Goodbye 2007

I already know how to blog using multiply before but only last February did I learned about blogspot. And everything is history. But just like every year ender post, here's some things I look back at this year.

Mid January of this year, I canceled my multiply due to some personal issues I need to dealt with. A couple of weeks after that, I was surfing the net when I accidentally landed into one of the blogs of my now close friend TheTripper. And like most people, I became an instant fan. But like a hungry bear, my appetite is not easily satisfied so I checked the links that he has to see if they offer the same kind of "food". That's when I encountered the darkbrokenredjars.blogspot.com of Macoy. He write so fearless and so eloquently that I became so inspired that I decided to create my own blog. To become like Macoy.

My blog, my original one, jmfreak1028.blogspot.com went through several revisions and was left alone by fellow bloggers except for TheTripper and Mugen. Everything change late March when suddenly a thought dawned to me. A new theme and a new topic for my blog. With the help of TheTripper, and the inspirations I got from both Macoy and Joms, I created a new blog. Hence, "The Dark Room, the adventures of the dark knight" was born. Pitiful as my writing skills are, there were some unfortunate bloggers who manage to drop by from time to time. And with the guidance of Joms and TheTripper, my writing improved a bit and my blog began to take it's shape.

I think it was right around the second or third week of June that I introduced to the blogging community the love of my life, MB, which is of course short for My Bebhe. The response I got was so mixed that I almost thought of quitting the blogging world if not for the steady support of my sisters Kaizen and Turismoboi. I would have never made it this long if not for them.

July made its mark when the Dark Room went off the air.

But as Joms said "Once a blogger, always a blogger" so here I am with a new blog but still struggling. But I know I have accomplished something. I guess.

So to all those people who have been instrumental in keeping me in this blogosphere, thank you, thank you, thank you.

And to MB, thank you for understanding me. I love you.




"Don't lose hope. The Sun will shine soon."

14

Yesterday marked our fourteenth months of being together. But instead of eating out in some place fancy or cooking something special, I spent the day alone in our apartment eating wheat bread and left over ham. MB is with his family in Bohol for the holidays. We’ve already talked about this before but I can’t help the fact that I miss him so much that I couldn’t sleep. And as the night drew to a close, I received a much unexpected message.

“pauwi na ko…”

I was in the office when it happened. I immediately dashed out and hailed the first cab in sight. When I reached our place, the love room, there he was, standing by the door, looking as handsome as ever. I couldn’t wait for the doors to be opened. I grab him and kissed him passionately. And once we got inside, even before we reach our bedroom, we couldn’t stop kissing and holding each other tightly. As if the words “I miss you” and “I love you” are not enough to profess our feelings for each other. Well you know what happened afterwards.

And as we lay together, our skins still touching, telling tales of the days that passed by when we were apart, my mind drifted to the coming year. For I know there will be challenges that we will face. We will have our share of arguments, even fights that we will need to mend. But then, here we are. After fourteen months. Still together. Still getting stronger. So I hold his hand and said to myself that no matter what, I will not let him go. No matter what.

And now as the year comes to an end, I look up to the stars to see what they have to say about my future. Here it goes…


Love and Relationships

The year 2008 will mostly be good for you from the point of view of love and relationships. This year will bring lots and lots of adventure for you. You may meet someone who will take you out of your comfort zone. The experience will be new yet enriching. However, during the earlier part of the year, you need to be careful around some of your friends. One of them may cause trouble for you.

I don’t believe in horoscopes or in fortune telling. But that should not hinder me from hearing what they have to say. “Keep an open mind” I always say. But of course, I always trust my heart. A great general once said “My greatest advantage is that I know my enemy.” I guess I’m thinking on the same line as he did. But nevertheless, I will follow my heart. And my heart tells me that no matter what, I will not let this relationship falter. I love MB so much it hurts.

DK's End

I was browsing through my files when I found the letter I wrote to MB before I closed my old blog. As I read it again, my heart ached. I remembered how much I hurt MB by acting so foolishly. And now, as the year is drawing to a close, it will serve as a reminder of how close I came to losing MB.

