July '07 - June '08

Friends are nature’s masterpiece.

Whoever said this got it right the first time. I certainly believe in this saying because in all my life, it is the gift of friendship that I value more than anything else. I smile as I think about the people who were with me last Saturday will react about this statement. Because it seems to me, that my actions are going on a different direction. If you were there with us, it will seem to you that I do not value my friends and all I do is blabber.

I can not deny that what I did to my friends happened to me, I will not be able to forget it myself. Makes you wonder what happened that day right? But I will spare you the details. Let’s just say that I burned all the masterpiece nature has given me.

One of my dearest friends talked to me last Monday about what I “did” during that fateful day. It was horrible, unspeakable, and undeniably offensive. And as much as I tried to explain my side, I can’t seem to do so. For I know, no words I can utter can heal the wounds that I have caused.

The same close friend shared with me about what I was blabbing about on that day. I was all about friendship. It didn’t surprise me since I know for a fact that I can’t stop thinking about how happy I am that I have my friends. But what I realized just now, is how much right to the point my friend was. You see, I always prided myself as someone who puts their friends first before anything else. May it be work or even myself. But it seems that that’s hardly the case because I have always placed my fears above everyone and anything else. My biggest fear is losing a friend. And in my efforts to make sure that my fears will not come to life, I try my very best to please them. But instead of getting the result I desired, I ended up on the losing end.

As I write this post, I still haven’t spoken to two of my friends. Both of whom I cherish as someone who defines what being a friend is. And both of whom I offended the worst. Honestly speaking, I don’t think that I can show my face to them, let alone talk to them. And it is one of the reasons why I am writing this post. I am hoping that one, if not both, of them will be able to read this.

Trust is one of the most essential things in a relationship. And once the trust is gone, the relationship, for me, no longer exists. What happened that night is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Because I may very well lose the people I hold dear. The very people I tried to please. The very people I call “friends”.

As I said earlier, I can’t still bring myself to talk to my friends. I’m afraid of what they are going to say. I know I have failed them as their friend. And I’m so sorry that I will lose them without even being able to know them deeper. Not that I think that our friendship is as shallow as a jigger of scotch, but because I didn’t know them enough for me to say that they know me. I showed them a façade in fear that they will not like the real me. What a pathetic little wimp I am.

And on that sad note, the love room bids you farewell. I will not delete this blog for I hope that someone will be able to find wisdom on the mistakes I made in my life by reading my previous posts. I, however, will no longer be accessing this site.

I found my friends when I started my first blog.  Let it end with my last blog.