Patalastas - Sustagen

Noong nagdaang Sabado, ika-dalawampu't walo ng Hulyo, ay ang araw ng aming paggunita sa ika siyam na buwan na pagsasama naming mag sing-irog. Datapuwat ito ay isang napakahalagang araw, sa hinde malamang kadahilanan, ito ay na waglit sa aking isipan.

Wala man ako pasok sa opisina nung araw na iyon, ako ay nagpunta pa rin. Wala sa aking hinagap na araw na pala ng aming pagdidiwang. Ni hindi ko man lamang nagawang batiin ang aking kabiyak. Pagkauwi ko ng Sabado ng umaga, ako ay dumiretso sa papag upang matulog. Pagkagising, ako ay nagulat at pinagluto ako ng aking irog. Kahit sa tagpong iyon, hindi sumagi sa aking isipan na ito pala ay dahil mahalaga ang araw na iyon. Nang matapos akong kumain, bumalik ako sa higaan upang tabihan ang aking minamahal na nuo'y nagpapahinga na. Siya ay nakatingin lamang sa akin. Wari'y naghihinitay na may mamutawi sa aking labi. Subalit hindi pa rin sapat ang pangitaan na ito para ako ay makaalala. Para ako ay magising.

Pagdating ng hapon, ako ay nagising upang maghandang pumasok na sa opisina. Ginising ko ang aking mahal upang magpaalam. Hinawakan nya ang aking kamay na parang ayaw bumitiw. Ako ay nagbiro "Kailangan ko ng umalis at baka ako ay mahuli". Unti-unting bumitiw sa pagkakahawak ang aking irog. Lumabas ako ng aming silid at naghandang umalis. Ngunit bago ako makalbas ng pinto, mayroong pilit bumubulong sa aking puso na bumalik at ipadama ang aking pagmamahal sa aking minamahal. Pumasok ako muli sa silid at hinagkan ang aking minamahal at sinabing "Mahal na mahal kita". Ng ako ay nas pintuan na ng aming silid, ako ay muling lumingon. Nakita ko ang aking irog na nakatunghad sa akin. Ngunit kahit sa sandaling yon ay hindi pumasok sa aking kukote kung bakit. Nang hindi ko maisip kung bakit, ako ay nagdesisyong humayo na.

Nang ako ay nasa opisina na, hindi ko pa rin ma waglit sa aking isipan na mayroon akong nalimutan. Kinuha ko ang aking telepono at nagpadala ng isang munting mensahe sa aking kabiyak. Hindi naman ako nabigo at nakakuha ako ng sagot galing sa kanya. Ako ay nagpadala ulit ng mensahe pero sa pagkakataong yon, hindi na ako nakakuha pa ng sagot. Ng pumatak sa labing limang minuto makalipas ang hating gabi, nakakuha ulit ako ng mensahe galing sa aking mahal.

"Mahal na mahal kita, un nga lang ulyanin ka!!!"

I Made My Bebhe Cry!!!

It was 15 days to Christmas and 1 week to my birthday. Sticking true to my traditions, I have made arrangements for a day of seclusion come my birthday. To reflect on what happened this year and what will be my prospectives and goals for the coming year. I know people normally do it during new years, but I do mine on my birthday.

I spoke to my Bebhe about this. And being the understanding and loving person my Bebhe is, he gave his consent but with some reservations. I explained that this has been my tradition since I was 10. I never liked parties and celebrations mainly because back then, we can't afford it. My Bebhe kissed me affectionately and gave me a warm hug. I noticed that my Bebhe is beginning to be teary eyed to I kissed him back. We spent that night cuddling each other silently as we contemplate what the futurehas in store for us.

The day before my birthday, I spent the entire day with my Bebhe. Making sure that I will have plenty of memories before we part. We have laid out a plan the day before that but I decided against it afterwards. I just asked my Bebhe if it's fine with him that we just rent some DVDs and stay indoors for the day. I would love to have my Bebhe for myself that day. My Bebhe smiled and kissed me. We grab the keys and went to the nearest Video City to rent out some movies. When we arrived back at his place, we went straight to bed and rested for a while. When I heard that both our tummies are grumbling, I stood up and went to the kitchen. My action suprised my Bebhe. I forgot that before this day, I have never cooked for my Bebhe and we've been together for almost two months! When my Bebhe followed me to the kithcen, I pushed him back to the nearest chair and told him to just watch and let the handsome chef do the rest. Although my Bebhe trusts that I know what was doing, he just can't help but glance every now and again to see what I was doing. I just returned my Bebhe's gazes with a warm and reassuring smiles.

