Let's talk about X

People come to me for advice. Either I’m just too nosy or people do tend to see me as someone who they can share their pain with. I think it’s the first but I can dream too.

One of the things that people always asked me about is relationship. I don’t pretend to be an expert on this issue since I’ve only experienced two serious relationships to date. So instead of giving them advices, I tend to share to them my past experiences. And when I say experiences, I mean my experiences on “relationships” and relationships. The first being the “relationships” I had or more aptly known nowadays as flings, MU, and LDRs. I had my share of failures and pain about all these things but I do not consider them as anything serious. The latter is the two relationships I consider as serious since there was real commitments and love, not lust, is present.

Some of the people asked me how I was able to get past my previous serious relationship in order to enter a new one. Some people complain about their former affairs. And others just would like to know if the “relationship” they were in was indeed a relationship. Others still, ask me how I was able to know when it was time to move one.

It was never easy to get up from a downfall of a serious relationship. For me, it took me more than 2 years before I was able to let go of the past. Before I was able to finally say to myself that whatever we had was over. Some will say that 2 years is a long time to recover from heartache. I always tell them is that it was not heartache that I needed to recover from, but hope. The hope that one day, he will realize that I was the one for him. That if I keep being there for him, helping him in time of his need, he will come back to me. Hope was my enemy and I was fighting a losing battle. Because he moved on, I didn’t.

Now some will say that two years is still too long for hoping something like that and I agree with them. But there is no regret for what happened because it taught me a lot of things. And it allowed me to become mature enough to recognize what love really is. So when I saw it, I grabbed it and made it mine forever.

My EX will forever have a special place in my heart. But that doesn’t mean that I do not love MB with all my heart. I love him without any inhibition and any equivocation. It’s just that the person who made my life colorful before will forever be in my heart. My love for him will always be there only on a different level. More of a special friend than a lover. And understanding this thing made me fall ever more for MB.

I just remembered something that was said to me by a friend when I asked him if he still love his ex. He said:

“Love, once given, will never fade. It just mature and change”

To those that are wondering what my EX looks like, here’s someone that always reminds me of him.