Bhe ,

I'm sorry for acting like a jerk and being stupid for the last couple of days. I know I have hurt you so much and that you may not be able to trust me again. I'm really sorry.

For the last couple of days, I have been trying to end my connection with Jon, the friend who asked me to be his PA. He was the one who keep on calling me and sending me messages. He's also the one who called me "Beb". He asked me if it was ok. I said "bahala ka". I am ending my friendship with Jon because I know it hurts you to see us together knowing that he has other intention than friendship. I just can't seem to figure out how to do it without hurting that person. But believe it or not, I am going to end whatever Jon and I had today.

I love you so much. I have not invested this much emotion in a relationship before. Actually, I never cried before about my relationship. Even with John, when he left me, I didn't cry. Because I know I can move on. But with you, I can't live one more day without you. And I don't think that I can do it again with somebody else. I can not see myself with anyone but you. You are the only person in my mind, my heart, and my soul.

I guess I should stop here. I left the keys to your dorm, our love nest, here. I will be going back to Pasay for a while. Not because I am giving up in this relationship. Because bebhe, I will never let this relationship end. I love you so much to do just that. I would rather die than to let you go.

I will be closing my friendster and other networking accounts. I will be closing the blog today as well. I don't need it if you're not by my side.

Mahal na mahal na mahal kita. I also left my phone here. I will not be using it anymore. It's just going to be a temptation.

I love you so much

TL

Everybody has a problem. And my relationship with MB is not an exception. Many can attest to that. It is not always perfect. But it's how many times I get up that counts. If I stay down, nothing will happen. If I argue, nothing will be achieved. I know. I've been there.

"Falling in love is just like that. You fall and hope. Hope that he catches you."

Looking Back

History does repeat itself. What’s happening now happened last year as well. And it was when I realized how much important MB is for me. It was during my lowest times that he was there and is still here. And it’s still fresh in my memory. That is one of the reason I was touched by the movie we watched last month.

“He loved me at my worst…”

I just hold MB’s hand tightly when I heard this line. Although it was meant differently in the movie, it had a different effect on me. I realized how much I am being loved by MB. I just hope I’m returning even half of that love because he deserves to be loved.

MB loved me during the worst time in my life. He became the stronghold that I cling to. And when I spoke to Myex about being inlove with MB, he told me that he understood. For MB was there when I felt so low as I was there for him. That MB cared for me when I needed caring. I know what Myex said is true. I just realized now how much it meant to me.

Indeed MB was there and will always be there for me. Through both good times and bad. In sickness or in health. And I love him for that. And now, as I face another challenge in my life, I thank MB for being there for me. Just like before. Just like always.

I love you MB. Always and forever.

Tradition No More

This will be the second Christmas since we’ve been together. Although we are yet to celebrate it together, we are still happy for each other since we will be spending time with each of our own family. But this post is not about Christmas. It’s still too early for that. This post is about something before that.

I used to have a tradition that I practiced for 15 years. I will spend time alone, either roaming the city or just locked up in my room for a certain day, thinking about the life I lived and to see what else I can do better. For 15 years I have done that without any regrets but something change last year. I met MB.

“We’ve been together for almost the entire day; spending every moment of it with joy like I have never felt before. And even though my heart dictates otherwise, I followed my mind and continued on with my tradition. At around 10 in the evening, I decided to leave while he is still sleeping.

I hailed the first cab that came to my sight and directed the driver to just drive. I don’t know where to go in particular but I just need the speed. I need to think. For my mind is against my heart and I don’t know how to react. I got off at Araneta Center and started to walk. Thinking. Then just like lightning, I decided to take another cab and went back to his place.

As I stand in front of his doors, my heart and my mind are still against each other. But I mastered myself and opened the doors. What I saw made my heart melt. There he was, sound asleep, smiling and so angelic. I took off my clothes and lay beside him. Sensing my warm body, he turned and hugged me tightly and whispered “Thank you.” Fighting tears, I hugged him back and said “No, thank you.”

