Boston Legal

I’ve wanted to post something about the series me and MB is currently watching. Yup, you’ve guessed it right! It’s Boston Legal.

Basically, the series revolves around the folks in a law firm named Crane, Poole and Schmidt. And what I really liked about them is that the people in the firm are so unbelievable, you can actually enjoy watching TV and know that it’s just TV. No pretension and make believes. It’s just pure fun.

The main personality in the program is lawyer Alan Shore played by James Spader. But the person who I like most is the named partner, Denny Crane portrayed by William Shatner. Now Denny Crane used to be the biggest gun in the state of Boston before mad cow / Alzheimer’s got his brains. But that didn’t stop him from being larger than life. Even when he just walks in the room, you know, he’s the big guy. Every single time I see him in the screen, the episodes suddenly is alive. Kudos to William Shatner for his great acting!

Now, so much for my “review”. This post is actually about the episode I saw earlier today. It’s about many other things but what struck me most is the smoker client of Alan Shore who can’t give up smoking to save her life. But when she said that what she missed about smoking is how it is a time away from the frenzy, hate, stress, and whatever else she mentioned, and how it gives her a peace of mind, even if its just a couple of minutes, it made me realized something. The reason why I always wait for MB before I take my lunch time, even if it means waiting the entire day, the wait pales to the time I will spend with him. Even if it’s only a couple of minutes or an hour, it’s worth the wait. Because that’s my time away from stress, away from problems, away from suffering, away from boredom, away from anyone else but him. My time and my space are directed only to one person. All my energy, my effort, is given to him. And with that, I know my day wasn’t a waste at all.

“Spending even a nanosecond with your love one is enough reason to keep fighting” - Anon

Explain Explain

After my trashy post, I come back with a new post about love. Still boring and filled with trash but at least it's in English :)

I just watched this movie “After Sex” and it reminded me about a message I received from my ex a long time ago.

“Don’t ask me how I know I love you. For love is not meant to be explained. It’s meant to be felt.”

And I have to say, after receiving that message, I never felt the same. I mean I always answered the questions of my friends that I have no idea why I’m with this person but it just feels good when we’re together. I never thought that I was giving the right answer about being in-love. Because love is not something you can quantify or something that you can attribute to your partners eyes, legs, face, even mind. It is something you feel towards that person. And don’t tell me that you “love” that person because he/she is kind, sweet, honest, beautiful, loyal, faithful, monogamous, or whatever you have in your mind. I hate to break it to you but that my friend is not love! Those are just what you see when you are in-love and even if those things are absent, you don’t give a damn because no matter what short comings that person has, your feelings will not change. And don’t give me that lame reason of him/her making you feel complete. That’s not love either. If that’s love, you won’t feel complete; you’ll feel that you want to be a better person for that person. Now that, that’s Love.

There will come a point in your life that you will find that one person that will make you feel that you want to be a better person. And you want to wake up every morning beside that person. Smelling his/her hair and preparing a breakfast for two. But unfortunately, not all will have the guts to jump and take the risk. Some will be too scared of the possible pain that they will cower away from what will make them happy. But I can’t blame them. Because to tell you the truth, even if you feel that you want nothing more in this world that to be with that person for the rest of your life but the person you’re feeling this to is not reciprocating it, then you will just end up in a world of pain. But that’s the beauty of it. Love is like jumping into a pool without knowing if it’s deep or shallow. If it’s shallow you will end up hurting. But if it’s deep, well you will be in for the ride of your life. I have taken that jump twice. The first time I was hurt pretty bad. I even promised myself that I will never jump ever again. But then I met MB, and I was never the same again.

To end this post let me tell you about a quote from a friend that said something like this:

I don't know how but I do. And I don't know any other way. I love you.

I’m paraphrasing of course but you get my idea right? If it’s something you can quantify or basically anything that you can explain, then that’s not love. It’s just lust. And sometimes it’s better. Especially if you’re honest to yourself.





“Explained Love is Sugar-coated Lust” - Anon

When A Gay Man Loves...

I heard about this docu-film from one of the groups I belonged to online. So I got curious and downloaded it. At first I thought that it’s a porn flick because the place where I got it was a place known for it. But after watching it, it was actually about the experiences of our effem friends about falling in-love. And I have to admit, while half watching half listening, I can’t help but feel giggles especially during the part when an actor called his ex and asked for just one more time. Not chance but time. And as he cries while begging for his last hurrah, I was reminded by the people I hurt, the people I gave false hope, and the people whom I deceived.

The documentary also features interviews from people of different religion. And as you know, the Catholics have their stand as well as the Baptists. But what struck me most is what was said by one wizened lady in the form of Fe Alguso of the United Church of Christ in the Philippines. She said that she can accept the homosexuals as a person but she can’t accept a homosexual relationship. I guess what she said is the best thing that came out of religion. Not that I care if they, i.e. religious people, or anyone for that matter, accepts the kind of relationship I decided to enter. But for those people who are waiting for religion to accept who and what they are so that they can “come out”, this is, for me, is the best thing that they could hope for.

For most part, this documentary tackles the topic of homosexuality being a sin as seen by religious people. And of course, the point of view of our effem friends is that it is not. For me the jury is still out when it comes to this matter. And since I’m not religious, it will not matter if it’s a sin or not.

I have been doing this since November of 2005. And even though I can’t say that I have tried everything about this life, I certainly can tell that I have been into relationships that can last me a lifetime. But for all the people whom I was lucky enough to come across with, I’ve only fell in-love twice. Although I can’t say that I was in a serious relationship with one of them, it was still a fun feeling being in-love. And as John Lapus said in this documentary, how can something, that was born of love, and brings happiness to your miserable life can be a sin? For me, I can certainly say that being with MB is one of the best things that ever happened to my life. And if it is a sin, then this is the sin that I will burn in hell for without any regrets.

Happy Valentines Day My Love.






“Sin or not, love like you never love before” - Anon

Grey's Anatomy

Time

MB is currently watching Grey’s Anatomy. And since we are living together, I was drag in the process. I have to say that I first watched it out of my love to MB but I can’t help but fall for this show. It grows in you.

Anyway, I mentioned it because this post blossomed whiled watching an episode last week. I just can’t figure out what. But what I do know is that at the latter part of the episode, when Meredith Grey is doing her monologue, she mentioned that everybody needs more time. That everyone, demands more time. Time…

I’m currently lost in my thoughts as I think about Time. Surely I’m wondering why I can’t have more time working so I can earn a little extra. Why I can’t have more time so that I can sleep a little longer. Why can’t I have more time to spend with MB every day. Why can’t I have more time with my mum. Why can’t I…

It saddens me deeply to think about all the time I lost by staying away from home. Or even all the time that I spent in the office away from MB. It saddens me deeply and it’s breaking my heart.

Time changes everything. It can even heal the deepest wounds in our hearts. For with time, comes change. With change comes maturity. With maturity comes forgiveness. But why can’t we stop time? Why can’t we have our moments together with our love ones a little longer? Why can’t we just stay here, in this time, and remain happy forever? Why…

I’m stopping right now because obviously, I have a lot of questions in my head right now that I can’t compose even a respectable post. And obviously, even if I said that I was ok, I clearly wasn’t. But maybe it’s ok not to be ok. Maybe it’s ok that sometimes, we’re miserable. That sometimes, we are not ok. And maybe in time, I will be ok…

Time.









“Time waits for no one” - Anon