When I finished cooking, I saw my Bebhe already enjoying one of the film that we rented. I just prepared the food and brought it to him. It was the best pre-birthday celebration I ever had! We laughed and enjoyed each others company for the entire day. When we got tired, we rested. When we're hungry, we ate. It's just like leaving in our own little world.

When the time came for us to rest, we cuddled each other infront of the TV again and just savor the moment together. Right there and then, I made a decision. "I no longer need to be alone tommorow." I said. "I already made my contemplations and my plans". My Bebhe asked me "So care to tell me what you have decided on?" I replied "I know for a fact, that this year, year 2006, you are the best thing that happened to me..." My Bebhe turned away before I was able to finish my speech. I approached him and saw him crying. I hugged him and kissed him ever so gently. "I don't need any plans for next year. Because as long as you are with me, I know I can get through everything." And with that, the tears my Bebhe was trying to fight flowed freely.

"Utterance without feelings are nothing" - Anon

Love Song #1

I look into your eyes, so far away
There's trouble in your mind
You're losing faith
Hey now, let me hold you
It'll be okay!
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Remember when you called
And said goodbye
We thought we'd lost it all
And so did I
Even if I lost you
I would feel the same
Coz I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Believe in me
I'm here to stay
I will love you
Till they take my heart away.

Now we're stronger than before
We've made it throught
I never felt more sure
Because of you
Hey now! Are you listening?
Do you hear me say
"I will love you
Till they take my heart away"

A Message, A Code, and A word

We’ve been seeing each other for more than a month now. But still, we both don’t want to confront the “status” of our relationship or whatever you want to call it. What we both know is that we’re enjoying the company of one another.

My visits to my Bebhe’s place became more frequent as well as the nights that I sleep over. Before, I will only go to my Bebhe’s place during the weekends. Now, I will go there after my Friday shift (Saturday morning) and will not leave until Monday night (before my Monday shift) just to return Wednesday morning, right after my Tuesday

My desire to see my Bebhe seems to be radiating because in every aspect of my life, may it be in my work or in my place, everybody seems to notice it. The only downside in seeing my Bebhe more was not being able to go back to my parents place every weekend. All of this was happening around me but I was not paying any real attention. My focus was only to spend as much time as I can with my Bebhe.

It was not early December. That means that I will be a year older soon. The exchange of sweet notes between us was at its peak. Even at work, since back then, we were in the same account but under different department and location, we utilized the company’s email and instant messaging to our heart’s content. I remembered one specific instance of our exchange in instant messaging. It was special for me because that was when my Bebhe gave me a pet name. My joy was overflowing! Here’s the exchange of words as I remember it…

Me: So what are you doing now?
Bebhe: Working.
Me: Owwss…
Bebhe: I am!
Me: I don’t believe you
Me: :p
Me: You still there?
(at least 5 minutes passed before My Bebhe replied again.)
Bebhe: I just did something
Me: I thought you were mad at me :(
Bebhe: I would never be.
Me: Ever?
Bebhe: Ever.
Me: I miss you
Bebhe: I miss you too.
Bebhe: You going to my dorm after shift?
Me: I don’t know yet.
Bebhe: ok…
Me: (Changing the topic) I bet I know what you are doing right now.
Bebhe: Oowwss… Ok guess.
Me: You’re talking to someone in the phone.
Bebhe: How did you know!
Me:Because I’m a ghost!
Bebhe: Don’t! You know I’m scared of ghost..
Me: Sorry but that’s how I knew it. I’m a ghost!
Bebhe: Whatever.
Me: You don’t believe me?
Bebhe: I do. You’re casper, the friendly ghost.
Me: Hahaha…

So that was how the conversation went. For many, this will be just another “usual” conversation between two lovers. But this time, I know, I know it’s something different. Something special. For me, it's magical.



"Simple yet extraordinary" - Anon

Batalaan #1

Geez! Then I guess I am in love...

"Horrible it might be, to prod on to future unseen, remember to look at your side, for there I will surely be!" - Anon

PATALASTAS

Ako ay muling lilihis panandalian sa tunay na pakay ng aking bagong tahanan upang isaad ang kaganapan sa aking buhay sa labas ng bahay.

Matagal tagal na din ng ako ay mamulat sa aking kapaligiran. Sa kadahilanang ito, napukaw ang aking damdamin upang sumuong sa isang pagaaral. Mag aapat na taon na din ang nakakaraan ng ito'y magsimula...

