Saturday, February 16, 2008


I was talking to a very dear friend of mine earlier today about his problems with his partner. Normally I would asked him to hold on and fight for their love but not this time. My reason, I'm not a big fan of LDR

Long distance relationships or LDRs for short is one of the hardest kinds of relationship to maintain. The chances that this kind of relationship will last are less than 20%. This is mainly because more often than not, the relationship has a foundation of pretensions. I would like to say “lies” but I will be wrong. This is where the phrase “Put your best foot forward” comes in. I think this phrase was invented when someone was quoted saying “First impressions lasts”. The latter quotation is of course by all means correct. But the second saying gives me the creeps. But what do I know, I’m a nobody.

Going back now to the topic, people who are in LDR, and I’m not saying all of them, put their best foot forward. This mostly happens in the beginning of the relationship, when one party is trying to impress the other side. Trying to get their trust and establishing a comfort zone with them. Of course people will point out that this is just the first part of the relationship and will be of little significance if you get to know the person better as time goes by. What these people are forgetting is the second saying that I mentioned earlier. “First impressions lasts” because they do. And those people who put their best foot forward will have to continue doing so for the rest of the relationship so as not to disappoint the other party, especially if that person has already fallen for the other. This is where it starts to get ugly. I’m not saying that the person who put their best foot forward is lying to the other side. He or she is not. For all we know, he or she is really that kind of person, just not all the time. The problem will come in when that person will have to pretend that he/she is that kind of person, the person the other side has fallen for, even though he/she is not like that every single time.

Just for arguments sake, let’s say that the relationship lasted for 7 months or even a year. Everything is going the way you planed and then you decided that you will now let the other side know the real you. Of course by now you are thinking that since both of you love each other, he/she will accept you for who you really are. Some will, but some won’t. And this is where the relationship will start to plummet. Because even if the person who you fall in-love with accepts the real you, time will come that he/she will start to think that you are not the person he/she fell in-love with in the first place. Tragic but true.

Putting your best foot forward is pretending to be someone who you really are not. And in the process, you will hurt yourself and the people around you. Most people know this but they are still doing it. The reason is they just want to get accepted. I, for one, had fallen prey to this kind of relationship a long time ago. Luckily for me, I’m a pain in the ass and borderline boring. So after 4 months of LDR, I decided to pay my so-called partner a visit in his far home town. Good thing I have the guts to do so or else I wouldn’t know the real person I’m getting involved with. I will probably be still stuck with that person until now and have not found MB.

I can’t say that I’m not doing this “pretending” show. For all I know, I’m just trying to be who I am even if it irritates the hell out the person I’m trying to be friends with. I think its better this way than pretending to be someone that I’m not just so people will like me. I’m just being me. so If I pester your day with questions of pepper you with generic txt messages, I'm just being me. But of course it’s not an excuse not to change. For hurting people, intentional or not, is something that no should be allowed to do.

"Pretending wastes your chances to be happy" - Anon


Mink said...

nalulungkot ako pag may nababasa ako na ang mga LDR's ay hindi nagiging successful kalimitan kasi, it makes me feel im bound to be alone forever and ever, dahil nga malayo ako sa kabihasnan and i have to live like this for my FUTURE daw.



kayciies said...

I am in an LDR right now, and believe me it is very much real. We have been together for 1 year and 6 months now.

Distance cannot, and will not hurt a bond between two people that is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment, and love.

Although you may feel like you are losing faith in your relationship at times, hold fast and trust your heart, it's what they say.

I, like you, truly believe that love & relationships are what make your life special, and that ones built on love & understanding are always worth preserving, regardless of the miles that may separate two people.

Both challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationships.

Long Distance Relationships share the same facts as an average relationship. It involves two people who share an interest in each other's lives, care for one another and of course have a love for each other that they hope will only continue to grow. On the other hand, a long distance relationship does have its differences as well. It takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent note, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be major trust required. Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell out doom for your relationship.

With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed. You both will be secure, happy and satisfied until the day comes when you will re-unite for good and build your wonderful future together.

TL said...

@Mink Friendship of course exception ka sa rule. Ang ganda ganda mo eh :)

@Kayciies I agree with your ideas. I'm sorry for confusing you but I was actually talking about a different LDR :) Peace