From then on, I decided that 15 years of tradition is long enough. The following night, I told him the story about my tradition and the reason why I’m breaking it.

“I don’t need to be alone to think about what happened to me this year because I already know that this year, 2006...

You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

And now, a year has passed. And as i looked back to what I did last year, I feel no regret. Because for the first time in 15 years of my life, I spent my special day with the only person in the world I will spend it with.

I love you Bhe.

RIPPED!!!

Ok, I give up. I need you help! You see earlier today, I was uhm, well was doing something with MB’s pants and I kindda manage to rip one of its legs.

I need to find a replacement before MB sees it. Ahm, it’s sort of his favorite pants so to speak. And I will get a helluva of something and nothing of something if you get my drift.

Aeropostale Slacks
Brown
Waist 30

Ahem, ok. Txt me :)

Killer Qoute

“At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world.

Some are running scared.

Some are coming home.

Some tell lies to make it through the day.

Others are just now facing the truth.

Some are evil men, at war with good.

And some are good, struggling with evil.

Six billion people in the world.

Six billion souls.

And sometimes...

All you need is one.”

- One Three Hill, 2003

Nuff said

Note: This was supposed to be a videopost. I don't know what happened :(

Love Notes # 6

Bhe,

Salamat po sa suporta at pagtitiwala. Salamat at nandyan ka lagi sa tabi ko at handing umalalay. Salamat sa pagintindi at pagunawa sa mga bagay bagay. Mahal na mahal kita...

Bhe, alam mo naman ang nangyari nitong mga nakaraang araw. Nagdesisyon akong gawin ang isang bagay kahit na alam kong may masasaktan. Sa totoo lang, wala akong ibang dahilan o rason kung bakit ganun ang aking naging desisyon kung hindi ang sobrang kakulitan ng aking isip. Alam mo naman na hindi ako mapapakali kapag merong isang bagay na hindi ko alam. Para akong kiti-kiti na paroo’t parito kakaisip sa bagay na gusto ko malaman o maintindihan. At nito ngang nagdaang mga araw, nangyari ito. At dahil na rin sa kagustuhan kong masiyahan ang aking isipan, nagdesisyon akong gawin ang bagay na yaon.

Alam kong sasabihin ng mga taong makasarili ang aking hangarin at dapat lang na ako’y kagalitan ng mga taong aking masasaktan. Sa totoo lang, maari ko namang sabihin na ginawa ko iyon para sa ikabubuti nya. Para makatulong. Pero alam mo naman na hindi ko ugali ang magsinungaling hangat maiiwasan. At sa pagkakataong ito, wala akong nakikitang dahilan upang itago ang tunay kong hangarin. Makasarili man ito o hindi.

Kagaya mo Bhe, maraming nagsasabing para akong nagsusugal. Oo tama kayo. Dahil para sa akin, ang buhay ay parang sugal. Sa araw araw, tayo ay binibigyan ng kalayaang mamili at hindi natin alam kung ano ang kahihinatnan. Pipili na lang tayo at mananalangin na sana’y tama ang ating naging desisyon sa buhay. Na sana, maganda ang kalalabasan. Masasabi ko na naiisip ko rin yan nung nagdesisyon ako. Naisip ko na magagalit sa akin ang mga tao. Naisip ko hindi nila ako maiintindihan. Ngunit tinimbang ko kung ano ang mas mahalaga. Ang hindi alamin ang isang bagay at tiisin ang sikip sa aking dibdib o ang makasakit ng aking kaibigan. Oo, sumugal ako. Sumugal ako na mauunawaan ako ng aking kaibigan. Na ako’y kanyang mapapatawad matapos ko siyang saktan ng pangalawang beses.