Kanina lamang, muli ko itong ibinukas sa isang taong may puang na sa aking puso at pagkatao. Nang natibag ang pader, ang usapang naganap ay isa sa matagal tagal ko nang hinde nadadama. Isang makabuluhang paguusap. Isang pagpapalitan ng kuro-kuro. At ang pagbubukas ng isipan upang matutunan ang mga bagay bagay na sa una'y animo'y hindi maaarok ng isipan. Sa ganitong mga talakayan ako sumasagana at mabubuhay. Salamat sa iyo, kapatid at kaibigan, sa buhay na iyong ibinigay sa akin. Ang dugo ko ay muling dumaloy upang ang aking natutuyong bumbunan ay magkaroon ulit ng laman.

Nais ko rin iparating sa mga napapadpad sa aking munting espasyo sa ere na kung kayo ay may suliranin sa pag-ibig, pamilya, paaralan, o kahit sa hinaharap, bukas ang aking tahanan. Ako ay iyong sulatan. Hindi ako nangangako ng tulong lalong lalo na ang tulong pinansiyal ngunit ang pagbubuhos ng saluobin ay isang paraan upang ang iyong bigat na dinadala ay gumaan.

Binubuksan ko rin ang aking tahanan sa mga taong may mga katanungan hingil sa may akda at may ari ng espasyo na ito. Iwan ninyo ang inyong mga katanungan bilang inyong komento at pipilitin kong tugunan sa lalong madaling panahon ang inyong mga katanungan.

Kung ikaw ay isang taong mahina ang loob katulad ng inyong abang lingkod, maari mong ipadala ang iyong katanungan, suliranin sa buhay, o tulong pinansyal sa aking liham-tangapan

aajones32@yahoo.com

Sleep Over

After the second date, I began asking my Bebhe out more often. Unfortunately, since our work do stress us a bit, there will be weekends when my offers will be declined. During this time, I devised a clever idea to see my Bebhe. "Since we can't go out and you want to rest, let's just stay in your place!" When my Bebhe agreed, I was overjoyed! I will be able to know my Bebhe more intimately! (No pun intended)

Normally, my stay in Katips wil last for only hours. I will get there around 7pm on a saturday and will go home around 10pm, sometimes until midnight. I don't want to stay longer or even do a sleep over since I don't want to give the impression that I am taking advantage of my Bebhe's kindness. So even when my Bebhe offered me a change of clothing since the clothes I was wearing was soaked in sweat, I refused. I just took of my shirt, and allowed it to dry. My trips to my Bebhe's place became more regular than what I expected. Instead of going there only during weekends, I went to his place even during weekdays. My day will not be complete without seeing him.

I saturday, I arrived around 10pm. And since it has been my habbit to leave by midnight, our chat will be cut short. I just rested for a while while we talked. when the time for me to leave came, My Bebhe asked me to stay and sleep over. Just for tonight. The Knight in me would wanted to say no but there's a much more stronger person now that took over. I said yes. We share the comfort of his bed again and sleep through the coldness of the night.

When I woke up the following morning, I was awaken by a very good smell. I opened my eyes to see where it was coming from. I saw my Bebhe cooking. I stood up to see what's on the stove. Instead of letting me help, he just pushed me back to bed and did all the serving. I was awed. Nobody did this to me before. Whatever reservations I had melted away. I was in heaven. When my Bebhe gave me the plate, I made sure that My hands touched his before taking the plate. I gave hima warm smile. He smile back.

After our breakfast, my plan was to leave and go back to my place. I changed my mind and decided to stay there until evening. I don't want to waste another minute away from my love one. So we decided to go to the nearest video city and rent some vids to the pass the time. I learned another thing about my Bebhe. He's into superhero films. My Bebhe never fails to suprise me.

When I left Katips that day, I know I have found someone special. Someone I can treasure and spend my life with. It's just a matter of overcoming the fear of going into a relationship with full of uncertainty again. Just so you know, the most affectionate words we used during this times were "I miss you". Both of us are afraid to use the word "Love" yet. For my part, I don't want to give my Bebhe falls hope until I am certain that I am ready.

"Don't say "I love you" when you don't mean it. You're just hurting yourself." - Anon

Open Season

The following Saturday after our first date, I asked my Bebhe out again. I just can fight the urge to see him again. At this point, I am not yet sure if I am inlove. I defintely like the person. But love? Maybe.

