Wednesday, June 25, 2008

July '07 - June '08

Friends are nature’s masterpiece.

Whoever said this got it right the first time. I certainly believe in this saying because in all my life, it is the gift of friendship that I value more than anything else. I smile as I think about the people who were with me last Saturday will react about this statement. Because it seems to me, that my actions are going on a different direction. If you were there with us, it will seem to you that I do not value my friends and all I do is blabber.

I can not deny that what I did to my friends happened to me, I will not be able to forget it myself. Makes you wonder what happened that day right? But I will spare you the details. Let’s just say that I burned all the masterpiece nature has given me.

One of my dearest friends talked to me last Monday about what I “did” during that fateful day. It was horrible, unspeakable, and undeniably offensive. And as much as I tried to explain my side, I can’t seem to do so. For I know, no words I can utter can heal the wounds that I have caused.

The same close friend shared with me about what I was blabbing about on that day. I was all about friendship. It didn’t surprise me since I know for a fact that I can’t stop thinking about how happy I am that I have my friends. But what I realized just now, is how much right to the point my friend was. You see, I always prided myself as someone who puts their friends first before anything else. May it be work or even myself. But it seems that that’s hardly the case because I have always placed my fears above everyone and anything else. My biggest fear is losing a friend. And in my efforts to make sure that my fears will not come to life, I try my very best to please them. But instead of getting the result I desired, I ended up on the losing end.

As I write this post, I still haven’t spoken to two of my friends. Both of whom I cherish as someone who defines what being a friend is. And both of whom I offended the worst. Honestly speaking, I don’t think that I can show my face to them, let alone talk to them. And it is one of the reasons why I am writing this post. I am hoping that one, if not both, of them will be able to read this.

Trust is one of the most essential things in a relationship. And once the trust is gone, the relationship, for me, no longer exists. What happened that night is something I will regret for the rest of my life. Because I may very well lose the people I hold dear. The very people I tried to please. The very people I call “friends”.

As I said earlier, I can’t still bring myself to talk to my friends. I’m afraid of what they are going to say. I know I have failed them as their friend. And I’m so sorry that I will lose them without even being able to know them deeper. Not that I think that our friendship is as shallow as a jigger of scotch, but because I didn’t know them enough for me to say that they know me. I showed them a façade in fear that they will not like the real me. What a pathetic little wimp I am.

And on that sad note, the love room bids you farewell. I will not delete this blog for I hope that someone will be able to find wisdom on the mistakes I made in my life by reading my previous posts. I, however, will no longer be accessing this site.


I found my friends when I started my first blog.  Let it end with my last blog.

12 comments:

blackdarkheart said...

anu ba yan, i find this blog as one of my support system when it comes to looking forward to a relationship tapos mawawala ka na. haay, sana ma weather no yung storm na yan. it makes friendship grows stronger, you just need to give them time.

Anonymous said...

Hey TL,

NO one is perfect. Don't be too hard on yourself. Friends do mistakes, patching up and accepting each other's flaws will definitely nurture the friendship. As you opt again to leave the blogosphere, may you be happy and successful with your choice. You still have your friends online or not.

dabo said...

anyway.. the road to hell is paved with good intentions..

take care. it is your obligation to yourself.

Mugen said...

We learn from our mistakes and failures, that I am sure of.

When you emerge from all of this, I hope you'd become as strong as I expect you to be.

Take care.

HB said...

"FRIENDS WILL BE FRIENDS"
by queen

Another red letter day
So the pound has dropped and the children are creating
The other half ran away
Taking all the cash and leaving you with the lumber
Got a pain in the chest
Doctor's on strike what you need is a rest

It's not easy love but you've got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

Now it's a beautiful day
The postman delivered a letter from your lover
Only a phone call away
You tried to track him down but somebody stole his number
As a matter of fact
You're getting used to life without him in your way

It's so easy now 'cos you got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

It's so easy now 'cos you got friends you can trust
Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands cos friends will be friends right till the
end

Friends will be friends
When you're in need of love they give you care and attention
Friends will be friends
When you're through with life and all hope is lost
Hold out your hands 'cos right till the end-
Friends will be friends

Diablo said...

i'll miss u bro. dito lang kita nakikita at nababasa.

ang hirap naman mawalan ng friend, kahit virtual lang.

pero i hope for the best para sau.

tc...

odin hood said...

kuya dream ba to? fiction?


sad naman... wala na ba talaga chance maayos yan? maybe you could still give them a chance, give them time. give yourself a chance, dont give up on your friends just yet.

id still hope maayos pa yan. maybe pag na-overcome niyo itong problem na to eh mas makikilala niyo na ang bawat isa and you'd all have a stronger deeper better friendship!

Turismoboi said...

ill miss u

odin hood said...

miss u!

Anonymous said...

hi mate, this is the canadin pharmacy you asked me about: the link

dazedblu* said...

Awww.. this is something awful :(

Anonymous said...

cool blog..................................................