Aaminin ko, hindi ako umaasa na ako’y kanya pang mapapatawad. Ang aking naging desisyon ay napakamakasarili. Hindi ko inalintana ang kanyang damdamin. Ngunit kahit ganoon man ang mangyari, hindi ako nagsisisi sa aking naging desisyon. Pero kahit napakasakit para sa akin na makitang galit sa aking ang isang kaibiganangagatawan ko ito at haharapin ang anumang kahihinatnan nito.

Ika nga ng isang kaibigan ko, ano daw ba ang mapapala ko sa pakikialam ko sa buhay ng may buhay? Gustuhin ko mang sumagot ng isang magandang rason, pinili kong sabihin ang aking makasariling desisyon. Makasarili pero totoo.

Kaya ako’y nagpapasalamat sayo Bhe. Alam kong hindi mo ako iiwan. At kahit mawala man silang lahat, nandidyan ka pa rin. Handa akong mahalin.

Mahal na mahal kita…

Mike, The Magnet

You’ve read from my previous post that I was looking for the next step in my relationship with MB. I say was because I got my answer not more than a month ago. We, actually MB, invited a friend to visit our place. Visit the Love Room. And for the first time since we’ve been together, we will be having a guest as a couple. Normally, he would dismiss the idea every time I will bring it up. But that day was different! It was MB who suggested that we invite a friend to come over and have lunch! Shock as I was, I quickly regained my composure and agreed before MB changes his mind. And so we prepared for the visit of my “Friendship”.

It was back in the days of The Dark Knight when I met him. And his blog was not yet named as it is known now. And by means of exchanging messages and comments, our relationship grew deeper and bonds were formed. So deep was the bond I felt that I took the risk and started calling him “Friendship”, a name I still use until today. And what a true friend he has become. For he redefines the meaning of friendship and continuously take it to next level! And now I can say with confidence that my Friendship is indeed a diamond among the sand. A rare find that I will cherish until the end of my days.

So who is this “Friendship” that I’m talking about? I’m sure you already know for he is the friend that is close to everyone’s heart. Yes you guessed it right. The man who used to be called as Mink, the Twink before he was known as the Arabian Phoenix and now has found an identity as the Arabian Paladin. Yes it’s the guy we know as Mink. But for me, he is no longer Mink or the Arabian Paladin. For me, he is Mike, one of my dearest friends.

But apart from all his accomplishments and contributions to my life, the best thing that I will remember about Mike is this: Magnet. Magnet for he was the reason why I was able to meet the other bloggers that I can only dream to meet. For example, I never imagined in my lifetime that I will be able to meet Davenport if Mike would have not come home. Nor will I be able to meet the people who influenced my decisions and helped crafted the Dark Room at the same time. Again, it was a dream come true thanks to Mike.

Another thing about Mike that I really love is how he managed to break down the walls and barriers between different circles. You and I both know that each people have a certain circle of friends. And it is the same here in blogosphere. But thanks to Mike, he was able to combine all that and form one big circle. That’s the power only the Arabian Paladin has.

I am sure there will be more posts written about my friend Mike so for now I will skip some details and go on with my story. You see not only did Mike become my friend; he also became a friend to MB. And ever the loving MB, he accepted Mike not only in our Love Room with all the warmth and hospitality a person can offer, but also in our hearts and in our lives. I will never forget how Mike brought brightness and liveliness back in our dull and lipid place. How he manage to make MB glow with every story he shares. Or even how he reached out to us made us a part of his life.

To Mike:

You’re one of a kind. You’re my Arabian Diamond. And I thank you for sharing, bonding, and loving me as a friend should. I just hope I was able to give even half of what you have given me. I am glad that you are the first friend we have as a couple. You already have a special place in our hearts. And I can’t wait for the next year to arrive. For with the new year comes the hope of seeing you again Friendship. I miss you so much. We both do. See you soon.

To MB:

I love you so much Bhe. I cherish everyday and every moment with you. Thank you for letting me enjoy the company of friends and for being so understanding and caring. I love you with all my heart.

P.S. Don’t worry, when Mike comes back he will cook pineappled chicken again for us.