My budget for the date was only P500. Yup! I'm cheap. Since I'm from Pasay and my Bebhe's from Katipunan, we decided to meet halfway. Yup! SM Megamall again! After the usual strolling, and since we were just here last week, we ran out of things to do. Finally, my Bebhe asked me if I wanted to watch a movie. It's been a long time since I watched a movie. As earlier mentioned, I only have around 200 pesos left in my pocket after the dinner so I was a bit hesitant. I think he knew what was running through my mind and offered to pay for hte movie. The knight in me automatically rejected the idea. I am a Knight! I will not be treated like a girl! So I politely said no. So we decided to stroll for a couple more minutes. I was mulling over how to pay for the movie and how I will be able to go home when our feets landed in front of the cinema booth. My Bebhe went and pay for our tickets. When he came back, I think he read the puzzle look in my face and explained "My feet hurts, I want to rest. You can pay me back later". With that, I took the ticket and we went in.

The movie was a lot of laughs. It was a long time since I last laughed this much. I owe it to the person who forced me to watch the movie. I owe it to my Bebhe. While wathcing the film, I turned and watched my Bebhe laugh. My stress and tireness was washed away with every giggle and laugh I hear coming out from his mouth. For the first time after meeting my Bebhe, I considered the fact that I am falling in love. If I can remember it correctly, I think I tried to hold his hand inside the cinema. Unfortunately, I can no longer remember if he rejected it or not.

After the movie, we walked towards the taxi stand. As we walked, we talked about so many things. I want to know him more! So I fired away with a lot of questions. Luckily for me, my Bebhe answered them without any reservations. If found out about his eye problem and that he was not supposed to have anythign with caffeine. when we reached the stand, I felt like the time we had together was so short. I wanted to go home with him. I wanted to spend my night with him. But I fought the urge and let him take his ride back to Katips. As I was walking towards the overpass to ride the bus, I contemplated teh events that happened for the last two weeks. I keep going back to the memories of the time me and my Bebhe were together. I keep replaying the sound of my Bebhe's laugh inside the cinema on my mind. when I reached the Bus station, I asked myself a question. "Where is this going?"

I continued thinking inside the bus. The thoughts of getting in a relationship again scared the life out of me. I know I am not ready yet. But should I let my fears get in the way of my feelings? Of my happiness? Will I let this one get away because of my stupidity and cowardness to face the truth? That I am helplessly falling inlove!

When I got home and readied myself for bed, I made a decision. I will wait it out. See if my feelings for my Bebhe is really love or just fondness or infatuation. And since you're reading this blog now, I think you know now what my feelings were :)

"You are "In Love" when you no longer fear the unknown." - Anon

Panibagong Simula

Ako ay panandaliang lilihis sa landas na tinatahak upang magbigay pugay sa mga taong mapapagawi sa aking bagong tahanan!

Alam ninyo na kung ano ang nangyari at kung bakit ako nangailangang mag paalam panandalian sa pagsusulat. Ngunit ako ngayon ay nagbabalik. Ilang munting mensahe para sa mga mambabasa...

Hinde na ako maglalagay ng mga kwento tungkol sa aking mga nakaraang naranasaan nung ako ay kilala pa bilang itim na kabalyero. Kung ganoong uri ng mga kwento ang iyong hanap, maari mo ng itigil ang pagbasa dito pa lang. Mabibigo ka lang...

Ang mga kwentong nasaad at isasaad sa mga pahina ng aking bagong tahanan ay pagbibigay pugay sa aking nagiisang minamahal na kabiyak. Kung ano man ang aming dinaan, mga pinagdadaan at mga pagdadaan pa upang ang aming relasyon ay lalong tumibay.

Ako ay nagpapasalamat sa iyong pagbisita. Nawa'y hinde ka magsawa at bumalik ulit upang basahin ang aking mga bagong naisulat tungkol sa aking makulay na relasyon.

.Huwang Mahina.

10:28

Our first ever date! (Of course the breakfast in Jollibee does not count).

I'm a avid fan of Jed Madela. I support him in every way that I can like. I bought his CDs and went to his concerts. Of course supporting him will include going to his mall shows. So even if the most powerful storm (Milenyo) our country has endured last year stood against me, I still went and see his show in MoA. After the show, like all avid fans, I stood in line for his autograph. When my turn finally came, Jed was suprised to see me. "What are you doing here? You know you don't have to be in the line for my autograph! You can approach me anytime!" What a down to earth guy! To cut the long story short, he asked me to bring a friend along to his mall show the following day in SM Megamall. Of course I grab the opportunity.

That night, I spend so much time sending messages to my friend asking for a companion even though I already have someone in mind. I was shy to ask this person out. It was not fear of being turned down, but something different. When it was almost midnight and nobody has responded to my invitatioon, I finally gave up and sent this person a message. In less than five minutes, I got a companion!

