LDRs. I had my share of failures and pain about all these things but I do not consider them as anything serious. The latter is the two relationships I consider as serious since there was real commitments and love, not lust, is present.

Some of the people asked me how I was able to get past my previous serious relationship in order to enter a new one. Some people complain about their former affairs. And others just would like to know if the “relationship” they were in was indeed a relationship. Others still, ask me how I was able to know when it was time to move one.

It was never easy to get up from a downfall of a serious relationship. For me, it took me more than 2 years before I was able to let go of the past. Before I was able to finally say to myself that whatever we had was over. Some will say that 2 years is a long time to recover from heartache. I always tell them is that it was not heartache that I needed to recover from, but hope. The hope that one day, he will realize that I was the one for him. That if I keep being there for him, helping him in time of his need, he will come back to me. Hope was my enemy and I was fighting a losing battle. Because he moved on, I didn’t.

Now some will say that two years is still too long for hoping something like that and I agree with them. But there is no regret for what happened because it taught me a lot of things. And it allowed me to become mature enough to recognize what love really is. So when I saw it, I grabbed it and made it mine forever.

My EX will forever have a special place in my heart. But that doesn’t mean that I do not love MB with all my heart. I love him without any inhibition and any equivocation. It’s just that the person who made my life colorful before will forever be in my heart. My love for him will always be there only on a different level. More of a special friend than a lover. And understanding this thing made me fall ever more for MB.

I just remembered something that was said to me by a friend when I asked him if he still love his ex. He said:

“Love, once given, will never fade. It just mature and change”

To those that are wondering what my EX looks like, here’s someone that always reminds me of him.

Ahem!

I have a lot of drafts but I don't think I will be able to post them soon since I can't seem to finish anything with themes on it. So here I am, writing another stupid post about nothing at all.

People are still asking about my relationship with MB. I guess I left it hanging and was not able to explain what happened between the two of us. For all those who are asked, thank you! but no need to worry about us anymore. My relationship with MB is stronger than ever. What happened between us is just what one should expect once you are in a relationship living together. I've expected much worse so no need to worry about us.

Hmm what to write, what to write? I guess I could tell you about my conversation with a friend about relationships but that would be something that I'm reserving for dry days. So for now let me just tell you the story of what happened a week ago when I was asked by MB to find a place to stay for the night since a friend will need to sleep over. Its actually better than it sounds so don't go raising the alarm just yet. My plan was actually to have a drinking session with my friends but I cancelled it on the last minute because of somethings I will not discuss here. So to cut the story short, I spent the night at my office, in front of my PC, surfing, chatting, and watching whatever comes to mind. Yup even porn!

Now why did I brought up this story you ask. The friend who slept over needed a place to stay since she will be leaving for the province the following day. But the real reason was she needed someone to lean because she just found out that her boyfriend for 8 years, who left her a month ago, is currently dating his secretary! Yup his very own secretary! Isn't that such a TV/Movie cliche?

Before MB left our place to pick up his friend, he was worried that he wouldn't know what to say to comfort her since he is not a very emotional person. He could solve many things even under pressure but he's at a lost when it comes to emotions and relationships. I just smiled, kissed him, and told him that he just needs to be there for her. And being there, sometimes, means just that, being there. You don't need any fancy words but just be physically there. This somewhat gave him enough courage to push through.

Now that I'm typing this, I can't help but wonder. Will that happen to us as well? I mean, they lasted for 8 years while MB and me are just starting out. Sure they are different and but of course there are always what ifs but with trust and love I believe we can make it. And what do you know, I answered my own question! The answer is just that. Trust and Love. No one really knows what's going to happen tomorrow but with a little trust and a sprinkle of love, I believe that whatever tomorrow brings, my love for MB will just keep growing stronger. I can only hope that his love for me does too.

I just remembered something so let me finish this post with this:

"Enjoy what you have right now for you don't know if its still be there tomorrow. Now if you really don't like what you have right now, then no need to punish yourself. Just wait. for tomorrow is another day. Who knows what it may bring. So smile more, laugh a little louder, dance a little, sing one more song, and love a little better. And tomorrow, well let's leave it at that for now."  -  Anon