Sunday, I was so nervous that I can't figure out what I will be wearing. Normally, I would just wear the first thing that my hands can grab from my closet. But this day is different. I wanted to make an impression. when I finally decided what clothes to wear, I was on my way to SM. I was admiring the poster of Jed when I received a message from this person. "I'm on my way but I will be late" reads the message. I replied that it was not a problem. When phone beep for the second time that day, I knew I will be in for something different. I went and meet with my companion. We chatted for a while before we went inside. I think my companion was suprised to see where or what we will be doing. But since we are already there, no complaints was heard.

As usual, Jed was more than anyone can expect. Stunning vocals and perfect pitch. After the show, I grab my companion so that we can fall in line for the autograph signing. My companion was a bit edgy about what we are about to do. Later I found out that it was the first time that my companion did that. After we got what I wanted, we went on our way and stroll around the big mall. I brought my companion to my favorite places. Odyssey was our first stop. I don't like listening to music but I prefer to be informed of what's hot and what's not. The next stop was Booksale. I love books and I like reading. Unfortunately, my companion is not into them as much as I expected, so we went on our way to my last favorite place. Powerbooks! Hehehe I know what you're going to say, "Books again?" But I didn't hear any complains from my companion. After that, we stroll some more and then decided that since it's getting late, we should decide if we are going to watch a movie or not. But of course I have a better idea. I pulled my companion again and off we went to Odyssey again. I told my companion that we should just buy a cd and watch it in my companion's place. "Up to you." my companion said. I saw "The Masseur" cd and took it to the counter to pay for it. Afterwards, we took a cab to go to my companion's place, which I later found out was in Quezon City. We watched the video (actually I watched alone since my companion decided to doze off)

After the film, I saw my companion soundly asleep. I took the empty space beside my companion and lay there. what happened next is something I will never blog.


"Alot of things happened tonight. Things worth remembering, thing worth forgetting. But there's one thing that will forever be etched in my memory. Today, I am complete." - Anon

Prologue

People may ask why I named my blog as such. My answer to them will be “Why not?”. Some may ask if that’s our pet name (me and my bebhe). The answer is definitely not! As you can see, I refer to my love one as my bebhe. Not bacon, not eggs. Bebhe. Kapisch?

For the first post on this blog, I would like to regale you of how I met my bebhe. It all started when I quit my job in a contact center and decided to seek out a different line of work. After 2 weeks of exhausting exploration, it seems that the only work with the kind of compensation I was accustomed to will be in the contact center. So I decided to give it a try one last time. But this time, I promised myself that it will be different from anything else I have tried so far.

I went on an got accepted and experienced the “one-day process” literally. And after two weeks of voice and accents training, it was time for the Product Specifics Training. During the first two days of the training, I was already getting bored and disappointed. It seems that I will be working the same kind of thing that I used to do. I think I said to myself back then that I will be quitting after 6 months. But on the third day, everything changed. Our PST trainer arrived from our different site. I wish I can tell you something like it was love at first site or serendipity or something. If you’re looking for that sort of story, then better stop reading. This is different.

When I saw our trainer, my radar detected something in the air. But I was more surprised to discover that this person is not even a bit interested in me. Ok, say what you want to say but I do my own share of admirers and I am not accustomed to just being passed by. For me, I’m a head turner! (well that’s for me) So I immediately went on the offensive to find out why. Day after day, I tried different style, different stroke, different look, even different psy-war. But nothing worked. I was actually giving up when I decided to give it one last try. On the fourth and final week of our training, I decided to stay behind. I will try to flirt a bit. Either this person is into me or my radar was mistaken. The first and second day was a success. I was able to get to talk to my trainer in a much more personal way. I was even able to borrow my trainer’s phone. I found some clues here and there but nothing conclusive. On our last day of training, I ask my trainer to breakfast. I will use my last desperate effort to know the “truth”.

We ate at Jollibee Insular. After eating, I revealed my true color. Yet again, I fail to get the answer I was looking for. I was getting more desperate. “Do you like me?” I ask in desperation. “That’s a good question” my trainer replied. I got my answer. Not the words but the reaction it elicited. My mission was a success.

After a couple of weeks of no longer seeing my trainer, I started to miss the times we were together. I found myself daydreaming about those times that we spend together and how fun it will be to do it again. I even made plans of going to different places we’re we can have our private moments. The feeling grew so much that I decided to do something about it. I asked my trainer out. It was October 28, 2006. Just after Milenyo.

From then on, the rest is history. For the second time in my life, I feel alive again. I feel complete. I was reborn. The best days of my life are now here.

There are a lot of things to be said but are better left unsaid. There are so many things to be done but not to be done. And as much as I would like to explain my actions, I would rather not. Things are going for the better. Let’s leave it at that. - Anon